


a matter of power play

by Vitexy



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, Dubious Consent, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Not Beta Read, Prison Sex, do not read, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 06:56:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 44,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5281067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vitexy/pseuds/Vitexy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>changkyun lands himself a shy, new, out-of-place cell mate that he's definitely not interested in. definitely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a matter of power play

**Author's Note:**

> Um, don't read this. I did not want to post this. My friend made me :(  
> I don't know anything about law or the court system. I'm sorry, I just wanted to write gross prison sex.

When Changkyun is told that he will soon have a cell mate of his own, for the very first time since he started serving his sentence, his mind whirls with all the possibilities. Who will it be? What will he be like? What did the fucker do to land himself in prison? And, most importantly, will he be a giant pain-in-the-ass for Changkyun?

Currently he rather enjoys having his cell to himself. He doesn’t have to bother or worry about putting a cell mate in place. He doesn’t really have to worry about asserting his dominance in a place so already filled with testosterone it’s suffocating. He likes coming back to his own cell and relaxing without worrying about a dumbass cell mate who might try to pick with him just ‘cause.

When he finally lays eyes on his new cellmate, any worries that previously occupied his mind quickly dissipate. He is lying on the top bunk, which he claimed for himself now that he actually had to share, legs dangling off the side, bored out of his mind when his cell door suddenly opens. Changkyun sits up abruptly, wondering if perhaps leisure time has already arrived, but instead an unfamiliar face in a very familiar orange uniform shuffles inside. Changkyun observes the newcomer warily, already thrown off by his sudden arrival. The prison guards hadn’t mentioned anything about his cell mate arriving today, but then again why would they? They were all vindictive assholes in Changkyun’s humble opinion.

The person who trudges in is tall, almost intimidatingly so, which immediately sets Changkyun on edge. However, his worries and suspicions disappear the more he watches and takes note of the other’s behavior. He may be tall, but he hunches his shoulders a little, like he wishes he could be smaller, less noticeable. And he all but freezes with fright when he spots Changkyun on the top bunk, then visibly jumps when the cell door slides shut with a loud bang. New Guy whips his head around to stare at the closed door for a moment before reluctantly turning back to his cell mate.

An amused smile tugs at Changkyun’s lips as he watches his fidgety new roommate, so to speak. The poor kid would be eaten alive in here; Changkyun could easily tell, and he makes a mental bet with himself over how long New Guy will last. Leaning forward, he rests his elbows on his thighs and clears his throat to draw New Guy’s attention.

New Guy lifts his head to indicate that he’s listening, but barely manages to hold Changkyun’s gaze for a second before he averts his eyes. Changkyun can’t stop a small snort from escaping when he gets a good look at New Guy. He’s good-looking, pretty even, and Changkyun isn’t sure if he should feel sorry for him or not. Height aside, this guy screamed prey, not predator. “So, you got a name, Handsome?”

New Guy tenses, clearly uncomfortable with Changkyun’s new nickname for him. He takes one step back, eyes still fixed on the floor even though he addresses Changkyun. “Are you - are you _flirting_ with me?” He sounds a little offended.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Changkyun deadpans, shedding the faux friendly act with ease. “I was only trying to be friendly, but if that offends you…” he trails off, suppressing a smile at the way New Guy stumbles to correct himself.

“No! I didn’t - I mean - Hyungwon,” he stammered out finally. “My name is Hyungwon.”

Changkyun nods his head thoughtfully, filing the name away for now though he’s sure he’ll probably forget it later. Kicking his legs back and forth, he says, “hey, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but you seriously don’t look like you belong here. What the fuck did you do to land yourself in this place?”

Hyungwon’s expression tightens a bit at Changkyun’s question, and it’s clear by his expression that he also thinks he shouldn’t be here. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he finally says after some hesitation.

Changkyun grins at his answer. He can’t help it. Whatever New Guy - Hyungwon, whatever - did, it must have been pretty bad if he wants to keep it to himself. How intriguing.

“What did you do?”

His grin drops down into a neutral expression as he regards New Guy with a critical eye. Is he dull? Or does he just truly not understand where the hell he is right now? Changkyun concludes that it’s probably a bit of both before he answers, “Sorry, but you don’t get something for nothing around here. You want to know what landed me here? You tell me first, or give me something equally as valuable.” He smiles again, but it’s not a friendly smile. “You’ll learn soon enough.” Then he scoots himself back far enough that the can properly lie down and stretch out on the top bunk. Linking his fingers behind his head, he pillows his head on his hands and closes his eyes. There really isn’t much to do in a prison cell.

A long period of silence falls between the new cell mates during which time Changkyun swears that New Guy stands perfectly still because he doesn’t hear the other move at all, not even to go to his own bunk, not that it bothers him or anything. He simply wonders how comfortable it must be to just stand in the middle of the cell like that. Then, suddenly, New Guy speaks, “I told you my name.”

Changkyun cracks one eye open at that statement and stares thoughtfully at the ceiling. He understands the intent behind those words, but he ponders whether or not he should answer. In the end he decides to be nice because he’s now fairly certain poor New Guy is done for. Despite the basic _quid pro quo_ rule all the inmates generally live by, New Guy was dumb enough to give out information about himself without asking anything in return. Kindness itself does not really exist within these cell walls, only pride and respect seemed to thrive. Unfortunately for him, New Guy does not look like the type to command much respect, if any, from anyone. Instead he appears the kind of person everyone steps all over simply because they can.

He turns onto his side and props himself up on one of his forearms. From this position he peers down at New Guy from the top bunk. “Changkyun,” he answers curtly before flopping back down on his bed.

“Okay,” New Guy says because he doesn’t know what else to say. “Um, well, it’s nice to meet you.” Changkyun sighs and turns onto his side so his back faces the other. They may be cell mates now, but Changkyun doesn’t have much interest investing in someone who is so clearly a liability here.

New Guy stares at his back for awhile before he finally seems to understand that Changkyun does not want to engage him in any further idle conversation. The bed below Changkyun creaks. New Guy finally settles down. The prison veteran sighs, then closes his eyes. Now would be the perfect time to nap, but Changkyun finds it hard to sleep with a stranger - however unintimidating he may be - sitting just below him.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Despite Changkyun’s misgivings about his cell mate - or, perhaps more accurately, because of them - New Guy manages to survive his first full day in the prison without much incident. A rare occurrence here to say the least. Whenever a new face appeared within the prison, he tended to be approached quickly by others trying to get a feel for the new inmate and where they would fall on the pecking order within the system. Those like New Guy were usually bullied and beat on to first put them in their place (that being the bottom of the food chain here) and then to keep them there.

However, although obviously a new face to the rest of the prison community, nobody does anything more than quietly observe Changkyun’s cell mate from a comfortable distance. At first the behavior surprises Changkyun. Then it annoys him when he realizes that no one has yet to approach New Guy because he sticks to Changkyun like a shadow. He follows Changkyun closely but doesn’t utter a single sound which is probably why it takes a whispered comment about never seeing Changkyun call dibs on anyone between two inmates for him to realize they all must think New Guy is his bitch, and Changkyun is protecting him.

Although by no means the Alpha of the prison (Changkyun prefers to steer clear of _that_ guy. He is scary as fuck but seems content to ignore Changkyun’s quiet existence which he enjoys just as much.) Changkyun has a reputation as a fighter, never one to back down if provoked. He didn’t take too kindly to being spit on by the other inmates and earned his space from the others when he sent two inmates to the prison hospital with quite a few broken bones during his second week at the prison. His victims had been a couple of idiots who thought he would be an easy target, unfortunately for them. However, Changkyun isn’t bold or stupid enough to retell the tale with him coming out totally unscathed. They’d landed solid hits on him and the last bruise finally faded nearly a month later.

Normally the guards turn a blind eye to inmate on inmate violence, viewing it as a sort of self-disciplinary action, but the breaking of bones had landed Changkyun nearly three weeks in solitary confinement. If not for the lack of any leisure time out in the courtyard, Changkyun probably would have preferred to remain in there for the rest of his sentence. A loner by nature, he keeps his distance from all the other prisoners, never happy to mingle or prove his “manliness,” or, as the other inmates called it, socializing.

“You need to back off,” he growls at New Guy as he takes his dinner tray and heads for an unoccupied table in the cafeteria. New Guy grabs a tray for himself then scrambled after Changkyun.

“But you’re the only person I know,” New Guy protests.

Changkyun sets his tray down at the end of the table with more force than was probably necessary judging by the way New Guy steps back and stares with wide, frightened eyes at his tray first. Then him. “Well, you’re giving people the wrong impression. I’m not in charge of you.”

“I know,” New Guy says, still eyeing him a bit warily, though he seems less tense now because Changkyun hadn’t yelled at him like he probably expected. “It’s just, you’re the only person I know right now, and you seem nice enough. I mean, we’re sort of like roommates too, right? We should take care of each other.”

Changkyun rolls his eyes at the last comment, making all sorts of bitter responses about how incapable New Guy would be at taking care of him. There is all but one thing New Guy could offer Changkyun as far as he’s concerned, and everyone else seems under the impression that that is their current working relationship. He sighs at his cell mate, “look, New Guy, I don’t know how else to tell you this so it gets through that pretty little head of yours, but you sticking so close to me makes you look like my bitch, understand? So, for both of our benefits,” because Changkyun really doesn’t want to fight with someone should they decide they want New Guy, “just back off a bit, okay?” He stares at his cell mate, waiting for the brainless agreement sure to come.

But, of course, he instead receives, “Hyungwon.”

Changkyun blinks at the word and leans forward a bit. “What?”

“My name -” Changkyun groans and drops down into his seat, but New Guy continues completely unhindered by Changkyun’s obvious disinterest, “- is Hyungwon. Not New Guy. Or Handsome.”

“So?” Changkyun bites out. He doesn’t care what the hell New Guy’s name is.

“I told you my name yesterday. You could use it, you know.”

Changkyun nearly jumps to his feet to punch New Guy across the face, maybe get his beat in started for the other inmates to join in, but holds himself back at the last minute. “Have you even been listening to anything I’ve said?”

New Guy nods his head in acknowledgement. “Yes, but I don’t really understand what you mean by it. It was just bothering me that you haven’t used my name even though I told it to you, Changkyun.” He’s probably trying to make a point by using Changkyun’s name like that.

“I don’t listen to what twinks tell me,” Changkyun snarls back. “Go sit somewhere else.”

Hyungwon startles at the venom in Changkyun’s voice and holds his tray close to his chest as he tries to shrink away from the other. For a moment they just stare at each other, Changkyun’s gaze hard and unfriendly while Hyungwon’s is scared and confused. Finally, Hyungwon tentatively asks, “you’re...saying I can’t sit here?”

“Do you not know what ‘go sit somewhere else’ means, New Guy?” Changkyun barks at him, purposefully choosing not to use his name.

Hyungwon shies away from Changkyun this time and moves to do as he’s told. However, he only moves a little further down the table before he sets his tray down to eat. Changkyun actively suppresses a frustrated groan from leaving his lips, and despite all the glares he aims at his cell mate, Hyungwon pointedly ignores his gaze as he awkwardly begins eating his dinner.

Even isolated as he is now, no one approaches Hyungwon yet, and Changkyun admits that he’s incredibly disappointed. Now a part of him can’t wait to see New Guy put in his place.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Although New Guy lasts much longer than Changkyun initially predicted, he does not last long. Things start going downhill for him on the second day when he’s called out by name from the guards in the middle of leisure time when a hefty majority of the prison population is out and about in the courtyard. New Guy looks over to the guards, one hand cupped over his forehead to shade his eyes from the sun, as they tell him that he has a visitor and to hurry his ass over there.

New Guy jogs over to the guards either ignoring or unaware of the gazes glued to his back. Not everyone is looking because not everyone is interested, but an alarming number of inmates are, and they watch New Guy converse with two guards before one of them leads him back into the facility. Their gazes are a mix of curiosity and disdain.

Those who received visitors were lucky enough Changkyun supposes. He himself had only ever had one visitor, but it was not even his own parents who seem content to live without him. But New Guy is already receiving a visitor on his second day. Not to mention the fact that, doing as told, New Guy now keeps a fair amount of distance between himself and his cell mate, Changkyun can tell it’s only a matter of time before New Guy finally tastes his welcoming party.

“Who the hell is he going off to see on his second day here?” Changkyun looks over at a couple of inmates, watching as they trade theories with clenched fists. He grimaces and wonders how sorry he should be when he and New Guy are back in their cell later.

Someone approaches him from behind, but he doesn’t notice until his stalker says, “Isn’t he, like, your fuck toy?”

Changkyun nearly jumps out of his skin and whirls around to see Jooheon staring at him with a raised brow. He scowls at the other. “Fuck off,” he replies off-handedly and moves to walk away.

“I know that tone,” Jooheon sing-songs and follows the other despite the younger’s attitude. “I guess that means he’s not then. Yesterday I could have sworn…” he trails off when Changkyun growls and then picks up his pace to try and ditch Jooheon. He really doesn’t want to deal with the prick right now. “He’s pretty though. Can I have him?”

“Do what you want. Just leave me the hell alone.”

Jooheon stops trailing after the younger then, a put out pout on his lips while Changkyun continues to power walk away. “Geez, can’t I just talk to you anymore? It’s been ages since we last talked, Changkyunnie!” He whines adorably, or at least attempts to because Changkyun had always said that his ugly face detracted from his attempts at cuteness.

Changkyun only flips him the bird before speeding away. It’s barely even noon and he’s already done for the day.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Hoseok quickly stands up from his seat when the door to the prison’s meeting room open, and Hyungwon shuffles inside, hands cuffed in front of his body. Hoseok makes a noise of protest as he rushes over to his client and tugs on his hands. He looks at the guard accompanying his client and clucks his tongue in mild annoyance. “These are unnecessary,” he says.

The guard stares at him, then at the cuffs, then at him again. Hoseok quickly loses his patience with the man.

“My client is accused of involuntary manslaughter - which is honestly a joke all things considered. He is not some violent criminal wanton to kill and escape as soon as his hands are _uncuffed_.”

The guard seems uncomfortable by all of Hoseok’s complaints and, noticing, Hyungwon tries to calm him down but to little avail. Hoseok continues to complain about the treatment of his client until finally the guard says, “it’s policy.”

Unfortunately, his explanation only fans Hoseok’s flames further. “ _Policy?_ ” he squawks, sounding absolutely scandalized. “You call this policy? You’re treating my innocent client like a prisoner!”

The guard gives him a funny look at that. “Um, he is a prisoner -”

“Remove the handcuffs!”

Whether it’s because Hyungwon really looks as harmless as he is, or because of Hoseok’s never ending complaints and protests, the guard scratches the back of his head but moves forward to remove Hyungwon’s handcuffs. The inmate offers him an awkward but grateful smile to which the guard shrugs his shoulders and places the cuffs onto his belt. Hoseok huffs out an ungrateful, “finally!” and Hyungwon hopes the guard won’t hold this incident against him in the future.

“Thank you,” Hyungwon says to the guard, bowing his head a little to show his gratitude. The guard stares at him a bit oddly for a moment before finally shaking his head and waving Hyungwon off.

“Just no funny business, got it?” he warns Hyungwon though he sounds more bored and tired than threatening.

“My client is not a violent offender,” Hoseok stresses one last time while herding Hyungwon over to the table to sit him down. The guard doesn’t bother responding this time, but Hoseok seems unbothered by his silence. Perhaps he did not want a response in the first place. For him, having the last word tended to be the most important. He seats Hyungwon down first before walking around the table to take a seat in front of his client. Reaching over for the briefcase in the chair next to him, he retrieves a small stack of papers from within and sets them down on the table.

Now, apparently, the guard feels like making a comment. “You’re awfully doting for a lawyer,” he observes.

Hoseok lifts his gaze up to glare at the prison personnel but, thankfully, opts not to say anything in response. Instead he turns his attention to Hyungwon and quietly, so as to prevent the guard from attempting to eavesdrop on their conversation, asks, “how are you?”

Hyungwon shrugs his shoulders before scrambling to sit upright and properly in his chair when he noticed he was slouching. “I don’t really know,” he answers verbally this time, keeping his voice low just like Hoseok. “I guess I’m okay given the fact that I’m in prison. The first week in the holding cell was awful. I cried every night, but I’m adjusting here, sort of.”

Hoseok’s expression becomes sympathetic, and he assures the younger that he will get Hyungwon out of here as quickly as possible. He’ll do everything in his power. “How is it in there?” he asks next while properly ordering his papers. “You’re being left alone, I hope.” Briefly he glances up to the guard and his nose wrinkles in distaste. Hyungwon hides a small smile behind his hand because Hoseok doesn’t have to say anything for Hyungwon to know what exactly Hoseok thinks of this place. When his lawyer turns his gaze back to him though, his smile drops, and he thinks about Hoseok’s question earnestly.

“It’s -” he hesitates, “it’s not actually as bad as I would have thought, I suppose.” Then he suddenly thinks of Changkyun and frowns. “They guy they celled me with is kind of an asshole though. I don’t want to be here anymore honestly. I want to see my parents.”

Hoseok furrows his brows in concern and reaches over to the table to grasp Hyungwon’s hands gently. “You’re parents will visit. You know that. It’s just, as your lawyer, I am afforded unlimited visitation rights while they...They’re just trying to be careful about the timing since they can only visit so many times a month.” He tightens his grip on his client’s hands when Hyungwon looks away, trying to hide his face from Hoseok. “We will get you out of here, Hyungwon,” he promises before pulling away.

He places his hand on top of the papers he brought and pushed them towards Hyungwon so the younger can take a look at them. “You don’t have to read over all of it, but I wrote in the planned proposal for the basis of the requested retrial. You can see if you agree with my complaint and if you would like to add or take out anything. Then I will need you to sign…” he holds onto the syllable as he shuffles through the papers and pulls one out with a blank line at the bottom, “here.” He points to the bottom of the page with the end of a pen then hands it over to Hyungwon.

Hyungwon takes the offered pen but waits until he finishes reading the documents before he nods his head in agreement to the statement and signs where Hoseok instructs him to. “I agree with this. But do you think it’s enough to get a new trial granted?”

“Jury and judge biases are a serious issue in court cases,” Hoseok explains, accepting the pen back from Hyungwon and then proceeding to arrange all his papers back in order. “It goes against the whole ‘innocent until proven guilty’ part that the court’s supposed to adhere to. The fact that both your judge and some of the jury members were clearly biased against you means your trial wasn’t fair. That’s enough to request a retrial, and with the case records available, I’m confident any reasonable judge will grant your request for a new trial. The prosecutor is really kind of a known homophobe.” Lightly tapping the edge of the stacked papers against the table, he checks one more time to ensure everything is in order before he packs the papers back away in his briefcase. “I’ll turn these in today and keep you updated on what happens. It’s a criminal trial, so it should be a top priority case.”

“But until it’s overturned, I’m stuck in here, right?”

Hoseok smiles apologetically and wishes he could tell Hyungwon that he wouldn’t have to, but that would be a lie. They both know it. At this point, the only option really available to them is to try and obtain a new trial as quickly as possible, but even that could take months. Even worse, the trial date might be set for months later. All things considered, Hyungwon could spend up to a year in prison before his new trial is even granted, possibly even more depending on the trial date. That would be a lot of prison time that Hyungwon shouldn’t have to serve, didn’t deserve to serve.

“I will push this through as fast as I can,” Hoseok promises. “I will get you out of here as soon as I can, okay? I promise.”

Hyungwon sniffles a little but nods his head in acceptance. Hoseok is doing all that he can for him right now, but he has to work within the court system which Hyungwon swears is designed to screw everyone over. He wants so badly to scream and cry because he wants to go home, but right now is neither the time nor place, so Hyungwon bites back his tears of frustration and thanks Hoseok for all his help.

They part unwillingly because the guard tells them that their allotted visiting time is up, and he has to take Hyungwon back inside now. Hoseok is ready first, but he lingers, waiting for Hyungwon as the cuffs are once again put on his client. He only leaves when Hyungwon inclines his head and says his farewell before he’s led back inside the prison.

“He’s a family friend,” Hyungwon tells the guard as he’s taken back to his cell.

The man looks over at him with a raised brow, not understanding who Hyungwon is talking about and why. “Excuse me?”

“Hoseok. My lawyer,” Hyungwon clarifies. “You said he was a bit doting for a lawyer. He probably seems that way because he’s a family friend. We grew up together.”

“Ah.”

“You seemed to have the wrong impression of us, and it seemed like Hoseok annoyed you a little. I apologize for him.” He bows his head apologetically. “He’s just a bit protective.”

The guard hums but does not try to interact with Hyungwon any further, clearly uninterested, so Hyungwon drops the subject as well and merely follows him.

When he’s led back to his cell, Hyungwon pauses in confusion. “I can’t go back outside?” he asks.

“The afternoon leisure time is up,” the guard informs him, sounding a little sympathetic as he removes the handcuffs again. “Sorry. You can go back out in the evening.”

When Hyungwon steps inside, Changkyun is there sitting in his bed as he was yesterday. He’s got a tennis ball which he throws up at the ceiling then catches, repeating this pattern over and over, and it’s actually quite impressive if Hyungwon honestly admits. His cell mate waits until the door slides shut before he catches his ball one last time and then sits up.

“So, you already had a visitor, New Guy?”

Hyungwon stares at him and briefly contemplates not answering because Changkyun was so mean yesterday. However, he also doesn’t wish for any animosity or tension between them seeing as how they have to live and sleep in the same cell together. It would be better if they got along, right?

“Just my lawyer,” Hyungwon answers.

“Trying to fight your conviction?” He raises a brow.

“Doesn’t everyone?”

Changkyun snorts and flops back down on the bed. Cranking his arm back, he chucks his tennis ball at the wall, hard, but sits unfazed as it slams up against the wall then rockets to the floor. It bounces over in Hyungwon’s direction, losing momentum with each bounce, and Hyungwon bends down to pick it up. He’s about to step forward to return the object when Changkyun says, “no. Some of us just give up.”

Hyungwon pauses and stares. This is the first Changkyun’s ever revealed about himself. “You didn’t ask for a new trial? Or an appeal?”

“No point,” Changkyun says with a shrug. “I’m guilty as fuck. I tried for an appeal, but I had nothing new to bring forward, and the judge repeatedly denies me anyways. He knows I’m guilty as fuck too. So it’s pointless unless -” he stops abruptly, glaring at the ceiling. “Whatever.”

Hyungwon opens his mouth to pry a little further but stops himself at the last second because Changkyun definitely won’t just divulge what exactly he’s in for. He already clarified that on Hyungwon’s first day, and, honestly, Hyungwon’s shocked that his cellmate even revealed as much as he already has. But maybe, just maybe there is at least one thing Changkyun might tell him.

“How long is your sentence?” he tries, moving forward to return the tennis ball to Changkyun. He places it on the bed beside the other’s arm but receives no reaction to either his actions or words. Hyungwon tentatively accepts it as a good sign, though, since at least his cell mate isn’t lashing out at him in response. “My sentence is three years,” he admits, poking the tennis ball, watching as it rolled into Changkyun’s arm and then stopped.

“I’m a lifer,” Changkyun answers him.

Hyungwon tenses at the answer, mind racing through what crimes  one would have to commit to land a life sentence. He steps away from the bunk beds, fingers twisting into his orange jumper. When Changkyun turns his head to the side to stare at him, Hyungwon meets his gaze warily and whispers, “Are you a serial killer?”

Changkyun’s lips lift up into an amused smile first before he starts laughing. His laughter starts out soft and quiet, more like a giggle, but grows louder and less controlled in moments. But instead of helping Hyungwon relax, he tenses further, a little creeped out by his cell mate’s behavior. It’s not that funny is it? After his laughter finally dies down Changkyun tells him, “Not even the guards here are insane enough to stick you in a cell alone with a convicted serial killer. They get a cell block all to themselves in a different building. You’re not anywhere near them, and they get single cells anyways. Always. Lucky bastards.” He mutters the last comment bitterly to himself.

Finally Hyungwon lets up on some of the tension in his body though he remains on guard and wary of Changkyun. “But,” he hesitates, “you - you did kill someone, right? I mean, you must have to have gotten a life sentence, right?” Honestly, Hyungwon originally thought Changkyun was likely caught on some drug related charge (he kind of displays all the signs of an anti-social drug user without actually looking like a drug user in Hyungwon’s defense) but nobody lands a life sentence for substance abuse, right?

Changkyun’s lips curl up into a sneer at Hyungwon’s deduction. “I’m no killer,” he denies vehemently, then he turns over to give Hyungwon his back, signaling the end of that particular conversation.

Hyungwon remains unconvinced though. There’s no other way to land a life sentence without committing murder, is there? He’s not expert on law, but he hasn’t heard of many cases where someone was sentenced to life without murder being somehow involved. Well, perhaps some white collar crime could result in a life sentence, but Changkyun doesn’t exactly scream white collar criminal. Hyungwon stiffly distances himself from the bunk beds, clinging to the wall on the other side of the cell. He stays there until they’re allowed out for the evening leisure time.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

It is out in the courtyard before dinner that Hyungwon finally tumbles down the hill he was previously teetering at the very top of. He still shadows Changkyun around during the break, partly because he’s still the only one that Hyungwon knows, but also partly because Changkyun likes to go outside to take walks which is exactly what Hyungwon would like to do on his breaks anyways, so it works out perfectly really.

However, Hyungwon consciously tries to keep a fair amount of distance from Changkyun this time because Changkyun asked him to and because Hyungwon admits he’s a little scared now that he knows that his cellmate may very well be a convicted killer. Facts like that tend to put a damper on budding friendships.

Changkyun sighs, picking up his pace when he notices that New Guy has been following him around the courtyard from a distance. He nears the edge of the field, eyeing one of the nearby guards who eyes him back warily. The guards always hate whenever an inmate approaches the perimeter of the courtyard, but Changkyun has a well established habit of walking around the perimeter in laps, and so the guards usually and grudgingly allow him to have his way. Nevertheless, he likes to gauge the guard each time in case one of them decides to get aggressive.

Finally the guard inclines his head just the tiniest bit, an okay for Changkyun to assume his usual perimeter walk. As he turns to walk along the walls of the courtyard, he throws one last glance over his shoulder to see if New Guy is still following him and pauses when he sees a few inmates confronting his new cell mate. He doesn’t recognize any of them, but none of them look particularly nice or like anyone New Guy seems capable of standing up to.

Sensing an altercation in the works like many of the others, Changkyun stops his activities to watch the confrontation about to unfold. From this distance Changkyun can’t hear, but New Guy seems to stick to his usual routine of stuttering and stammering and trying to back away. Briefly, the men look over their shoulders and catch Changkyun staring. They share a glance with each other. Changkyun assumes they’re trying to determine whether he’ll involve himself if they start something.

Changkyun glances over to the guard he just past by moments before. The man appears on guard, but, though he knows nothing good is about to happen, he makes no move to step forward to interfere. None of the guards do, and none of them will unless the situation becomes too chaotic or someone needs to go to the hospital - likely New Guy in this case.

His gaze flits back to the troublemakers. He shakes his head once to indicate that he’s not involved in New Guy’s affairs in any way. They may be cell mates, but they aren’t friends, and Changkyun isn’t his babysitter. He’s not about to throw himself in the middle of a fight for a cell mate he barely knows and hardly likes.

Now with the clear, the inmates exchange a few more words with New Guy before one loudly accuses, “You think you’re so special!” And the first punch is thrown.

Surprisingly, New Guy manages to dodge that first punch by stupidly deciding to drop to the ground. That position only leaves him more vulnerable and open to their abuses. And abuse they do. Even Changkyun’s expression twists into one of distaste, and he turns away to continue on his walk just as the guards move in to break up the fight. Even they can see how mismatched this is.

Changkyun’s eyes sweep across the courtyard, taking in the mixture of cheers and jeers from the onlookers, as well as Jooheon jogging towards him. He clenches his jaw and crosses his arms as the elder reaches him.

“Man,” the younger pauses to catch his breath, looking over to where the guards are attempting to break up the fight. The inmates though are oddly unwilling to leave and keep throwing in a punch or kick whenever they can while New Guy remains curled up on the ground, trying to wish them away apparently. “They really hate him.”

Changkyun glares at him and asks,”Do _you_ like him?”

“Nah, not really,” Jooheon answers without thinking, eyes still focused on the beating unfolding before them. “He’s an eyesore here, you know? Doesn’t fit in at all.” He licks his lips, smirking a bit when the guards finally pry the troublemakers away from New Guy. “He’s hot though,” he breathes out in admiration. “Have you seriously not done him yet?”

Changkyun rolls his eyes and walks by Jooheon though the elder follows after him regardless. “It’s only been two days, and I’m not interested anyways.”

“Seriously?” Jooheon sounds doubtful. “You’re cell mate looks like _that_ , and you haven’t done anything yet?”

“Yeah, _exactly_ because he looks like that,” Changkyun retorts. “Even if he would make a good fuck, I highly doubt it would be worth it to take care of his delicate ass. I’m not getting myself involved in that shit.”

“Who says you have to give him anything in return? Look at the wimp. You could take his virgin ass no problem,” the elder jokes.

Changkyun takes one more step then pivots around to glare at Jooheon who comes to an abrupt stop when he nearly walks into the younger. For a moment, Changkyun just steadies him with a hard, piercing stare before he finally says, slow and full of venom, “Unlike you, I’m not a sick fuck.”

Jooheon squares his shoulders as if readying himself to fight back. However, instead of biting back with explosive anger, he quietly asks, “When the hell are you going to let that go?”

“Never.”

“I’m just trying to look after you. You haven’t gotten laid for awhile. It might make you less of a pain in the ass. Might wipe that sourpuss expression off your face.”

“Then I’ll call on Kihyun.”

Jooheon snorts at that proposal. “Yeah, right. You haven’t touched that twink in forever.”

“Why are you even so privvy about my sex life?”

“Because you’re my best friend, and I love you. Duh.”

Changkyun waves off that reasoning because they’re not even friends, let alone best friends. Not anymore at least. “At any rate, stay out of my fucking life, will you? It’s not like I would ever want to fuck your ugly ass anyways.”

“You wish you could have a piece of this ugly ass,” Jooheon calls after him, but chooses not to follow.

“Whatever!”

**  
  
  
  
  
**

New Guy doesn’t show in the cafeteria during dinner time, and Changkyun deduces that he’s either being checked out in the prison infirmary or is too scared to show up. He bites his lip to stifle a satisfied smile. Maybe now he’ll finally get the big picture. How things work around here.

Today, like every day, Changkyun sits by himself - or, well, mostly by himself. The table he’s at is occupied, but the end where he sits is empty. He eats his meal quietly, watching everyone who passes just in case. Jooheon sits practically on the other side of the cafeteria where he hangs out with his usual gang of asshole offenders, including Minhyuk who Changkyun had actually kind of liked until he started hanging off of Jooheon.

Looking away, his eye catches Kihyun walking towards him looking as confused as Changkyun feels because Kihyun is heading straight for him. They don’t have a bad relationship or anything, they simply don’t have a relationship. Not really anymore. In some ways it’s because Kihyun is kind of like New Guy. Although slightly better at it, Kihyun struggles to fit into the prison hierarchy the same way New Guy does.

A prolific hacker, he doesn’t know jack about how to deal with the violent offenders here. He does, however, know how to fuck with the common room TV so no one really messes with him too much, plus Changkyun still dotes on him. Just a little.

“Jooheon said you wanted to talk to me?” Kihyun says when he’s standing next to the younger.

Changkyun curses under his breath and pushes his tray away from him, hunger replaced by anger towards Jooheon. “Asshole,” he mutters, dropping his head into his hands.

“What?” Raising a brow, Kihyun sits down across from him and waits for Changkyun to explain.

Finally, the younger lifts his head up to address Kihyun, “Fucking Jooheon thinks I need to get laid.” The elder stares at him for a moment like he’s expecting more, but when he remains silent, Kihyun’s face splits into a grin and he starts laughing. “It’s not funny! I’ll kill that lying motherfucker.”

“Well, I mean, if you need it…” the elder trails off in his offer, biting his lower lip seductively.

Changkyun stares at the pink flesh caught between two pearly white teeth and contemplates taking Kihyun up on his offer before shaking his head. “No,” he says. “I can’t - I don’t want to right now.”

Sighing, Kihyun pouts, and his shoulders slump in defeat. “It’s okay. I get it, with your new cell mate and all.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Makes things easier! More convenient, yeah?” Kihyun wiggles his brows at the younger. He leans forward then, looking around as if to see if others are eavesdropping. He says, “Besides, I’ve seen what that new kid looks like. He’s quite handsome, right?”

“He’s also probably in the infirmary with some broken ribs right now,” Changkyun deadpans. “If you missed what happened in the courtyard earlier.”

“I didn’t. Which reminds me!” Kihyun stands up, reaching across the table to smack Changkyun on the head. The younger winces at the strike but then opens his eyes to glare at Kihyun from beneath his bangs. “You’re such a dick. You should have helped him.”

“What the _fuck?_ No, I shouldn’t have, and I’m glad I didn’t.”

“He’s your cell mate though!”

“That doesn’t mean anything! I’m not going to take on three guys to protect one pussy. It’s not happening.”

“You would have helped if it were me,” Kihyun protests with a frown.

“Yeah, well,” Changkyun stammers, “you’re different.” Then he picks up his tray and slides out of his seat, finished with his dinner.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

The guards herd Changkyun and the other prisoners into their cells after dinner time. They always have to return after dinner to prepare for the night. When Changkyun enters he sees New Guy curled up on the bottom bunk, facing away from the door. The cell doors slide shut with a resounding clang before Changkyun moves over slowly.

“I see you’ve been patched up,” he notes, coming to a stop beside the bed. New Guy doesn’t react except to curl up further into himself and sniffle. Changkyun rolls his eyes up to the ceiling and mouths, “pussy.” Leaning over, he scans the other quickly but can’t see much because New Guy is practically curled up into a ball. “So, what’s the damage?” He asks conversationally. “Any broken bones? Anything I should be aware of?”

New Guy doesn’t say a word.

Changkyun releases his breath and mutters, “Whatever.” Then he climbs up into the top bunk. He picks up his tennis ball from his bed and lies down. He turns the yellow ball over in his hand a couple times and finally settles on a game of wall ball with himself when New Guy suddenly rolls out of bed.

In all honesty, Changkyun isn’t sure what he expects from the other, but definitely not on his list of possible actions his cell mate would ever take is New Guy grabbing him by his orange jumper collar and attempting to drag him out of bed. Changkyun releases a cry when he’s first yanked, head and shoulders dangling over the edge before he reaches back to pry New Guy’s fingers off of him.

But New Guy maintains a tight grip on his clothes despite Changkyun’s nails digging into his hand, unexpected to say the least. He tugs at Changkyun again, and the other twists around so that he can land on his feet as his cell mate drags him off the bed.

“You’re horrible,” New Guy accuses. “You just stood there and watched. Why didn’t you help me?” Changkyun’s jumper is still all twisted up in his grip, but now Changkyu has more leverage and prying his cell mate’s hand away is much easier this time.

“Who the fuck do you think I am exactly? Your mother?” He shoves the taller away from him then proceeds to straighten out his clothes. “I’m not your fucking babysitter or something. And I sure as hell don’t owe you anything. So, in short, New Guy, I was under no obligation whatsoever to help your skinny little ass out, so I didn’t. Do you understand how this works yet? You give, you get.”

“But I don’t have anything to give,” New Guy protests.

“Everyone has something to give.” And in spite of his own reservations, he can’t stop his eyes from trailing down his cell mate’s body. He only tears his eyes away when New Guy shudders under his gaze and attempts to cover his clothed chest with his arms, apparently understanding the meaning behind his words and actions, so Changkyun scrambles to dismiss the idea. “Well, not that everyone is willing or able to give something.”

“Those guys said they’d make life here a living hell,” New Guy tells him.

 _You’ve been here hardly 48 hours and already had a visitor, of course no one likes you_. Changkyun rolls his eyes at New Guy’s problems. “How unfortunate,” he deadpans.

“I don’t feel _safe_ here.”

“You’re in a _prison_. It’s not designed to feel safe for the inmates.”

“So what then? If I let you sleep with me, you’ll help me out next time? Is that what you’re saying?” He asks that question with such incredible composure that Changkyun briefly suspects that he’s done something like this before. Then he shakes his head to dismiss the thought. There’s no way someone like New Guy has done anything like that.

Changkyun frowns though as the suggestion sinks into his brain. Then he moves forward, and the other backs away until he corners New Guy against the wall. He gives his cell mate another once over, but this time his gaze is scornful. He invades his cell mate’s personal space, sizing New Guy up and almost smirking at the fear so clear in his eyes. In spite of his words, he wants Changkyun to back down first. He doesn’t actually want to go through with his own suggestion, and Changkyun knows it. “That,” Changkyun says softly, “depends heavily on whether or not I even want you.”

“You don’t want me?” New Guy asks. He doesn’t sound insulted or confident, just confused.

“Depends on what you want in exchange.”

“Stop calling me New Guy,” he puts forth immediately.

Changkyun snorts at the simple request, the desire to mess with him only increasing now. “Okay, Pretty. I can do that.”

“I mean use my name,” New Guy amends hastily. “My real name.”

“Alright, _Hyungwon_ ,” he says the name mockingly, hands reaching out to grip the front of the taller’s shirt. He undoes one button before asking, “Is that all?”

Hyungwon reaches up to take hold of Changkyun’s wrist to stop him from undoing his prison uniform any further. He licks his lips, looking hesitant, and now Changkyun really wants to push forward just to see how far he can go before Hyungwon breaks. “If those guys come after me again…”

“They won’t,” Changkyun interrupts him, pulling his hand free to continue unbuttoning Hyungwon’s uniform. “I guarantee it.”

“You promise?” Hyungwon asks. He tries capture Changkyun’s hand again to stop him, but the other keeps twisting his hand free.

“I promise,” Changkyun whispers, undoing the last button. Smirking, he fists his hand into Hyungwon’s undershirt and drags him away from the wall. Turning them around, he pulls the top of the orange jumper off of Hyungwon’s shoulders and arms to an alarmed cry before pushing him down onto the bed.

“Wait,” Hyungwon protests, sitting up only for Changkyun to push him down with his foot. He cries out in pain, probably from feeling sore and bruised from his beating earlier while Changkyun shoves his hand beneath the top bunk mattress, hands searching blindly for the half used bottle of lube he knows is under there. He has it from the time he was still fucking Kihyun, and which he originally bribed off a guard. When he finds it, he throws it down on the bed next to Hyungwon’s head who tenses and shifts away as best he can with Changkyun forcing him down with his foot on the other’s chest. “Wait a minute. I -”

“Already trying to back out of your own deal?” he mocks, removing his foot to lean forward. Pushing Hyungwon’s undershirt up until it pools beneath his pits, he exposes his cell mate’s lean, pale torso. Changkyun pauses, not to admire, but to stare at the bruises that have bloomed over his stomach and chest, dark and deep, a clear discoloring of his skin. He frowns at the dark blue and purple marring the other’s pale skin, finding that he hates how it looks, but he ignores it as he says, “Can’t say I respect people who back out of their own deals.” And he forces his eyes away from Hyungwon’s chest to catch his gaze instead.

His cell mate stares back quietly, not knowing how to answer Changkyun, and his chest heaves in what Changkyun assumes is a mixture of pain and anxiety. Changkyun takes his silence as permission to continue though, so he hooks his fingers into Hyungwon’s uniform and pulls them down his legs. Hyungwon struggles again.

“I killed someone,” he blurts out, seemingly out of nowhere - probably - in an attempt to warn Changkyun off.

The younger pauses momentarily, body tensed at the revelation that he might be roomed with a killer. Asshole he was, he isn’t serving time for a murder. He pulls away to stare down at the taller man, searching his eyes for the look of a killer, but all he can see in Hyungwon’s eyes is fear. They are not the eyes of a killer, but of a victim.

“You’re a liar,” Changkyun says after a beat, confident that he is right. Hyungwon eyes him warily, but does not deny it because he can’t, and Changkyun knows that he can’t. With a smile more vicious than nice, Changkyun strips Hyungwon naked.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun has Hyungwon laid out on the bottom bunk, legs spread wide, and three fingers deep in his ass. Annoyance aside, Changkyun cannot believe he waited so long to take his cell mate like this because - fuck - is he hot. Every time Changkyun twists or curls his fingers, Hyungwon shivers and shudders like a hot mess, cock already hard against his stomach, and mouth open in silent moans, and he hasn’t even found that sweet spot yet

“Tell me what really happened,” the younger demands, pulling his fingers out then twisting his wrist as he fucks them back in. Hyungwon’s back arches beautifully at the sensation, stomach fluttering as he gasps for breath. Changkyun smirks, loving all of Hyungwon’s reactions. Before this, Changkyun would have been hard pressed to find a better fuck than Kihyun who was always so sensitive to the intimacy, but Hyungwon is just beautiful, and Changkyun’s not even inside him yet.

“No!” Hyungwon gasps in protest just as the younger finds his sweet spot. Thighs quivering, he digs his fingers into the bedsheets just above his head. Changkyun had said not to move them or else, and he relishes the elder’s obedience. Hyungwon catches the other’s gaze while he tries to settle his breathing, but the younger smiles viciously before digging his fingers against Hyungwon’s prostate. Crying out in pleasure, the elder presses his knees into Changkyun’s ribs in a futile attempt to close his legs.

“Why not?” Changkyun asks, pressing against the soft tissue harder. Hyungwon tosses his head back and moans loud and long in answer. Tears gather in the corner of his eyes from both the jolt of pleasure racing through his body and from the sting of humiliation this whole thing is causing him.

Amused by the reaction, the younger lets up on the pressure, then prompts, “Well? Why won’t you tell me?” But before Hyungwon can answer with words, he digs his fingers into Hyungwon’s sweet spot again, groaning softly at the way his cell mate cries out, a couple tears slipping from his eyes as his whole body convulses. Sighing in satisfaction, Changkyun pulls his fingers out completely, chest swelling with pride at the way Hyungwon’s hole clenches.

“It’s your stupid rule, remember?” Hyungwon spits out after finally regaining his breath. But his voice holds considerably less venom than it probably would have if he isn’t so wrecked right now. “If you want something, you have to give something in return, right? Isn’t that your fucking motto?”

“You are very right,” Changkyun acknowledges, slathering a little more lube onto his fingers. Hyungwon watches him warily as he lowers his hand down between the other’s legs. He rubs lube slicked fingers over Hyungwon’s balls, resulting in another full body shudder. “You’re learning fast. Good boy.” He runs his fingers up along the underside of Hyungwon’s cock. He tilts his head to admire it, thumb first rubbing then digging into the tip, and Changkyun drinks up all of the pained and pleasured moans and cries from Hyungwon’s lips.

He sinks four fingers at once into Hyungwon’s ass this time, biting his lip at the broken moan Hyungwon releases, legs falling further open as if finally giving up and accepting his fate. Then, to test the waters for later, Changkyun starts fucking him hard and fast with his fingers. Hyungwon screams, legs spreading wider and head tilting back as a plethora of curses fall from his lips.

“It’s really quite a shame,” Changkyun tells him.

He presses one hand down on Hyungwon’s stomach, loving how he can feel the muscles twitch and flutter beneath his fingertips while he fucks his cell mate open on four fingers. Hyungwon lifts his feet up to plant them on the edge of the bed, hips pressing up against Changkyun’s hand.

“I’m close,” he whispers into the sheets, fingers tugging urgently at his bedsheets. “I’m close. I’m so close. I’m gonna cum.” With his feet now planted on the bed, he tries to lift his hips up, searching for friction he will not find, but Changkyun holds him down and fucks him faster in retribution.

The younger waits for another full body shudder, sure that Hyungwon is just on the cusp of his orgasm before he rips his fingers out of the other’s hole. Hyungwon cries out in protest, hips stuttering, and he reaches down to finish off quickly, but Changkyun catches both his hands and pins them by the wrist above his head. Hyungwon glares at him though he looks more like a put out puppy with those huge, wet eyes of his.

“It’s such a shame,” Changkyun repeats, dipping two of his lubed fingers into the elder’s mouth and pressing them down on his tongue, forcing Hyungwon to taste himself, “because I guess that means you won’t be coming.”

Hyungwon’s eyebrows furrow, and his eyes widen in a look of confusion. A pitiful noise works its way up his throat, but Changkyun shoves his fingers further into his mouth, causing the elder to choke up instead, gurgling around those fingers, nose scrunched up at the taste. More tears streak down his cheeks, and his throat constricts unpleasantly around Changkyun’s fingers.

The younger sighs as he takes a moment to just admire  his cellmate. Sweat lines his forehead, his bangs matted to it while the rest of his hair fans out on the bed. His eyes are wide and wet and saliva drips out from between his lips, trailing down his chin. His legs are still spread, and his cock is hard and red and neglected against his stomach. With his arms pinned above his head, Changkyun thinks Hyungwon makes a very pretty picture all together, only marred by the bruises covering most of his body. He reminds himself that they won’t be there forever, and when they are gone, Changkyun plans to indulge himself fully.

He drags his fingers over Hyungwon’s tongue and then pulls them out of his mouth, spit dripping from them. Hyungwon coughs a few times while Changkyun shucks off his own uniform and reaches for the lube. When his coughing fit passes, the elder stutters out a breath, then says, “You’re so unfair.”

“No,” Changkyun says, eyes sliding shut as he slicks himself up. When he’s ready, he discards the lube and hooks his hands under Hyungwon’s knees, lifting his legs up until his knees are practically pressed to his chest, bending him in half. The younger leans in close to whisper, “You just ask for far too much.” He presses the tip the tip of his cock to Hyungwon’s entrance and the taller of the two tenses.

“No condom?” he asks in alarm.

Changkyun rolls his eyes and scoffs because Hyungwon’s just proven his point. “See? Always asking for too much. Honestly, you’re lucky you even get lube.”

“But -”

“Don’t worry. I’m good at pulling out, unless you wanted me to come inside you.”

Hyungwon reddens at the suggestion and furiously shakes his head because, no, he would very much not like that, and opens his mouth to tell Changkyun just that, but all that comes out is a whimper when the younger thrusts his hips, sliding inside Hyungwon until he’s fully sheathed inside.

“Shit,” Changkyun curses, fingers digging into the sensitive skin behind Hyungwon’s knees. “Fucking shit. You’ve got a tight little ass.” He rocks his hips, causing Hyungwon to quiver, fingers twisting into the sheets beside his head once more.

Changkyun pauses with a small sigh, adjusting his grip on Hyungwon. Then he _moves_ , thrusting his hips hard and fast, fucking him exactly the same way he had with his fingers. Hyungwon’s toes curl at the rough treament, little cries and whimpers falling from his lips, and he squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t really want to look at Changkyun, but now the sound of skin slapping skin is more prominent which is just as mortifying and humiliating.

The younger releases his grip on one of Hyungwon’s legs so he can wrap his fingers around his cell mate’s length. Moaning, he spreads his legs just a bit wider, begging for more, except Changkyun doesn’t give him anything. He wraps his thumb and forefinger around the base of Hyungwon’s cock and squeezes tight.

“No,” Hyungwon cries out desperately while squirming. He bucks his hips, trying to find release because he was so close before and if he could just -. He releases a howl of frustration when he can’t push himself over the edge. “Fuck you,” he spits at the younger. “Fuck you. This isn’t fair. I’m not some fucking hole for you to use.”

“We’ve already discussed this, and you know my price,” Changkyun tells him calmly, slowing his pace down a little but he still fucks the other just as hard. He stares down at Hyungwon, so condescending, and says, “It’s up to you to decide whether or not you want to come.” After a few more languid thrusts, he picks up speed again, nailing Hyungwon so hard and fast he jerks up and down against the mattress.

The elder breaks.

“I’m gay,” he sobs, and under other circumstances Changkyun might have laughed and acknowledged his skill in bed with other men. But this isn’t a comedic confession about Changkyun’s prowess in bed, so he says nothing while he continues to fuck Hyungwon into the mattress.

“I started college to study English literature, but I moved so far from home that I had to live in the dorms. It was the most convenient place.” He hiccups, eyes welling with tears again and he throws his arms over his eyes as if to hide. But Changkyun can’t tell if the tears are from the recollection of his memories or what’s happening right now. “I was never ashamed to flaunt my sexuality, you know? I knew I was gay since middle school, and my parents were supportive. My friends were great about it too. I was accepted, but...but -” He stammers, back arching at a particularly well aimed thrust.

“ _Shit_ \- there was one asshole in the dorm who always picked on and harassed me. He used to try and take pictures while I was showering in the communal bathroom. He constantly flirted and touched me even though I asked him not to. And he would go around to the other guys on our floor, always warning them not to be alone with me in the bathroom for fear that I might grab one of their dicks are something.

“This went on for the whole school year, but I endured it. He was an asshole, but I figured after that I wouldn’t have to deal with him again, but when I moved back into the dorms again the next year, he was still there and still just as much of an asshole as before.” Unable to take it any longer, Hyungwon reaches down with his hand, desperate to get off, but Changkyun snarls a warning at him, and the hand falls limply down by his side.

Hyungwon draws in a shuddery breath, trying to gather his thoughts to complete his story, but it’s so hard to think through when it feels like Changkyun is try his damnest to fuck his brains out. “I went up onto the dorm’s roof to get away one day. He was being particularly awful, and there was no one around that I could really talk to about it. I felt like I was suffering slowly and quietly all by myself, and I needed some space and time away. The roof was the best option.

“Of course, though, he followed me up there to continue harassing me. It was his favorite thing to do.” Changkyun hips stutter. Heat coils in the pit of his stomach, but he stays focused on Hyungwon’s story, forcefully staving off his orgasm for now. “I’m sure you know how this ends.”

“I have an idea,” Changkyun admits, eyes locked on Hyungwon’s. “Tell me anyways.”

“We got into a fight,” Hyungwon admits. “A really one sided one as you can probably guess from my clear inability to defend myself you were fortunate enough to witness today - fuck.” He curses and twists his body away at a particularly harsh thrust.

“But you’re alive. And I’m assuming he’s not.”

“I pushed him,” Hyungwon says, face twisting in relief when Changkyun finally releases his grip on his cock. He finishes his story though, because he’s already gotten this far, and he has no doubts that those fingers will be back again if he doesn’t deliver the ending. “I pushed him away because he was beating the shit out of me. I pushed him, and he fell. Fourteen stories.”

Changkyun grunts, both hands moving to caress the inside of Hyungwon’s thighs. “They slapped you with a murder charge for _that?_ ” he asks incredulously, running his fingers sensually over the soft skin.

“Involuntary manslaughter,” Hyungwon corrects, bucking his hips. This time Changkyun gives him what he wants, allowing him to fuck up into the ring his finger forms.

Hyungwon comes first with a hiccuping gasp and his head thrown back. His clenches around Changkyun as the younger fucks him through his orgasm before he pulls out, jacking himself a few times before he comes over the elder’s ass and thighs. When he’s finished, he gingerly pulls his uniform back up and advises Hyungwon to clean himself up using the little sink in their cell. Then he climbs up to the top bunk and collapses down.

A moment later, Hyungwon rolls off the bed and limps over to the sink. He turns on the water and sets to work cleaning himself of the come and sweat. When he’s clean, he shuffles back over to the bed and falls face first down onto it, exhausted and drained. “You’re an asshole,” he curses the younger.

Changkyun turns to face the wall, arms crossed over his chest as he stares at it forlornly. “I never even graduated high school,” he comments off-handedly. It’s more a remark to himself than Hyungwon, but the elder hears him clearly. Hyungwon quiets at that. He doesn’t know what to say to that information, so he says nothing.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun upholds his end of the deal well. He stops calling Hyungwon “New Guy” as requested, but he hardly calls him by name either. Hyungwon isn’t sure if that’s much of a victory or not. He also allows the elder to stick close to him again, sometimes even calling him over when he feels Hyungwon strays too far away. Most of the inmates, including the ones who beat him up earlier, leave him alone now. The only people who really approach him now are the ones Changkyun is clearly afraid of, though they never do more than simply talk, and two others who seem to be Changkyun’s friends. Sort of.

The first is Jooheon, who is small and talkative and likes to flirt with Hyungwon a lot. He seems nice enough, but Hyungwon is kind of wary of him because he sometimes makes lewd comments about Hyungwon’s ass, and Changkyun really seems to dislike him which makes him wonder why Jooheon even tries to talk to the younger, but he doesn’t ask. Changkyun wouldn’t tell him anyways.

The second person is Kihyun, who Changkyun seems to like much more. Hyungwon can understand why. Kihyun is much nicer than Jooheon, and Hyungwon discovers that he’s pretty easy to relate to - Kihyun admits that he was beat up pretty bad when he first came, but he did manage to kick one of his attackers in the balls. However, he also has a habit of eyeing Hyungwon suggestively from head-to-toe. Unlike Jooheon though he refrains making any sort of sleazy comments.

“They know we’re fucking,” Changkyun tells him when Hyungwon addresses the issue. “They know, and they’re curious. That’s all.”

“H-how?” Hyungwon squeaks, face red from embarrassment. “And what does that mean?”

“Um, because I’m actually letting you hang around me now. It’s obvious. Everyone can tell.” He pats the elder’s head condescendingly when he realizes Hyungwon really thought their activities were private and secret. “And it means that they also want a taste of you.”

Hyungwon stares at him, and Changkyun rolls his eyes. Does he really want him to spell it out? “They want to fuck you too,” he clarifies bluntly.

The elder flinches at the statement, recoiling in disgust. “I - that -” He doesn’t even enjoy the thought, let alone the fact, that he’s having sex with his own cell mate; he can’t even imagine the thought of giving up his body to two other felons.

“You don’t _need_ to fuck them just because they’re eyeing you,” Changkyun says as if reading the elder’s mind. “In fact, don’t. I don’t like sharing my things.”

Hyungwon bristles at that. “I’m not your _thing_.”

Changkyun straightens out his back.  “Right now you are my plaything,” he corrects, lifting his hands up to work on taking off his uniform. The elder whimpers and curls into himself in dread. “Now,” he says, “be a good boy and maybe I’ll let you come.”

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Truth be told, they don’t have sex every day, however, Changkyun does him often enough that Hyungwon feels both proud and violated at the same time because clearly he’s wanted and desirable given how often Changkyun goes at him, and the praises he moans out whenever he’s inside him only strokes Hyungwon’s ego. However, this is not really how Hyungwon wants to have sex. He has nothing against casual sex, and has had maybe one too many one night stands in college, but having the same partner this often and for the sole purpose of receiving favors in return puts a damper on their relationship.

Hyungwon always thought that he would only be this intimate with a lover. A true lover.

He wants to have sex because he wants to feel good and make his partner feel good, not because it’s the only thing he can offer in a fucked up prison barter system.

Right now, Changkyun has him on the floor, back up against the frame of the bunk bed, and head tilted back against the mattress while Changkyun fucks his mouth. The younger has one foot planted between Hyungwon’s bent legs, the other is on the bed to make it easier for him to face fuck the elder. He has a hand fisted almost painfully in Hyungwon’s long hair, using his grip to hold Hyungwon in place or jerk him up as he thrusts in. Hyungwon always chokes and tears up when he does that which is probably why he does it in the first place.

Spit slips out from the corner of his lips, sliding down his chin and cheeks. Hyungwon doesn’t move to wipe it away because his fingers are latched tightly onto Changkyun’s thighs. The younger commanded earlier that he not touch himself - even keeping Hyungwon fully clothed - and he doesn’t dare to disobey. Hyungwon learned the hard way that Changkyun just becomes crueler and harsher if Hyungwon disobeys.

However, his demands don’t stop Hyungwon from bucking up against the younger’s legs. He shameless ruts and humps Changkyun’s leg, desperate to find relief, but sometimes too he doesn’t even let the elder come, or at least does nothing to help him get off.

Today is one of those days apparently. He jerks Hyungwon’s head up when he’s close and comes down the other’s throat quietly as it constricts around his cock. When he’s finished coming, he slips his length out of Hyungwon’s mouth, leaving him coughing and gasping for breath while blinking tears away from his eyes.

Changkyun straightens out his uniform while Hyungwon stews in his own sexual frustration, but he refuses to reach down and finish himself off. He refuses because he doesn’t want to validate that he likes this because he doesn’t. This isn’t anything other than Changkyun taking what he wants.

“Did you know we have a library?”

Hyungwon lifts wet eyes up to look at Changkyun strangely. Well that came out of nowhere.

“Yes,” he answers. “Technically at least. I’ve never been.”

“Why?”

“I’ve…” Hyungwon trails off, wondering how best to answer that before deciding to just go with the truth. “I’ve been too scared to ask how, I guess. Why do you ask?”

Changkyun shrugs his shoulders. “Don’t know. Guess I just thought you might want to check it out. It’s small and shitty and rarely used by anyone, but you said you were an English major so…” he shrugs again. “Those types like books, right?”

Hyungwon gapes a little at the unexpectedly thoughtful answer even though he tries to sound uninterested. “You think they would have books I would like?”

“Well, I can attest that they’re all incredibly boring books, so probably?”

Hyungwon smiles at the teasing in spite of himself. “What makes you think I like boring books?” he asks, playing along for now.

“You’re an English literature major. Of course you like boring books,” Changkyun reasons. “Only lit majors like boring books. Oh, and vampires I suppose. Lit majors and vampires. It’s a genre that exists entirely for that sub population of people no one likes.”

The elder turns away to hide a laugh about to burst forth and forces it back down. At least his erection is gone by now. When he’s certain he has his smiles under control, he turns back to ask, “okay, how can I access this library?”

“Other than the courtyard and the showers, all the other facilities are accessible except during the night time,” Changkyun tells him as he heads for their cell door, a large piece of metal with only a small window at eye level.

“Wait, really?” Hyungwon asks, eyes wide and mystified.

Changkyun snorts and comments, “Guess they didn’t tell you that, huh? They don’t usually like to, keeps them from doing any extra works, plus they figure not much is lost. The only real resources around here are rarely used. I know some guys who use the classrooms, but they’re getting out in a few months to a few years.”

“They have classroom?” Hyungwon asks with awe.

“It is suppose to be a correctional center,” Changkyun tells him.

“You don’t go?”

“I’m a lifer,” Changkyun reminds him.

“So? Having an education is important no matter what your situation is and -”

“And it’s a huge waste of time,” Changkyun interrupts. “I’d rather take a nap.” He glances back at Hyungwon and smiles. “Trick number one,” and he slides the door open with ease, chuckling at Hyungwon’s gape, “this isn’t a max security prison. They’re only really locked at night or during a lockdown. You can’t go out after dinner until they open in the morning, but otherwise...” He motions for Hyungwon to follow him, and the elder scrambles up from his floor.

“Of course, you can’t be in any area without supervision so,” Changkyun jogs up to a nearby guard who Hyungwon recognizes. The same man who had seemed taken aback by Hoseok. Changkyun exchanges a few words for him, points at Hyungwon, and then the guard nods and walks off. “Follow him,” the younger says, pointing.

“You’re not coming?”

“It’s a _library_.” And honestly, that’s answer enough.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun is right about one thing: the library is pretty small and shitty. Most of the books are legal guides, which the guard tells him is the only reason people ever really use it: to research their own cases, looking for any sort of loophole to jump through. Hyungwon, however, peruses the shelves of the other books and finds that while the choices are quite limited, they’re hardly boring.

He finds a few books he has already read either from high school or college: _Invisible Man, 1984, The Bell Jar_ and others that he hasn’t read. Hyungwon pulls many of them out, flicking through the summary, but also briefly scanning the book, trying to estimate just how long it would take him to finish reading. Given the amount of free time he has now, he imagines the answer is not long.

He has a stack of maybe five books both new and old when he suddenly remembers the man standing watch by the door and turns to him. “Am I allowed to bring these back?” he asks, holding up his books for the guard to see.

The man stares at the books in his hand, then at him, and shakes his head. “You can only bring one back. Sorry.”

Hyungwon sighs. “But I can read here, right?”

The guard seems disappointed, probably because he doesn’t want to stand here all day, but nods his head in consent. “Yes,” he confirms, “you can read here if you’d like.”

Smiling, Hyungwon takes one of the books - one he already read in school - and sits down against the bookshelf to begin reading. He flips to the first page, pressing his hand along the spine to smooth out the rough pages of an old and underutilized book. Then he begins reading silently to himself.

He’s only about thirty pages into his book when the guard who accompanied him finally speaks up. “Wow, you really just do like books, huh?”

Hyungwon jumps not just at the question but at the close proximity of the voice that speaks. When he tilts his head up, he sees the guard leaning over the small bookshelf behind Hyungwon, peering down at him curiously. “Well, yeah,” he answers, leaning forward enough so he can twist around to look at the man. “Why else would I come to a library?”

“Two reasons,” the man holds up two fingers. “The first is to research your case. The second is simply to troll me, neither of which you seem to be doing.”

“No,” Hyungwon laughs, hiding his smile behind his book. “I just like reading.”

The guard tilts his head, appraising Hyungwon with his eyes before asking, “What’s your name?”

“Hyungwon. What’s yours?”

“Hyunwoo,” the guard answers, eyes trailing back over to the book in Hyungwon’s hand. “Beloved,” he reads the title out loud slowly, “any good?”

“It’s really good,” Hyungwon tells him. “Also a little sad and scary. It’s like horror in book form in some ways.”

“Oh?”

“A baby ghost is haunting the main character. Or that’s what the woman thinks at any rate,” Hyungwon explains. At Hyunwoo’s odd look, he hastily adds, “It’s not just about that though of course! It’s really an ode to motherhood, in my opinion, but it also deals with really heavy subjects like slavery. I read this book back in high school.”

Hyunwoo nods his head slowly at that, fingers tapping against the top of the bookshelf thoughtfully. “You know, it’s actually quite rare for people to come here, as I’m sure you’ve heard, especially for fun.”

“But reading books is fun!” Hyungwon scoffs.

“Well, it would be a more productive way for the others to spend their time,” Hyunwoo admits though he still seems bored and put out about having to be here. “Most of them are more interested in trying to find an accurate way of measuring testosterone levels and comparing dick sizes.” He sighs.

Hyungwon makes a face at the last part. He may be gay, but that is disgusting. “Do they really?” he asks.

The guard smiles at him. “What? They haven’t pressured you about how big your dick is yet?”

The prisoners shakes his head vigorously because, ew, no. “No, I -” he hesitates. “People don’t really bother me much now. Because of Changkyun.”

“Changkyun, huh,” Hyunwoo muses to himself, expression thoughtful. “You guys get along? I was actually kind of surprised he told you about this library. It’s not something I would have expected from him.”

Hyungwon’s neck is starting to hurt from keeping his head tilted back, but he endures it because it would be rude not to look at the guard whom he is conversing with. “What do you mean?” he asks, abandoning his book fully in favor of this conversation. It is slightly more interesting, and Hyungwon is willing to listen to pretty much anyone who might provide any more insight into his cell mate.

“He’s a pretty jaded guy,” the guy remarks, but Hyungwon already knows that. “He has a total every man for himself personality. He pretty much never does anything without some kind of benefit to himself.” A sudden thought comes to him then though. “Although, I suppose you being here means he gets the cell to himself now, huh? Guy never changes.”

Hyungwon’s expression darkens at the deduction, but he finds that he isn’t surprised at all. Changkyun’s demonstrated repeatedly that he’s incredibly selfish, but it still sucks to think that he can’t or won’t be nice just to be _nice_. “Is it really that great to have the cell to himself?” he mutters.

“For him,” Hyungwoo answers. “You know, he used to come to the library quite frequently.” Hyungwon perks up at this new information. Well that is certainly unexpected. “Mostly to do legal research. I heard he was in the middle of his appeals, but sometimes, when he was done pouring over the law books, he would look through some of the other books. Sometimes he spent hours in here at a time. Then he just stopped coming.”

“He likes books?” Hyungwon wonders aloud.

The guard shakes his head and shrugs. “Not that I can speak for him, though I was the one who usually supervised his, but it wasn’t so much the books, just the quietness he liked,” Hyunwoo gossips. “It seemed to calm him, the solidarity of it. He usually came in all irritated and worked up, but he always left in a much better mood. Same thing happened after he spent time in solitary confinement.”

“Why was he in solitary confinement?”

“Beat up some guys pretty bad,” Hyunwoo says. “I didn’t help detain him, but fuck, I would have hated to be one of the officers who did. Heard he wouldn’t stop pounding the wall and yelling at first, but when he came out he was _content_. Not quite happy but… Anyways I get the idea he just likes being alone. No one to bother him.”

“But then he stopped coming here?” Hyungwon prompts, trying to pull the guard back on track.

“Around the time he suddenly dropped his appeal case,” Hyungwoo confirms.

The inmate’s brows furrow in thought. He supposes it makes sense that if Changkyun no longer has a need to go to the library he wouldn’t. What he can’t make sense of is why he started an appeals process just to drop it later. He remembers Changkyun saying something about giving up but _why?_ He peeks up at the guard and chances a question, “Do you know what he did? I mean, to land him in prison.”

To his disappointment, the guard shakes his head. “No, I’m not really privy to that kind of information, and I think I’d rather not know what kind of felons I’m watching over. I only know the highly publicized cases, just like everyone else.”

“I see.”

“All I know is that he and this kid, Jooheon, were partners in crime, but I guess something happened. They got into a brawl with each other on their first day here and have always clashed since. Thankfully they rarely get into physical altercations anymore, but everyone knows they hate each other.”

Hyungwon’s heart beats hard against his chest. He hadn’t know that before. He assumed the two of them had met in prison, and Jooheon just rubbed Changkyun the wrong way, but now he has information on Changkyun his cell mate probably has no intention of ever telling him. He promises himself to use this information wisely.

“Oh, well, sorry for interrupting you. I’ll let you get back to your reading.”

“No, it’s no problem,” Hyungwon assures him while opening his book back to the page he left out at. “It’s nice just talking to someone. So thank you.”

Hyunwoo smiles at him, genuinely smiles, and it’s a nice smile. “You’re not bad company yourself despite how annoying your lawyer is.”

Smiling at the teasing, Hyungwon apologizes for Hoseok again even though he doesn’t really mean it. Hoseok is Hoseok, and he’s never going to change. He goes back to his book then, reading through the pages silently as Hyunwoo prowls around the library, perusing the different books available to the prisoners. However, like Changkyun predicts, he doesn’t seem to find anything of interest.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

After his conversation with the guard, Hyunwoo, Hyungwon starts paying more attention to the interactions between Jooheon and Changkyun which is difficult to say the least because they hardly interact with each other. It’s rare for Jooheon to ever approach them, and Changkyun never goes to Jooheon. Never.

But even when Jooheon does slink over to talk, he hardly ever converses with Changkyun. He seems to avoid it, in fact, preferring to chat with Hyungwon - or sexually harass him in his own humble opinion. When they do interact with each other though, it tends to be explosive. Changkyun has a habit of baring his teeth and hurling insults while Jooheon likes to play peacemaker. It’s not much, but Hyungwon suspects whatever happened, Changkyun is the one who feels wronged. And judging by Jooheon’s simple strategy of sucking up to the younger, Hyungwon safely bets that he truly was wronged.

What happened though Hyungwon can only guess. Neither of them discuss anything in detail, only referring to some kind of incident between them as “that.”

_Can’t you let “that” go?_

_Like I can forget “that,” asshole_.

Hyungwon briefly considers just asking Jooheon about their relationship with each other, but decides - probably wisely - against it. He has a horrible feeling that Jooheon would only agree if Hyungwon would bend over for him, but it’s humiliating enough that he hears other inmates whisper to each other about how he’s Changkyun’s bitch. He doesn’t need to be Jooheon’s too.

One time they’re in the common room when Jooheon comes over. Hyungwon listens to their conversation intently, but it’s nothing worthy of interest. In fact, Hyungwon quickly tunes them out because Jooheon won’t shut up about what it must feel like to be inside of him, and Changkyun, asshole that he is, stares Hyungwon in the eyes as he encourages the other.

“He’s tight as a virgin,” he says, pinning Hyungwon with his gaze, “but he begs like a slut.” His hands curl into fists at the comment, and to anyone else, under any other circumstances, Hyungwon would have fought back. He would have slapped Changkyun and chewed him out for treating him like that, but he doesn’t. He _can’t_. The first time Changkyun talked down to him like that, Hyungwon had and it hadn’t ended well.

Changkyun had held him down on the bed, and he had been cruel. He fucked Hyungwon open first on just a few fingers, then his whole fist, but unlike his usual punishments, he hadn’t prevented Hyungwon from coming, but instead ripped orgasm after orgasm from his helpless body instead. Each time he made sure to remind him that this was proof that Hyungwon was a whore, reminded him just where Changkyun thought he belonged.

Hyungwon had come until he cried, then curled up on his bed and cried some more. But he learned his lesson, and he never tried to back talk Changkyun again. He learned his lesson. There was no use trying to appeal to the younger because he didn’t _care_. He learned his lesson. He _hated_ Changkyun.

“Seriously, dude,” Jooheon whines, shifting from foot to foot. “You’re gonna give me a boner.”

“You’re the one that asked,” Changkyun snorts.

Hyungwon turns away, refusing to listen to this conversation any longer, so he completely misses the build up to their current fight.

“Christ would you just listen to me for once? I am trying to fix this.” Jooheon demands, but the younger is having none of it.

“There is literally nothing you can say or do to fix this,” Changkyun hisses back. “In fact, there is nothing to even fucking fix!”

“I am trying to help you -”

“ _Trying to help me?_ ” Changkyun laughs sardonically, like he finds the sentiment both hilarious and insulting. “Trying to help me? Is that what you fucking told yourself when you -” then he cuts himself off, like he realizes he’s saying to much out in the open, and Hyungwon bites his lip hard in disappointment. “Trust me if I could, I would fucking kill you, Lee Jooheon. You _ruined my life_.”

Well, that’s a bit dramatic, Hyungwon thinks to himself, but Hyunwoo approaches him then, tapping him on the shoulder to catch his attention. Hyungwon whirls around, but calms considerably when he notices it’s just Hyunwoo. He likes the guard. The man is nice.

Hyunwoo glances over the prisoner’s shoulder to where Jooheon and Changkyun are still basically snarling at each other, but makes no move to intervene. It seems to be their policy to let the inmates work at their problems. “You’re rude lawyer is back,” he tells Hyungwon, eyes moving back down to meet his gaze. “Shall I take you to him?”

Hyungwon glances over at Changkyun and Jooheon a bit longingly. Truthfully, he would like to stay put to see how this fight turns out, but his meeting with Hoseok is too important. He prioritizes his getting out over gathering information to hang over Changkyun first. After all, if he’s no longer here, he no longer has any need to worry about Changkyun. So he turns back to Hyunwoo and nods his head, “if you would. Thank you.”

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Like all the other times Hoseok has come to visit him over the past few months, he fusses over Hyungwon like a worried mother hen while occasionally shooting Hyunwoo dirty looks as if blaming him for everything he thinks is wrong about his baby. The guard has learned how to minimize any scathing remarks though, like taking off Hyungwon’s cuffs immediately without being asked.

This always pleases Hoseok briefly before he finds something else to complain about. “You look like you’ve lost even more weight since the last time I saw you,” he squawks in alarm, pinching Hyungwon’s sides to test for the amount of fat there. “Are they even feeding you?” He turns to Hyunwoo before anyone can even answer him. “Are you feeding him?”

“I’m fine, Hoseok,” Hyungwon reassures him. He grips Hoseok by the wrists and pushes the elder’s hands away from his body. “I eat three meals a day, and it’s not like Hyunwoo personally oversees my diet. Stop accusing him of starving me,” he admonishes gently.

Truthfully though, Hyungwon has lost a bit of weight, though that had been more the result of a minor bout of depression brought on by being both imprisoned and having to deal with the likes of Changkyun. Neither are particularly good for one’s mental health. Sometimes he has a hard time stomaching food. Other times he is just not hungry enough to eat, so he doesn’t. Either way though, Hyunwoo is hardly to blame.

However, Hoseok raises an eyebrow in surprise, though Hyungwon thinks his expression is particularly judgemental right now. His lawyer glances at Hyunwoo in the corner with narrowed, suspicious eyes. “You guys close or something? On a first name basis?”

“We talk sometimes,” Hyungwon explains with a small, casual shrug, not wanting to provoke his friend. “There’s a library here, but we’re not allowed to be in it alone. Hyunwoo often accompanies me there, and sometimes we talk. He’s really nice.”

Hoseok seems to lighten up at Hyungwon’s explanation, and he drops the issue much to the younger’s relief. He leads Hyungwon by the hand over to the table and seats him there as he always does before circling around to the other side to take a seat across from him. “How are you doing?” he asks, same as always.

Hyungwon slaps a smile on his face, as usual, and lies, “I’m okay.” Then he says more truthfully, “I want to go home.”

Once upon a time, during Hoseok’s second visit, Hyungwon considered spilling everything. His friend sat across from him and asked how he was, and Hyungwon stared back, thinking about the bruises the inmates had given him from all the punches and kicks. He thought he could tell him about how he cried himself to sleep most nights because he misses his home and bed. How, as much as he always complained about it, he would give anything to be back in school, wasting his precious free time in class. And he thought he could tell him about the way Changkyun treated him like a toy. He called Hyungwon his _plaything_. He could have told Hoseok all that because he trusted him, with everything, but not this. He couldn’t tell Hoseok this for the sake of his dignity, already stepped upon by his cell mate.

So he lies.

He tells Hoseok that he’s fine, always, choosing to count down the days until he’s free and can leave this whole mess behind him. No one needs to know what is happening in here to him. No one.

“Well, I have some good and bad news,” Hoseok tells him, leaning forward onto the table. Hyungwon perks, lifting big, hopeful eyes up to meet his friend’s gaze, but Hoseok’s hesitant smile indicates that he shouldn’t get his hopes up too high.

“Okay,” Hyungwon acknowledges, recognizing the silent warning in the elder’s expression. He breathes in deeply a few times, trying to calm his excited nerves down. It takes him a moment, but when he’s calm he nods his head. “Okay,” he repeats. “Okay, tell me.”

Hoseok sighs. “I finally got a judge to look over our request, and he, thankfully, granted the request for a new trial.” Hyungwon’s shoulders lift, and he grins wide and pleased Hoseok’s warning fleeing from the forefront of his mind in the wake of such good news. “But -” the lawyer cuts in fiercely, dragging the younger back to reality, “He didn’t set a date for the trial, which isn’t a good sign.”

Hyungwon’s smile drops down into a frown now, expression clearly displaying his inner turmoil and confusion. “Why?” he asks tentatively. “I mean, we got a new trial, right? That’s good, isn’t it?”

“Yes, yes! It’s very good. It means that we have a chance to get you out of here,” Hoseok hurriedly answers him. “It is good, Hyungwon. I promise you. The problem is,” and he sighs again, running his hands through his hair. “The problem is that since the judge didn’t set a date, it will probably still be awhile before your new trial is even set to start. Which means that in the meantime…” he trails off.

Hyungwon deflates visibly, shoulders slumping, chin nearly pressing against his chest. “Which means I’m stuck here while we wait for the trial to begin. Which is, as of yet, undecided?”

Biting his lip, Hoseok nods his head in confirmation. “I’ll keep pressing for a date to be set, but I don’t expect anything too soon. I’ll see what I can do.”

“Okay. Thank you, Hoseok. For everything,” Hyungwon says. Then he smiles again, genuinely happy though it’s not nearly as bright as before. Still, just the reminder that they’ve managed to obtain a retrial is enough to lift Hyungwon’s spirits, and he leaves the visiting room with his head held high.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

After his meeting with Hoseok, Hyungwon heads back to the common room where he last saw Changkyun and Jooheon, but neither of them are where he last remembers. A quick sweep of the room reveals Changkyun is gone, but Jooheon is off in the corner talking with another group of people, including Kihyun. Aware that he is more or less defenseless here without Changkyun around, he shuffles over to Jooheon without drawing any attention to himself to ask where his cell mate has gone.

Oddly, Jooheon hardly spares him a glance as he says Changkyun returned to his cell awhile ago, so Hyungwon decides it best to avoid him and drags Hyunwoo off to the library to kill some time.

When he finally returns to the cell, he enters to the image of Changkyun sitting up on the top bunk, back leant against the wall, and one leg dangling off the side with his nose buried into the most recent book Hyungwon brought back from the library. When Hyungwon enters, he casually drops the book onto his bed and comments, “As boring as I expected.”

“I didn’t pick it out for you,” Hyungwon mumbles to himself. He can sense the younger is in a bad mood and doesn’t particularly want to provoke him.

“It matches you,” he continues, either ignoring or truly ignorant to the elder’s words. “Dull, but full of pretty words. Attractive to those who want to feel sophisticated but truthfully no one actually likes it.”

Hyungwon flinches, body going rigid. “You’re in a bad mood,” he notes.

Changkyun slides gracefully off the bed. “I am,” he acknowledges, crossing his arms and staring pointedly at Hyungwon.

He doesn’t have to be told twice. Hyungwon immediately starts undoing his uniform.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun tilts his head to the side in observance. He sits at the edge of the bottom bunk, hands planted on the mattress behind him so he can lean comfortably back as he watches his cellmate with an intense gaze. Hyungwon sits on the floor, clothes abandoned in a corner of the cell. His knees are bent, feet flat on the cold floor beneath him as he works a hand uncertainly between his legs, stroking himself while on display for the younger inmate.

“I can’t see,” he complains. “Spread your legs more.”

Hyungwon tenses up, back especially rigid as he pauses in his motions. This doesn’t particularly feel good, and he’s barely even hard, but he feels a jolt of pleasure down his spine from Changkyun’s words. He hesitates another moment before he relaxes, allowing his legs to fall open.  The younger makes a pleased noise, so Hyungwon starts up again. He pumps his length half heartedly. It feels good, but the pleasure is dampened considerably by the current situation, and all his problems with Changkyun.

He moans softly to himself, bucking his hips up a few times, but nothing he does matters. He can’t get off like this. There is no way. Changkyun seems to pick up on this as well, but he clicks his tongue and shakes his head in disapproval.

“Stop,” he commands.

Hyungwon obeys, feeling both relieved and frustrated. He really doesn’t want to do this in front of his cellmate, but he also is half hard and would like that sweet release.

With a crook of his fingers, Changkyun motions him over. “Come here,” he adds.

Placing both hands behind his legs, Hyungwon lifts himself off the floor just enough that he can scoot closer before stopping. Changkyun shakes his head, motioning him closer again. Hyungwon repeats the motion until his knees are practically pressed up against the bedframe, legs straddling Changkyun’s shins.

Smiling, though his expression is anything but kind, Changkyun lifts one foot up and presses it down against Hyungwon’s crotch. Gasping in surprise, his body twitches before hunching over, one hand instinctively gripping Changkyun by the calf, though whether to pull his foot off or keep it there Hyungwon can’t tell. He just holds on and waits for the younger to make the next move.

“You’re so boring,” he criticizes, pressing his heel against the base of Hyungwon’s cock and circling it slowly. Hyungwon shudders and throws his head back with a loud, wanton moan. “You’re suppose to put on a show for me, yet I’m the one who has to do all the work.” His toes curl around the head of Hyungwon’s cock before he moves his foot down far enough that he can press his heel against the elder’s balls, rubbing over the area slowly.

Hyungwon wails, collapsing onto his back as he lifts his feet up until only the toes press against floor. His thighs quiver and he releases his grip on Changkyun’s calf to throw his arm over his eyes, trying to hide his embarrassment. This is so humiliating in the best and worst way.

“I don’t think I should let you come.”

Hyungwon’s hips buck up at the threat, and a pathetic sob escapes him because no, no, no. That’s not fair.

“Not fair? You’ve not even worked for it,” Changkyun corrects him, and Hyungwon’s horrified to think that he just whined his complaint out loud. Changkyun presses his foot against Hyungwon hard, twisting his foot slowly to the right then to the left, and it _feels so good_. Hyungwon arches his back, another broken moan falling from his plush lips.

“Beg for it,” Changkyun demands, rubbing up and down the other’s length now. “Beg for me to let you cum and I might.”

“Please,” Hyungwon begs pathetically.

Immediately, Changkyun lets up on his pressure, now only rolling his foot in small circles. Hyungwon sobs, knowing his release is as good as gone now. He hadn’t been good enough.

“Look at me,” the younger demands.

It takes Hyungwon a moment, feet lowering back fully to the ground, before he swings his arm off his face and lifts his head to look at Changkyun. He doesn’t quite stare the younger in the eye, choosing to look more at his neck, but it’s good enough for his cell mate.

“Now beg. Properly this time.”

Hyungwon’s eyes really do snap up to meet his gaze this time, lips trembling. Just do what he wants, a small voice in the back of his head. It makes things easier. Changkyun isn’t usually this generous. Forcing himself to maintain his gaze on Changkyun, he tries again, “Please. Please let me come. _Please_. I’ll do anything. Just please, please, please!”

Changkyun grins in satisfaction, pressing down and rolling his foot again. Hyungwon’s head drops back to the ground with an audible thunk, and he moans helplessly. The younger continues his ministrations, working gradually faster and harder until Hyungwon comes undone at the seams, releasing all over his stomach and Changkyun’s toes. The younger doesn’t let him up until Hyungwon licks each one of them clean.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

The library is the perfect escape for him. Spending his time reading through the books here allow him the perfect opportunity to leave everything behind and escape from reality if only for a few hours. Nevertheless those few hours devoid of Changkyun, prison, and reality are some of the best few hours of his life. So Hyungwon escapes to the library often, for as long as he can.

It’s perfect. No one comes around, just as Hyunwoo had informed him the first time. Sitting here surrounded only by books and the silence of the library is perfect, so he’s more than a little startled and perturbed when his perfect world is invaded for the first time.

Jooheon comes barging in one day, interrupting the usual silence with his restlessness and loud voice. He stares at the younger, book open in his lap while Jooheon stares back, chest heaving a bit from exertion. Hyunwoo looks at the newcomer and raises a brow, but he makes no comment. Nevertheless, Hyungwon glances at the guard, half expecting him to say something. When Hyunwoo remains silent, Hyungwon speaks up instead, “Uh, hi.”

Jooheon nods his head in greeting, “Hi.” Then he says nothing else.

Enveloped again in an uncomfortably pregnant silence brought about by Jooheon’s sudden appearance, Hyungwon again looks to the guard for guidance, but Hyunwoo shakes his head. He has no idea what Jooheon wants and he doesn’t particularly care either. It’s not his business. So Hyungwon sucks in a breath and gathers his courage to speak.

“Are you looking for something?”

Jooheon’s eyes wander to the guard warily. Then he says hesitantly, “Yeah, actually. I was, uh, kind of looking for you.”

Hyungwon instinctively tenses and edges towards Hyunwoo for protection. He doesn’t like the way that Jooheon’s words sounded, but surely the younger wouldn’t try anything with a guard standing just a few feet away.

Swallowing visibly, Jooheon elaborates without seeming to sense the other’s distress or discomfort. “I was trying to find you to talk to you. Kihyun told me you come here a lot.” He holds his arms out to indicate that he isn’t hiding anything. “So here I am to talk. If you’re willing at least.”

Hyungwon relaxes a bit at Jooheon’s tone and words, believing easily that he really does just want to talk. Okay, he can oblige a conversation. Setting his book aside, he pulls his knees up to his chest and nods his head in consent. “Okay. What is it you wanted to talk about?”

But Jooheon glances over at Hyunwoo and seems unwilling to say anything further in the presence of the guard. “It’s kind of private,” he says to Hyungwon even while keeping his eyes fixed on Hyunwoo. Hyungwon’s shoulders tense up and he feels on edge once again. Even if Jooheon just wants to talk, he would prefer to do it under the safety of Hyunwoo’s supervision, so he nearly freaks when the guard sighs and moves away.

“I don’t really care anyways,” he tells Jooheon, but moves anyways.

Relieved, Jooheon scrambles to Hyungwon, pulling him to the other side of the library for a bit of privacy, and he follows unwillingly. “It’s about Changkyun,” he whispers once they’re in the corner. He glances back to make sure the guard isn’t paying attention to them.

Hyungwon perks. Oh? About Changkyun? Okay, he’s interested.

“I need you to talk to him for me.”

Okay, no longer interested. Hyungwon doesn’t even say anything as he turns to walk away, but the younger boy snatches him by the arm and holds on tightly, pulling him back when Hyungwon leaves. “No, wait. Hear me out, please, Hyungwon. You’re the only one I can talk to about this. _Please_.”

“If you think Changkyun will listen to anything I say -”

“But he would!” Jooheon insists. “I think he would at least. He’s nice to you.”

Hyungwon stares deadpan at the younger inmate, crossing his one free arm, the absolute picture of unimpressed. “Nice?” he repeats, raising a brow. “He treats me like his fucking toy. He says everything I say is stupid. He is not nice to me.”

“For him, that is being nice,” Jooheon corrects him. “And anyways, you picked to be his toy. But more important than that,” he continues on hastily when Hyungwon opens his mouth to yell at him, “I know you’ll listen to me, and that Changkyun will listen to you. I would have gone to Kihyun, but he wouldn’t care. He’d just use that kind of information against both of us ‘cause he’s an asshole.”

Hyungwon’s heart rate speeds up at Jooheon’s words, but he hides the excitement from his expression. He would happily use any information he could get against Changkyun, but he doesn’t want to let the other know that. “What kind of information are we talking about here?”

“I’ll explain everything,” Jooheon promises. Hyungwon bites his lip, wondering what “everything” is suppose to be. “So, will you listen to my request?”

**  
  
  
  
  
**

“What I want you to tell is that I’m willing to testify in his favor if he tries to appeal his verdict again,” Jooheon says all in one breath.

“I don’t think he will,” Hyungwon says, immediately dismissing the request with a wave of his hand. “He’s sort of talked about it before. He seems to have given up. I don’t think he’s interested in appealing. Plus he said he had nothing new to bring forth to his appeal -”

“Now he does though,” Jooheon cuts in, patting his chest with one hand.

Hyungwon’s mouth slowly shuts as the younger’s words sink into his brain. He knew from Hyunwoo that whatever they did to land them in prison they had done it together, but if this is new to Changkyun’s case, then that means...The gears start turning in Hyungwon’s mind, and, apparently noticing, Jooheon nods his head and confirms the elder’s suspicions. “Yeah, I didn’t testify for him during his trial.”

“Why not?”

“It’s a long story,” Jooheon tells him, but he doesn’t sound like he’s avoiding the topic, just that he’s warning Hyungwon that he might have to listen for awhile.

“Okay.” Hyungwon agrees to hear this story, careful to keep his grin from his face.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

“The two of us are actually childhood friends,” Jooheon begins. “We were neighbors in a dump of a neighborhood to be honest. Both of us came from poor families, so I guess we just inevitably gravitated towards each other to keep ourselves preoccupied.

“Things started getting all fucked up in high school. You seem more like the middle class type to me, so I don’t really expect you to understand, but truthfully no one really expects much from you when you’re poor, right? We learned this at a pretty early age, Changkyun and I. Basically it goes: you graduate high school and immediately enter into some minimum wage job to help your parents pay the bills. Then you’re just stuck working that job for the rest of your life.”

Hyungwon wonders if he should say something to all the self-deprecating words falling for Jooheon’s lips. They’re bizarre to him. Jooheon is telling him quite a depressing, helpless story, but he doesn’t sound like he’s seeking out Hyungwon’s pity. He narrates his story just like a narrator would. Almost like he’s detached from it now. So he decides to keep quiet and allow Jooheon to continue unabated partly because he’s a bit creeped out, but also because he’s probably right. Hyungwon doesn’t understand.

“Changkyun was different though,” the younger declares proudly like a parent showcasing their child. “He was smart and did well in school. The teachers all loved him, and he was probably well on his way to a college scholarship when I ruined it for him.

“See, I fell in with the wrong crowd in my freshmen year. I’m sure you know how this story goes.” Indeed, Hyungwon does, but he’s still unnerved by Jooheon’s narration abilities. “I did a shitload of drugs in high school, but even though Changkyun and I ran in different circles in high school we were still pretty close. He was always scolding me, trying to ween me off drugs. Fuck, I landed in jail for a week once because of him.” Jooheon smiles fondly at the memory. “He called the cops on me once. They got me for underage drinking, then he came and bailed me out, asking if I had learned my lesson.”

“Did you?” Hyungwon asks, finding himself oddly hopeful.

“No,” Jooheon shakes his head, looking ashamed of himself. “I promised him that I would get better, but I pretty much just jumped right back into my old group of friends, doing more drugs than ever probably. Changkyun got so pissed he stopped talking to me for about a year. At the time I suppose I was okay with it. My life at the time mostly revolved around getting a fix and Changkyun wasn’t providing me with that, obviously, so I didn’t really pay much attention.

“But then I had a pretty bad falling out with my circle at the time. I had stolen some drugs from one of them, so they wouldn’t have anything to do with me. I was also out of my own stash and in need of some more, but without my group, I didn’t have the connections I needed.”

Hyungwon can’t help but wrinkle his nose a bit at Jooheon’s story. It draws equal parts sympathy and scorn from him because he just can’t find it in himself to sympathize with a drug user even though his mind tells him that Jooheon suffered through an addiction. And maybe it wasn’t his fault. More importantly, Changkyun seemed to have been both a clean and a responsible teenager, so how had he ended up here of all places?

“I found myself needing to buy,” Jooheon tells him, and finally his voice changes. He no longer sounds like a narrator, but a child confessing a bad deed to his parent: guilty and remorseful. “I figured the easiest way to make some money for my stash was to, you know, steal it. And I looped Changkyun into it.”

Hyungwon’s breath hitched a little at that because oh. _Oh_. “How?” he asks before he can help himself. From Jooheon’s story, it sounded like Changkyun had been incredibly against his drug habits, so how the hell had he looped him into a scheme to steal money to fund said drug habits.

“I lied to him. He told him that I had quit - that I was working on quitting - but I accumulated some debt with my old friends. He was still reluctant at first, but I think I hooked him when I said that it would be much easier to just quit and move on after I got this money.” Jooheon smiles bitterly at the lie. “We just did small things at first. Conning people out of their money, or stealing their wallets when they were distracted, but sometimes the pay off just wasn’t good enough. So I - stupidly - decided to stage a robbery.”

Jooheon lowers his head down far enough that Hyungwon can no longer see his eyes, and he just stares at the top of the younger’s head while he continues his story. “Nothing was suppose to happen. We found an easy house with some rich looking people in it. The plan was to sneak in while they were out, snoop for some cash and other valuables and then leave again.

“The man who lived there, the - the husband, he owned a gun, I guess. I found it hidden in his bedside drawer while we were searching. I don’t really know why I took it to be honest. I just thought it would be useful, so I did. A-anyways, the two of them came home - husband and wife - earlier than we expected and - and…” he trails off, shifting from foot to foot.

Hyungwon bites his lips. This is when the real story begins. He can tell.

“Changkyun panicked, understandably, and that man really put up a good fight. He almost immediately tackled Changkyun when he realized what was going on, and I freaked. I don’t know, I just -”

Hyungwon’s chest heaves from breathing too heavily, eyes wide in realization. “You shot him.”

“I killed him,” Jooheon corrects quietly, head turned away in shame. “He was attacking my friend, we were caught, and I had a weapon. I’m not saying it’s an excuse or anything, but it was a perfect storm.”

“And the wife?”

Jooheon panics a little now, devolving into a complete ramble. “I had already killed the husband. I didn’t know what the hell to do. I was scared, she was screaming bloody murder, Changkyun was dead silent. I just thought it would be better -” he cuts himself off, but he doesn’t need to finish. Hyungwon already knows.

He killed her too.

“We were caught, obviously, about three months later and that was when things really, really started to go down hill. We were both slapped with an armed robbery and second degree murder charge, but I heard Changkyun kept denying both charges. He was neither armed at the time nor did he commit murder. He confessed to trespassing and robbery, but adamantly denied it being armed robbery.

“The persecutor though,” Jooheon sighs like he’s remembering the man right now, “he was awful. He was totally out to get us. Both of us. Honestly, by all means the evidence pointed to me. Yes, they could say with confidence that Changkyun had been there, but they couldn’t prove he had been armed or that participated in the actual, um, murders. But this guy, he was determined to send us to prison for life, I swear. So he offered me a deal.”

Hyungwon watches Jooheon warily as the younger licks his lips. He has a bad feeling about this.

“My prospects weren’t looking very good at the time. The prosecutor said I could be looking at a life sentence without the possibility of parole, but he promised he would go for the death penalty unless I testified against Changkyun.”

“And you took the deal,” Hyungwon says without any judgment just a bit of awe and shock.

Jooheon finally lifts his head up, but only so he can tilt it back towards the ceiling, trying to blink away the wetness in his eyes. “The worst part was when I got on the stand. Changkyun watched me as I lied so thoroughly about his involvement. I claimed he had shot the wife, and that he had found another gun that we disposed of later. He watched, and he couldn’t even say anything. I almost hoped he would take the stand so that he could point me out as a liar, but he never did. The jury thought he was guilty the moment the drugs became involved. I think his defense team just thought it would make it worse.

“It didn’t matter who testified for him, or the fact that even I had stated he wasn’t a drug user. They thought he was, and they thought he was guilty. And now he’s here. Because of me.” Hyungwon doesn’t know whether to feel sorry for him or not.

“Look, I know you hate him.” Hyungwon tenses up at those words. Is it that obvious? “But please, please do this for me. I have to get him out of here.”

“Have to?” Hyungwon raises an eyebrow at the wording.

Jooheon rubs his hands over his face, wiping at the tears in his eyes. “You hate him because he hurts you and uses you and treats you like shit. You hate me too because I’m not much better.” He smiles a bit ruefully when Hyungwon takes a startled step backwards. “I don’t blame you for it. You have the right to, but that’s not who he is. Being here has changed him. He’s not the same person I knew.”

“And what was the person you knew like?” Hyungwon asks, unconvinced and unimpressed.

Jooheon sighs. “He was a good kid. You have to believe me. He was nice. Kind. Blunt and sometimes critical to a fault, but never mean or spiteful, and the things he says to you - does to you - I could never have imagined him doing before. He was nice and happy. He wouldn’t have tried to kill himself.”

Hyungwon breathes out sharply, “ _What?_ ”

The younger tenses, on alert now. “No, forget it,” he waves the other off. “Just think about what I asked, yeah? I know you don’t owe either of us anything, but please consider it,” Jooheon pleads. Then he suddenly retreats before Hyungwon can answer. Possibly because he doesn’t want to know the answer.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

“Did my cellmate ever attempt suicide?” Hyungwon asks on the way back to his cell.

Hyunwoo side eyes him, steps slowing down to match Hyungwon’s pondering pace. “Did Jooheon tell you about that?”

Hyungwon’s gaze snaps up to the guard, heart skipping a beat because that meant - “Wait, he really did?”

The guard sighs, eyes rolling up to the ceiling as he thinks. “Once,” he confirms for the younger. “It was a while ago. He tried hanging himself with his own bedsheets, but some guards found him in time. They rushed him to the infirmary where they managed to revive him. He spent a long time there afterwards. They had to ensure he was no longer suicidal before they placed him back into his cell.”

“But why?” Hyungwon whispers, dumbfounded. “Why would he try to kill himself?”

Shrugging, Hyunwoo looks at him rather pointedly and says, “I can’t imagine being a prisoner here is all that great, but we don’t have many suicides here. I don’t know. You know his story now. You probably have a better guess than I do.”

Hyungwon swallows thickly.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Honestly, Hyungwon isn’t sure what he should do or even feel when he returns to his cell. Part of his heart reaches out and sympathizes with his cellmate who he now thinks must be incarcerated under circumstances similar to his own. But another part of his heart still hates him for everything he’s done to Hyungwon so far. _Prison changed him_ , Jooheon’s words ring in his mind but what does that matter? Changkyun’s all ready wronged him a thousand times over.

Speaking of which, Changkyun lies down on his bed, back to Hyungwon as usual, but he doesn’t respond at all when Hyungwon enters. He doesn’t respond to anything, in fact. Hyungwon suspects that he’s probably sleeping. The elder shuffles forward to investigate. Placing his feet on his mattress, he grips Changkyun’s bedframe and hauls himself up to glimpse at Changkyun.

He leans over Changkyun to get a better look at the younger. His eyes are closed, and his breathing is even. He really is asleep.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Hyungwon startles at the question because he could have sworn Changkyun was sleeping. Then the younger cracks his eyes open and rolls over onto his back to look up at Hyungwon. His eyes are half-lidded, still heavy with sleep. When he reaches up to rub the tiredness from his eyes, it’s probably the softest he’s ever looked.

 _Prison changed him_ , Jooheon’s voice reminds him.

“I thought you were asleep,” Hyungwon admits.

“Well, I’m not.” The younger yawns. Then his eyes widen when he feels Hyungwon working open the buttons of his uniform and then he shoves his hand down his uniform. “Whoa!” He sits up abruptly, suddenly awake, and grips Hyungwon’s wrist to keep him from moving any lower. “What are you doing?”

“I want to ask you a question,” Hyungwon states as if it should have been obvious.

Changkyun pulls the other’s hand out of his uniform. “And this involves touching my dick because…?”

Hyungwon shrugs to show that he doesn’t know the answer to that either. “Your rules,” Hyungwon reminds the younger. “If I want something I have to either blow you or let you fuck me as I recall.”

“Well, I’m not in the mood right now. Sorry.” He shoves Hyungwon’s hand away from him and then redoes the buttons of his uniform.

Hyungwon decides to venture forth anyways. “Why do you hate Jooheon so much?”

Changkyun sighs at the question. “ _That’s_ what you wanted to ask?” he refutes, clearly thinking of it as a waste of time.

So, this time, Hyungwon clenches his jaw and decides that he’s going to go for it this time. “Fine,” he shrugs off the younger’s dismissal nonchalantly. “Why did you try to kill yourself then?”

The younger’s reaction is almost terrifying. He freezes completely, not moving an inch or twitching a muscle. What’s worse: Hyungwon can’t tell if he’s bubbling with anger, or frozen stiff from fear and discomfort.

“How do you know about that?” he asks lowly after a moment, eyes finally turning to Hyungwon. They’re not quite angry, but his gaze is hard and unreadable. “Did Jooheon tell you that?”

Hyungwon swallows thickly and wonders if he should lie about it or not. And even though it’s likely obvious that Jooheon told him something like that (especially considering his line of questioning earlier) he shrugs anyways and tries to keep the other inmate out of it. “I was talking to one of the guards. He mentioned it to me.” Changkyun’s lips pull back into a sneer, but Hyungwon isn’t having it today. “I know a lot more about you than you think,” he warns the younger.

“Oh?” Changkyun challenges him.

“I know why you’re here. I know what you’ve been charged with. I know why you hate Jooheon,” Hyungwon lists off, trying not to let his fear show when the younger clenches his hands into fists. “Oh, and I know you tried to kill yourself.”

“Jooheon told you all that,” Changkyun accuses, calling him out on his earlier lie. “He told you. No one else knows that.”

“Maybe.”

“Why? What does he want?”

Hyungwon opens his mouth then closes it. “No,” he answers. Changkyun raises a brow at him. “No, you don’t get to know.”

“Excuse me?”

“Not unless you change,” Hyungwon declares perhaps a bit too fearlessly. “Stop treating me like a toy. I’m done being your fuckboy. Treat me like a fucking human being and then we can talk.”

“ _You’re_ the one who started this!” Changkyun argues back.

“And now I’m finishing it! If I help you then you help me, right? And I can help you.”

The younger barks out a sardonic laugh. “Yeah, right,” he replies doubtfully. “That’s rather presumptuous of you, don’t you think?”

Hyungwon huffs, “Then I guess you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.”

For a moment, their eyes lock, Changkyun’s gaze is steady and observant and Hyungwon tries to match that intensity with his own. He’s learned by now that backing down won’t do him any good, especially towards Changkyun. It would simply give the other more of an excuse to stomp all over him. And then in the next second, Hyungwon yelps in panic because Changkyun’s got him by the front of his uniform, jumping off the bed and dragging him onto the floor.

He pins the elder there with his body, knees on either side of Hyungwon’s hips and hands wrapped threateningly around his throat. “You don’t think I won’t hurt you?” he growls, slamming Hyungwon’s head against the ground.

The elder groans and hardly recovers before Changkyun repeats the action. “Stop!” he cries in pain. “Stop! Stop!”

“Treat you like a human?” Changkyun mocks while completely ignoring his pleads. “Are you kidding? Look at you! In here, you aren’t anything more than a fucking toy. Why should I treat you any differently than one? Look at you,” he presses Hyungwon against the floor and holds him there easily to prove his point, “pathetic.”

“We’re the same,” Hyungwon argues weakly. He bucks his hips up, trying to knock the younger off of him, but Changkyun sits steadfast and steady on top of him. He doesn’t even seem to notice Hyungwon trying to buck him off, too focused on observing him.

“Same?” he snorts derisively after Hyungwon’s words finally sink into his brain. “How the fuck are we the same?”

“Because,” Hyungwon pants out, licking his dry lips, “you didn’t do anything did you? At least not anything to warrant the life sentence you have,” he amends. He does recall that Changkyun did, in fact, attempt robbery.

Then, suddenly, Changkyun releases his grip on the elder and stumbles back onto his feet. Hyungwon doesn’t move except to roll over onto his side, hands coming up to cup his throbbing head, groaning a little in pain. “Just because you know that doesn’t mean you know anything else about me,” Changkyun murmurs so quietly that Hyungwon isn’t sure if the younger is addressing him or simply talking to himself.

“That’s because you hardly ever talk about yourself. How the hell am I suppose to know anything about you?” Hyungwon retorts through gritted teeth.

“Why the hell would you ever need to know anything about me?” Changkyun shoots back. Hyungwon rolls onto his stomach, fingers gently massaging the back of his aching head. He could feel a headache coming. “Just leave me alone, and I’ll leave you alone, okay?”

Hyungwon doesn’t answer him because he’s too preoccupied by his headache. He groans when he’s suddenly lifted from the ground. When he’s dumped onto his bed a bit unceremoniously, he realizes that Changkyun must have picked him up from the ground, though he can’t fathom why. It’s not the sort of behavior he expects from the younger. He doesn’t dwell on it for long though, eyes sliding shut, hoping to sleep off the pain.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun says nothing to him the next day, refusing to acknowledge the elder for any reason. He refrains from making any derogatory remarks to Hyungwon - which is an improvement - nor anything else for that matter. He ignores anything Hyungwon says to him and seems to suffer indifferently to his presence. He also refuses to touch the elder in any way, which is not necessarily unusual, but Hyungwon suspects it has something to do with Changkyun’s words last night.

“I hate you,” Hyungwon tells the younger when they’re alone in their cell after lunch. Changkyun opted to return to the cell after eating, and Hyungwon chose to forego going to the library in favor of following the younger back to the cell.

Changkyun doesn’t even respond to him, gives absolutely no indication that he even heard as he takes his worn tennis ball from his bed. He looks back at Hyungwon once when he turns, then he proceeds to play wall ball by himself, never once addressing the elder’s statement either physically or verbally.

Hyungwon’s lips curl back into an annoyed sneer at Changkyun’s behavior. “Will you listen to me?” he demands.

“What makes you think I’m not? I’m not deaf or hard of hearing,” Changkyun retorts, bouncing the tennis ball against the wall. “I can, unfortunately, hear everything that comes out of your mouth, in fact.”

The elder’s lips twitch in annoyance because, really, Changkyun can be such a pain in the ass when he really puts his mind to it. Moving forward, Hyungwon reaches out with both hands and snatches the tennis ball as it bounces back towards Changkyun. The younger makes a noise of protest in the back of his throat as he moves forward to take the ball back.

Hyungwon hurriedly retreats away from Changkyun, childishly hiding the tennis ball behind his back. “Listen to me,” he says more pleading than demanding. “Listen to me, and I’ll return this to you. Deal?” Of course, there’s really nothing to stop Changkyun from simply retrieving his item by force - to which Hyungwon would be rather helpless - but the younger, surprisingly, stays put.

“Okay,” he agrees slowly. “So you hate me. So what?”

“I hate you,” Hyungwon repeats so that he can recall the words he planned to say to the younger. “I hate you for taking advantage of my weakness here and for treating me like shit. I hate you, and I have every right to hate you.”

Changkyun stares at him, face carefully blank, but Hyungwon swears that he can see an inkling of hurt in the younger’s eyes. This gives Hyungwon the drive to keep pressing forward. “So what?” Changkyun snaps at him angrily, defensively. “You followed me back here just to tell me how much you fucking hate me as if I didn’t already know that? Well, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t particularly care how you feel about me.”

“I hate you,” Hyungwon repeats anyways, “but I also feel so sorry for you.”

He doesn’t want his words to come out as patronizing, and he’s pretty sure he’s done a good job of sounding sincere, but Changkyun clearly thinks otherwise. The younger’s expression hardens and he only seems to withdraw further from Hyungwon.

“Well, stop wasting your time,” he advises Hyungwon coldly. “I don’t need your pity.”

“It’s not pity,” Hyungwon protests. “I am trying to find a reason not to hate you.”

“Why?” Changkyun asks impatiently. He crosses his arms and taps his foot impatiently. The elder has a feeling that he’s not going to suffer for this much longer. “For what reason and purpose would you want to do that?”

“I do have to live with you,” he points out to which Changkyun releases a long suffering sigh. “And Jooheon definitely paints you as someone completely different -”

“Who cares what Jooheon thinks?” Changkyun interrupts. “You’ve made your opinion infinitely clear.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

The younger tilts his head, looking at him oddly. “Um, yes? And anyways what would it matter what you think about me? You’ll be out of here soon enough living your fucking normal life. The last thing I need is to worry about your opinion of me.”

“So you don’t want to know what Jooheon has to say at all?” Hyungwon asks for clarification.

“Oh, my fucking god, no! How many times do we have to go over this?” Changkyun snaps, finally making a move towards Hyungwon. Apparently he’s had enough of this game now, fully intending to retrieve his ball by force if necessary.

However, unable to control his anger and frustration, especially at losing probably his one and only advantage over Changkyun, Hyungwon blurts out, “He wants to testify for you!”

Changkyun stops short at the statement, and Hyungwon almost feels sorry for him - for how that statement clearly takes him by surprise. The younger utterly freezes, staring at Hyungwon like he’s just seen a ghost. He pales considerably and barely appears to be breathing.

“You - you weren’t expecting this,” Hyungwon notes, stating the obvious.

Changkyun nods his head robotically, and his eyes stare just a little past Hyungwon while he breathes out a tiny, “no, I wasn’t.”

“But he’s your friend -”

“Did he tell you everything?” Changkyun cuts in, expression suddenly sharpening. HIs eyes refocus on Hyungwon now, narrowed. “Did he tell you how, during my trial, he sat in the witness seat and testified against me when I kept my mouth shut for his? Did he tell you he lied to the entire courtroom, dragging me into a murder I never committed? I knew I did wrong when I agreed to his stupid plan and then protected him by trying the hide the bodies and murder weapon, but I am a lifer because of him. Did you know that?”

Hyungwon swallows thickly, shrinking under Changkyun’s anger just a little more at every sentence uttered. Biting his lip hard, he hesitantly nods his head in answer when Changkyun pauses in his line of questions, waiting for a response. “Yes,” he answers verbally as well, “he did tell me.”

Changkyun holds his hand out to Hyungwon, a silent - and oddly polite - request for his tennis ball. Hanging his head, Hyungwon reluctantly hands the ball over, knowing that doing so signifies the end of the conversation, but also knowing that the younger will likely resort to force next if he resists. Bringing his hands out from behind his back, he places the tennis ball into Changkyun’s outstretched hand.

The younger takes a few steps back, tennis ball in hand, and says, “Then you should know why I wasn’t expecting this. In fact, I almost don’t even believe it.”

“He just wants to help,” Hyungwon protests. “You know you did something wrong, so why can’t he? He’s your friend, and he’s wronged you. Is it really so hard to believe he’s trying to fix the animosity between the two of you?”

“Yes,” he answers without any hesitation, eyes staring unblinkingly at Hyungwon. “And it doesn’t matter to me anyways if he wants to fix it or not. I gave up on our friendship years ago, and if you know what’s good for you, you’d steer clear of him too.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Hyungwon snaps at him. “I can talk to him if I want. I can spend time with him if I want. God knows he’s way more sufferable than you.”

“And when you do, I hope you remember that you’re hanging out with a kid who committed an armed robbery turned double homicide for the sake of some fucking drugs he was addicted to,” Changkyun retorts.

Hyungwon heart seizes a bit at those words, and whatever response he might have given dies in his throat. He has no idea what to say because Changkyun is right. Jooheon did do all those things, even confessed it all to him, but nonetheless he finds that he kind of likes the younger boy. Changkyun turns around to face the other wall, throwing the tennis ball to continue his game of wall ball while Hyungwon turns and leaves the cell and runs for the safety of the library.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun continues to act weird in the days following their last confrontation. He never so much as touches Hyungwon, almost going out of his way to avoid the elder really, yet he doesn’t complain when Hyungwon sticks close to him anyways in order to avoid anymore potential bullies. In fact, Hyungwon feels more like a shadow than anything, tailing Changkyun around but while feeling like he doesn’t exist.

On the other end of the spectrum, however, the younger becomes even more hostile and aggressive to Jooheon whenever the other comes just a bit too close for his liking. The first time Hyungwon nearly jumps out of his skin when Changkyun barks out a “back off” when Jooheon ventured towards them.

Apparently Jooheon can tell that Changkyun is more aggravated than usual too because he quickly turns tail and leaves without saying a word. They certainly don’t get along, and Hyungwon doesn’t expect for Changkyun’s hatred to diminish anytime soon, however, the younger usually humors his old friend, allowing him near enough to at least facilitate an argument. Now he apparently refuses to even stand his presence.

The same day Jooheon waits for him in the library, having sat there for almost two hours by himself when Hyungwon finally comes in, though he can’t say he’s surprised by the visit. He wrings his fingers together nervously and immediately pounces on Hyungwon when the elder arrives.

“Did something happen?” he asks, straight to the point. “He’s even more angry at me than normal.”

Hyungwon presses his lips into a thin line because at first he isn’t sure what to say. Though he knew that Jooheon would undoubtedly seek him out after that kind of behavior. When Hyungwon thinks he knows what to say, he opens his mouth to try again. “I tried talking to him like you asked,” he explains to the younger. “I passed on your message, but he didn’t really take it too well, I suppose. He kind of didn’t believe me at first. I still think he doesn’t believe me.”

Jooheon searches his expression for any kind of good news to follow, and his own expression starts to fall when he realizes that Hyungwon has no silver lining to offer him. “Tell me that there’s good news,” he begs anyways.

Hyungwon shakes his head and shrugs his shoulders awkwardly. He doesn’t have anything further to say to the younger. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes for lack of anything better to say. “I’m really sorry, but he seems resigned. He doesn’t care anymore. He seems to have accepted it, so maybe -”

“I heard you were looking to get a retrial granted,” Jooheon cuts in out of nowhere. Hyungwon’s mouth snaps shut; he’s startled by how Jooheon even knows about that. He hasn’t exactly discussed it with anyone other than Hoseok. “In fact, I heard you got it approved recently.” Hyungwon swallows thickly. How the hell? “Do you think you’re innocent?”

Hyungwon tenses at the question, back straightening out. “I _am_ innocent,” he snaps back. He doesn’t need to think about that question because “it was all just an accident,” he tells Jooheon. An unfortunate accident that will surely haunt him for the rest of his life, but an accident nevertheless.

“So you think that you should get a retrial when Changkyun shouldn’t? Even though he was wrongly accused, tried, and sentenced?”

“It’s different,” Hyungwon defends stiffly because, yes, maybe Changkyun should appeal or, hell, request a retrial considering a key witness utterly lied on the stand, but he doesn’t think Changkyun would even necessarily get out of prison. Changkyun still committed a crime even if the sentence is disproportionate to said crime. And anyways, the fact still remains that Changkyun is uninterested in reducing his sentence. He says as much to Jooheon.

“It’s for exactly that reason that I need to get him out,” Jooheon whines pathetically. “I can’t accept that he’s given up because he doesn’t deserve this. And because it’s my fault he’s even here.” He murmurs the last part quietly, mostly to himself.

Hyungwon casts his eyes to the floor as Changkyun’s words come back to mind. “I _hope you remember that you’re hanging out with a kid who committed an armed robbery turned double homicide for the sake of some fucking drugs he was addicted to_.” He winces at the reminder, but, when he looks at Jooheon again, he still finds it hard to turn the younger down because all he sees is a kid so full of remorse and trying desperately to right what wrongs he still can.

“Okay,” he whispers his agreement. “Okay, I’ll try again, but I’m telling you he won’t listen to me.”

“He’ll listen to you,” Jooheon insists, sounding almost desperate. And Hyungwon supposes that maybe that desperation almost makes him believe that Changkyun will listen too.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Somehow the fact that Changkyun now barely acknowledges him and, weirdly, the fact that he no longer touches him makes the younger much harder to approach. Hyungwon often finds himself chickening out of actually saying anything to him whenever he tries to talk to the younger as per Jooheon’s request. There is never anything for them to talk about for, it seems, they have nothing in common, and Hyungwon kind of really doesn’t want to be on the receiving end of Changkyun’s anger.

He’s seen that end more than enough times, thank you.

So he strategizes and plans and ultimately concludes that the best opportunity to breech the subject with Changkyun is late at night when the younger is tired and too lazy to cause Hyungwon any physically harm. He notices that on a few occasions he can rile the younger up without consequences if he’s too lazy to actually get up.

On the night he’s chosen to confront Changkyun he slips into bed around his usual bedtime, but lies awake, staring at the wall by his bedside as he listens to the sound of Changkyun throwing his tennis ball against the ceiling in a rhythmic pattern. He isn’t sure how Changkyun manages with the room flushed in darkness sans the little hall light that seeps in through the tiny window of their door.

Eventually the thumping ceases, and Hyungwon hears the younger settle down in bed for the night. He waits just a bit longer until Changkyun’s sure to be on the verge of sleep before he finally speaks up. “Changkyun,” he whispers into the darkness, wincing because in the quiet of the cell it sounded as if he just yelled. “Hey, are you still awake?”

Changkyun grumbles an unintelligible affirmative, shifting some more - probably rolling over - and then sighing. Hyungwon’s fingers curl into a fist and he actively works to suppress the urge to pump his fist in victory. Perfect. This is perfect.

“Can I ask you something?”

A long pause follows before Changkyun grunts.

Again. Victory.

Hyungwon momentarily hesitates. He wonders if he should try jumping straight to the point but decides against it. “Can I ask you something?” he starts by asking again but then continues before Changkyun can reply. “What did you want to be? When you grew up and all?”

Changkyun snorts at the question, and, well, at least Hyungwon now knows that despite how sleepy he might be, he’s still not pliable enough to discuss Jooheon’s proposition. He doesn’t say anything after that. The elder looks up at the bottom of the top bunk and scowls as if he were staring at Changkyun himself.

“I, personally, didn’t really know what I wanted to be. I still don’t, actually,” Hyungwon says conversationally. He’s learned by now that he usually only receives a positive response when he initiates any sort of discussion by talking about himself first. “I only picked my major because it was something I really liked, and I was good at it. So that’s a bonus, I guess.”

“I know,” Changkyun laughed, muffled. He must be talking into his pillow. “No one else would choose to be a Lit major.”

Hyungwon punches the bottom of the top bunk playfully. “So, what about you then? Did you have any future plans or were you just the typical teenager? Living day by day and all?”

More shuffling and a yawn answers him. Then Changkyun finally says, “Doctor.”

“Hmm?”

“Doctor. I wanted to be a doctor after college. You know, go to med school. Fun stuff. Didn’t really have any particular major in mind. I liked chemistry though. Like a lot.”

Hyungwon blinks, not really expecting that answer, but maybe he should not have been so surprised. “Doctor, huh?” he remarks to himself. “Why? Because the pay is so good? I mean, not to be offensive or anything. I just - Jooheon told me about your living situation and all.”

When Changkyun speaks next though he doesn’t sound offended at all. “Yeah, I was a poor fuck, and, sure, I guess the fat paycheck of a doctor seemed nice, but that’s not really why. My sister is diabetic,” he slurs through his drowsiness. “Type I. She was born that way. But because we were broke we never really had a doctor for her to go to, and we barely scraped by getting her insulin. We used to get aid for it, but then we suddenly got cut off and had to manage ourselves, so the doctor visits stopped. That’s why I wanted to be a doctor. So that she could have one again.”

Hyungwon feels as if he’s stopped breathing. His hands rest on his stomach, perfectly still and feeling oddly touched by Changkyun’s answer. He swallows hard. “You wanted to be a doctor so that you could be your sister’s personal physician?”

“Yeah, guess so.”

“Then,” Hyungwon jumps in, suddenly energized and enthusiastic, “isn’t that more of a reason for you to get out of here? To take Jooheon’s offer? I mean, it might just reduce your sentence, but you’d probably have a better shot at parole, and then -”

“No,” Changkyun cuts in, soft and tired, but Hyungwon shuts up nonetheless. At this point he almost wonders if it’s simply a programmed response. “No. It’s pointless now anyways. That’s why I said wanted. I’m not going to become a doctor.”

“Why?”

The younger doesn’t say anything to that, and Hyungwon actually fears that he won’t because no, no, no this is important. He can tell. “Please, just talk to me?” he requests, knowing full well that Changkyun is probably immune to all those antics.

The silence stretches on a moment longer before Changkyun sighs in defeat. “My sister’s disappointed with me. After I ended up here. She said she didn’t want to ever see me again.”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean it,” Hyungwon immediately responds, almost mechanical. Changkyun seems to notice it too.

“Yeah, well, that was her first and last visit, so I think she meant it.”

Hyungwon bites his lips, eyes trailing back to the wall by his bedside as his mind flew. He wonders to himself if this had something to do with him dropping his appeals case. Did he give up because of what his sister had said to him? Even worse, is that perhaps what drove him to a suicide attempt? He bites his lip, needing the physical reminder to stop him from blurting those insensitive questions out. And, despite all the resentment he rightfully holds against the younger, Hyungwon feels his heart go out to Changkyun heavy and drenched in sympathy.

“Why don’t you get out for yourself then?” Hyungwon prompts, anything must be better than here.

“You get a lot of visitors, don’t you?”

Confused, Hyungwon tilts his head and blinks up at the mattress above him. “Um, yeah, I guess. My parents visit me twice a month because that’s the max limit, and Hoseok, my lawyer, comes whenever he has an update for me.”

Changkyun breathes in and out deeply a few times before mumbling, “Let me tell you a secret then. After a few years in here, it doesn’t matter anymore. I could get out in a year but it wouldn’t make me any happier than I am now knowing that I’ll never leave. You just lose track of the time you spend here after awhile, especially when there’s no point in getting out.”

Hyungwon’s heart seizes at Changkyun’s words. How can he say things like that? “There is a point,” he argues, throat thick with sadness for his cellmate. “This is your freedom we’re talking about. That matters. And if nothing else it matters because you were punished unfairly. Do you not deserve due justice?”

Changkyun sighs, tired and wishing he could just roll over and sleep, but Hyungwon insists on lecturing him, making it near impossible to fall asleep. “Look,” he sighs again, flipping over and closing his eyes, desperately chasing after some quality sleep time. “I don’t expect you to understand because you still have your family, and friends, and life waiting for you when you get out. I don’t. Therefore I don’t have much motivation to leave. Do you get it yet?

 _No_ , Hyungwon wants to say but instead agrees with a soft, “Yeah. I get it.”

Changkyun hums contentedly, but whether it’s because Hyungwon finally admits to understanding him or because he stops talking long enough for the younger to fall asleep, Hyungwon can’t say. He, however, can’t fall asleep. All the new information he’s learned about his cellmate floods his mind and makes it hard to fall asleep.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

“I got a date set for the trial,” Hoseok tells him with barely contained excitement during their next meeting.

And Hyungwon is happy. Really, he is. But it must not show on his face because Hoseok’s smile drops and he sits back down in his seat. “You’re not happy,” he notes. “Why aren’t you happy about this?”

“I am,” Hyungwon protests, sitting up a little in his seat. “I am happy. This is great news.” But there is little enthusiasm in his voice, and Hoseok remains unconvinced. “So when is our next court date?”

Hoseok ignores him. “What’s wrong? Something’s bothering you.”

Hyungwon sighs, lifting his hands up to press against his cheeks, then pushing them further up to run through his hair. “I’m just worried,” he assures his friend.

“About what? The retrial? Don’t worry, Hyungwon. I’ve got you covered and this time I will get exactly the jury I want. Promise. We’ll get you out of here in no time at all.”

The younger shakes his head though. “No, it’s not that. It’s my cellmate.”

Hoseok blinks, clearly not expecting that. A loud noise behind him also causes Hyungwon to shoot a look over his shoulders, seeing as Hyunwoo catches himself on the door handle while staring at him with barely contained confusion. Apparently Hyunwoo wasn’t expecting that kind of answer too.

“What’s wrong with your cellmate?” Hoseok asks, then conspiratorially whispers, “Is he bullying you? Because if he is I will make his life hell, I swear it.”

Hyungwon hesitates for a moment because his friend isn’t technically _wrong_ , but Hyungwon doesn’t want to talk about it now. Probably never will want to talk about it. “No, he’s not. He’s just…” he trails off, unsure of what to say.

Hoseok’s brows furrow in concern. “What is it?” he prompts his friend. “What is it about you that’s bothering him?”

Placing his elbows on the table, Hyungwon threads his fingers together and leans forward. “He’s not innocent, Hoseok,” he tells his lawyer quietly. “He’s done criminal things - stupid things - to earn himself a spot here, but his trial was unfair like mine. He’s serving a life sentence for a murder he didn’t even commit.”

Sympathetically, his friend reaches out to place his hand on top of Hyungwon’s, running his thumb along the back of his hand comfortingly. He smiles wryly at the younger and shakes his head, resigned. “Sometimes people are put into prison unfairly,” he tells Hyungwon. “You’re a prime example of that, but you can’t torture yourself about what the other inmates are doing about their sentences. You just worry about your own.”

“But that’s exactly what bothers me about him. He’s not doing anything about his sentence,” Hyungwon complains. “He just accepts it. He seems just fine rotting here in jail to carry out of a life sentence he doesn’t deserve. I don’t get it. He’s not dangerous. He was just a stupid kid. How is he a danger to society?”

Hoseok squeezes his hand. “Sometimes people get screwed over by the legal system. Sometimes it’s on purpose, and other times the court truly believes that it has sentenced an innocent person correctly. Mistakes like these happen, but you can’t let it bother you so much. There are probably plenty of other inmates with similar stories. Are you going to let them all bother you?”

“Is it so wrong for it to bother me?”

“Of course not!” Hoseok pulls his hand away after giving the younger another reassuring pat on the back of his hand. “It’s not wrong. In fact, it’s good. But at the moment, you need to focus on your own problems. Your own case. And when that’s resolved, you can go back to worry about the others.”

Hyungwon presses his palms flat against the table before curling them loosely into fists. “Okay,” he agrees because Hoseok is probably right. No, he is right. Hyungwon doesn’t have the time to worry about Changkyun, and he probably shouldn’t even have the compassion to after everything the younger put him through. “You’re right. You’re right. So, when is the trial set for?”

“September,” Hyungwon answers. “Which means another four months awaiting the actual trial. I’m sorry. I tried to push for an earlier date, but the judge wouldn’t have it. He had other important cases to push through first, I guess.”

“No, it’s fine. That’s fine,” Hyungwon tells him. “Honestly, after what you told me before, I thought I would be waiting for far longer than four months, so I’m quite pleased.”

Hoseok smiles at him. “I’m glad,” he tells the younger. “You’ll be out of here soon enough.”

Hyungwon nods his head once in agreement. Right. Soon. But his mind has already wandered off again.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Hyunwoo side eyes him as he escorts the young inmate back to his cell. He asked earlier if Hyungwon would like to go to the library, but the younger, surprisingly, turned down the offer, opting to return to his cell again. Hyunwoo suspects he wants to return to his cell because Changkyun is likely there. Lately even Hyunwoo’s noticed how cooped up the younger prefers to be. He hardly ventures outside his cell in his free time anymore.

“Changkyun’s causing you concern?” he asks casually.

Hyungwon turns his head to look at the guard, brows furrowed in confusion. “Is it bad to be concerned?” he asks hesitantly.

The guard shakes his head immediately and denies it, “No, no. Of course it’s not bad to be concerned. I guess I’m just surprised that you have any sympathy for him. I know what he’s like, and I know what he does to you. What he’s done to you.”

For a moment Hyungwon is tempted to call him out on that. He knew. He _knew_ but he never said or did anything to help or protect him. He chooses to drop it, however, sure that even if Hyunwoo had done something it wouldn’t have done Hyungwon any good. None of the other guards care. “It is a bit weird,” he admits. “I don’t really like him. I don’t like him, in fact,” he resists to urge to add a yet because he worries that it will only make liking him inevitable, “but I can’t help but feel incredibly sorry for him.”

Hyunwoo pauses outside of Hyungwon’s cell to carry on their conversation. “He must have one hell of a sob story then,” he remarks lowly, so that Changkyun won’t hear them from inside the cell.

The inmate shrugs his shoulder, not sure that’s how he would describe Changkyun’s story. Unfair, sure, tragic, not so much. But maybe a little sad too. More than anything though his attitude towards his situation is what concerns Hyungwon the most.

But it turns out that Hyunwoo didn’t have to worry about whether or not Changkyun could hear them because when Hyungwon steps into the cell, he’s alone. Changkyun isn’t here. Furrowing his brows, Hyungwon immediately pivots around to the door, intending to march out of it, but stops himself at the last second. He probably doesn’t want to go out there without Changkyun anyways.

Biting his lip, Hyungwon backs up towards his bed, waiting until the back of his knees hit the bed frame of the bottom bunk before flopping down onto his bed. He scratches his head in confusion, wondering where Changkyun might have gone.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Hyungwon guesses that perhaps an hour has passed by the time someone finally comes to his cell. Unfortunately it’s not the cellmate he’s expecting but Jooheon. “Hey, Pretty, you in there?”

The elder looks up from the book he’s reading - the newest one he brought back from the library - to stare at his cell door in disbelief. Really? Pretty? Jooheon is going to call him _that?_ Tempted to not answer the younger for a moment just for that nickname, he quickly gives up with a sigh and walks over to the cell door after setting his book down on the bed.

“Yes,” he answers, opening it for Jooheon who looks instantly relieved that he answers. Hyungwon tries to look annoyed with him, but Jooheon doesn’t seem to notice or care. “Can I help you?”

“Changkyun’s in the infirmary,” Jooheon tells him, straight to the point as usual.

Hyungwon sniffs once, disinterested. “He’s hurt?”

The younger shrugs his shoulders, expression equally as clueless because he has no idea why Changkyun is in the infirmary. “I don’t know. He barely comes out of his cell lately except during meals and the mandatory fitness time, but he hasn’t been in any fights as far as I can tell. He should be fine.”

“Then maybe he’s sick?”

Jooheon frowns, unconvinced. “So, you don’t know anything?”

“No, I was meeting with my lawyer. He was here when I left and gone when I came back. Why are you so concerned that he’s in the infirmary? He’s probably just fine.”

The younger presses his lips into a thin line, shaking his head in disapproval. “I wouldn’t care if it weren’t for the fact that this is the second time this month. He hasn’t seemed sick to you, has he?”

Hyungwon feels his mouth fall open in voluntarily at that news, gaping unattractively at the younger boy. “No, he seemed perfectly healthy.”

Jooheon shifts his weight from foot to foot, crossing his arms over his chest and moaning and groaning in frustration. “I don’t like this,” he mumbles, aggravated. “Something is definitely up. This isn’t normal right? Tell me I’m not crazy.”

“No,” the elder agrees. “No, you’re right. This isn’t normal.” He bites his lip thoughtfully, wondering what could be going on for Changkyun to be called to the infirmary twice and how can they get to the bottom of this mystery. He hatches a plan.

 

**  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun, conveniently, is called to the infirmary again two days later while both he and Hyungwon are lounging around in the cell. The younger groans and glares at the guard who comes to collect him, but the man seems unphased by the inmate’s temper tantrum and Changkyun reluctantly abides him, rolling over so he can slide off the top bunk easily.

He throws a quick glance towards Hyungwon, looking for any kind of reaction or indication that he’s paying attention, but the elder diligently pretends to be absorbed in his latest book, acting as if he hasn’t heard anything. As Changkyun leaves, Hyungwon keeps up the act by sitting up abruptly. “Where are you going?” he asks.

Changkyun looks over his shoulder. “Nowhere,” is his annoyingly vague response.

Hyungwon frowns and tries not to roll his eyes. _Liar_ , he thinks, though it hardly matters. He knows exactly where Changkyun is headed. He waits a good minute or so after the younger leaves before he throws his book down on the bed and runs out of the cell in search of Jooheon. It’s not really a good idea to run around the prison by himself like this, but Hyungwon honestly doesn’t care if someone who wants to start a fight finds him first. The result would be the same; he just prefers if he can find Jooheon first.

Luckily he does, spotting Jooheon by the television, arguing over what channel to watch with a fellow inmate. “Jooheon,” he hisses for the younger, slowing to a stop behind him. Jooheon, however, doesn’t hear him over his own loud voice. Hyungwon grabs his shoulder and spins him around.

“What?” he snaps, raising a fist threateningly. He halts when he sees that it’s only Hyungwon.

“Punch me,” the elder requests, spreading his feet apart to give himself better balance. Then he waits for the hit.

Jooheon stares at him for a moment, tilting his head to the side, convinced he had heard wrong. “I’m sorry, did you just ask me to punch you?”

“Yes. Hurry,” Hyungwon urges. He even turns his head slightly, baring his cheek for Jooheon.

Jooheon still refuses to punch him. “What the fuck?” he asks instead.

Sighing, Hyungwon brings his feet back together, standing up to his full height. “Someone just came to take Changkyun to the infirmary again -”

“Already?”

“- and it’s not like I can just waltz in there. So punch me. And make it real enough to actually warrant sending me to the infirmary, yeah?” He continues on as if Jooheon hadn’t interrupted him in the first place. Jooheon says nothing while he processes Hyungwon’s arguments, concluding that he does have a fairly decent plan.

“Okay,” he agrees a bit reluctantly, holding his fist up. “Don’t hold this against me though.”

“I won’t,” Hyungwon assures, closing his eyes to brace himself for the hit. “Just try not to break anything.” The younger’s reassurances that he’ll try only serve to make him more nervous though. Cringing, he mentally coaches himself through it. He’s lived through two beatings already, he can handle this one. But, fuck, can Jooheon hit hard.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

The infirmary has little privacy for its patients due, mostly, to lack of sufficient funding. The average person doesn’t usually concern himself with the wellbeing and healthcare of prison inmates. As such, Hyungwon isn’t at all surprised that when he steps into the infirmary to have his injury - courtesy of Jooheon - checked out, that he can immediately hear the conversation happening between Changkyun and the only doctor in the prison with only drawn curtains to offer a sense of privacy.

“Have you been having any suicidal thoughts lately?”

Hyungwon almost freezes at the question. The nurse ignores the question out of respect and focuses on Hyungwon, gently touching his bruising cheek. “That looks nasty,” she comments quietly. He winces at the touch because it hurts, but his attention is entirely tuned into Changkyun.

His cellmate doesn’t answer that question. A small stretch of silence passes before Hyungwon hears the doctor say, “Ignore him.” It takes Hyungwon a moment to realize that the doctor was referring to him. “Answer the question please.”

The nurse pulls Hyungwon over to an unoccupied cot and runs off to get an icepack for him. “Bring down the swelling,” she says before walking over to the mini fridge.

On the other side of the partition Changkyun sighs loudly. “Do we seriously have to discuss this?”

The doctor shifts in his chair, releasing a loud, exaggerated sigh. “The last time you displayed signs of withdrawal and antisocial behavior, you nearly killed yourself. The guards noticed the same pattern of behavior - staying in your cell, withdrawing from the others, they say you’ve become aggressive towards Jooheon again -”

“I was always aggressive towards him,” Changkyun snaps impatiently. “There’s nothing new about that.”

“But you were friends once.”

“Yeah, sure, once, but that has nothing to do with this.”

Hyungwon looks up at the nurse when she returns to him, holding an ice pack out for him. “Thanks,” he says so quietly he looks more like he mouths it. He brings it up to his cheek, mindful to look as if he’s not eavesdropping on another patient’s conversation.

“I just don’t see the point,” Changkyun says, “I’m still alive, aren’t I? And I’m not going to kill myself, okay? I’m not going to.”

“It’s not just about whether or not you’re suicidal,” the doctor tells him gently and sympathetically. “If your depression has returned -”

“It hasn’t,” the younger hisses. The doctor sighs, exasperated, and Hyungwon turns away to hide his wince. Depression? He thinks to himself. Back? Changkyun had depression before? And now it’s coming back? No, more importantly, last time it nearly led to a successful suicide attempt. “I just have a lot on my mind lately.”

The doctor is silent for a moment, probably thinking about his words. Then he finally says, “What kind of things have been on your mind lately?”

“Just things,” Changkyun answers vaguely, clearly unwilling to cooperate.

Hyungwon thinks maybe he should go before this conversation ends and Changkyun realizes he’s been here the whole time listening in on him. He asks the nurse if he’s okay to leave with just this, and she nods her head in approval. Thanking her softly for her help, he leaves, ice pack still pressed to his cheek.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Perhaps, however, Hyungwon hadn’t quite thought his plan through thoroughly enough because Changkyun immediately stares at his swelling cheek suspiciously. Hyungwon averts his gaze to the floor, toeing the ground guiltily with the toe of his foot. “You got in a fight?” he asks the elder, brow raised.

Hyungwon looks up at him briefly before looking back down at the floor. “Yeah, kind of.”

“Did you go to the infirmary?”

He shakes his head. “No,” he denies, hoping Changkyun will believe him. “Why do you ask? Suddenly concerned with my welfare are you?”

“No,” Changkyun denied stiffly. “I was just wondering.”

Good, Hyungwon thinks with an internal sigh of relief, he doesn’t appear to suspect anything afoul. “I’m okay at any rate. I didn’t think it would be worth the time or effort to go the infirmary.” Changkyun says nothing to that, not even appearing to have heard as he walks over to the bed to climb into his own bunk, so Hyungwon keeps talking. “Where did you run off to?”

“Nowhere,” the younger responds, causing Hyungwon to scrunch his nose up in annoyance. _Liar_ , he wants to call out but wisely doesn’t.

“Are you okay?”

Changkyun pauses on his way up to his bunk bed to stare at Hyungwon, and the elder shrinks away from his gaze because his stare is intimidating. Like he can stare right through him. “Yeah,” he says slowly, gauging Hyungwon for a response. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Ah…” Hyungwon trails off, thinking of an excuse. “I don’t know. You just seem differently lately.”

“Different?”

The elder nods his head. “Yeah, like, you know you haven’t - we haven’t - you haven’t done….anything. To me. Lately,” he stutters out, flushing a bit in embarrassment.

Changkyun doesn’t seem to pleased or amused by his answer though. “Do you want me to?” he asks threateningly.

“No!” Hyungwon protests, curling up into a ball and rolling away from him. “No, no. It’s fine. I’d rather not. You know. It’s a nice change.”

“Then keep your mouth shut,” Changkyun snaps at him before pulling himself up onto his bed. “Christ, you always give me a headache,” he grumbles to himself. Hyungwon stares up at the mattress above him with a frown and wonders if the doctor is right to concern himself about Changkyun.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

“Depression?” Jooheon whispers, shocked, when Hyungwon tells him about the episode in the infirmary the next day in the library. Already the swelling in his cheek has gone down and, thankfully, no bruise is forming. “Wait, again?”

“I guess he was diagnosed before,” Hyungwon confirms solemnly. “That’s definitely what it sounded like to me. And it must have been around the time that he tried to kill himself.” Jooheon looks at him sharply as if Hyungwon had just spoken something taboo, and the elder admits that it does feel awkward to talk about someone’s suicide like this. All gossipy and shit. He feels like a shitty high schooler all over again.

“I didn’t know he was diagnosed,” Jooheon admits. “I mean, I know he was depressed. I mean, someone must be right to be...driven to that point…” He lingers on those words for a moment before quickly moving on. “I just - I thought it was just that fleeting kind of sadness because he wasn’t getting anywhere with his appeal.”

Hyungwon opens his mouth then hesitates to speak his thoughts. The younger easily catches him though. “What?” he asks. “What is it?”

His hesitation is only because Jooheon’s never mentioned this, and so he wonders if he even knows. “It’s just...Changkyun mentioned a sister to me once.”

“Yeah, he has one. Two years older. What does this have to do with anything though?”

“He just - he said that she visited him once after he was incarcerated. Only once. And I guess they didn’t part on good terms or something…” he trails off quietly and lamely because Jooheon inhales sharply and his eyes widen. Yes, Hyungwon thinks, Jooheon definitely did not know about this.

“When did this happen?”

“I don’t know,” Hyungwon hurriedly clarifies. “He never mentioned, and I couldn’t get it out of him. But, I mean, he was clearly upset by it. I could tell and so I just assumed, I guess, that it might have played a part.”

“It did,” Jooheon says confidently. “It must have. Oh, my God, that must have been why he gave up the appeals in the first place. I thought it was because it wasn’t going anywhere, but that would explain a lot. His sister meant a lot to him. I mean, she still means a lot to him. Probably.”

Hyungwon nods his head in agreement. Yes, he got that feeling too. “I think she’s why he won’t listen to me. She’s why he’s pretty much content to stay here. He told me it didn’t matter if he got out of prison or not because he doesn’t think he has anything, I guess, worth it outside of here.”

“Shit,” Jooheon curses. “ _Shit!_ ” Hyungwon grimaces, less at the language and more at the tone. It sounded as if Jooheon had just realized the futility of his own plans. “Damnit! Oh, my God. I didn’t know,” Jooheon groans to himself, cradling his head in his hands. “Fuck. This whole time I didn’t know. He never told me about this.”

Hyungwon plays with the buttons of his jumper anxiously. He hates to say it, but he thinks it has to be said. “I think that unless you have a way of contacting her to reverse whatever damage is between them, Changkyun won’t budge on that issue. I’m sorry, Jooheon. I think he’s stuck here.”

Jooheon doesn’t appear to have heard him though, still cursing profanely into his hands. Awkwardly, the elder reaches out and pats his head once. He hopes it’s at least somewhat of a comfort for the younger.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun is still in bed when Hyungwon returns, just the way he was when the elder left. The only difference now is that he’s lying on his other side, facing the door and, by extension, Hyungwon, but his eyes are shut in sleep, his thin blanket drawn up around his shoulders.

Hyungwon stops for a moment to observe the younger safely without garnering any sort of negative reaction from him He thinks he finally sees the friend that Jooheon so affectionately described for him once, but he frowns at the thought: not necessarily because it’s disconcerting, but because Changkyun’s depression ruins that realization. Hyungwon acknowledges it; he thinks the doctor is right because this isn’t normal behavior for Changkyun, let alone anyone.

On a whim, Hyungwon climbs up to the top bunk before he can think through his own idea which may or may not be a good thing because if he had stopped to think about it, he definitely would have decided against this. But he didn’t stop to think about it, and now Changkyun stirs in his sleep as Hyungwon climbs up to the top bunk, and he’s awake by the time the elder dumps himself into the bed.

“What the fuck?” the younger groans in protest, voice rough from sleep. He squints in the light of the cell while lifting his head just a bit off the pillow to scan his surroundings. It’s not difficult to spot Hyungwon though in all his six feet of glory. “What the hell are you doing?” he asks, voice increasing in volume from alarm.

“I -” Hyungwon stammers, stumbling over his excuse. “I don’t know. I just thought, maybe, you needed a hug?”

Changkyun rolls onto his back so he can lift himself up on his elbows. He stares at Hyungwon with narrowed eyes, but the elder can’t tell if it’s because he’s mad or still tired and ill adjusted to the bright light of the cell. “You thought I needed a hug?” he repeats in disbelief. Biting his lip, Hyungwon tentatively nods his head. “Why?” Changkyun deadpans. “And why do you need to be in my bed to do that?”

“Because you seem down lately. And because you won’t get out of bed,” Hyungwon answers.

“Well, a hug won’t fix anything, so get out of my bed. I’m tired.”

“But it might help,” Hyungwon argues. “Having a companion can greatly reduce stress and anxiety and increases good feelings -”

“I’m tired, Hyungwon!” Changkyun reminds him impatiently, throwing himself down onto the bed.

“You’ve been sleeping all day though!”

“So? I want to sleep more. Now get off the bed.”

Hyungwon crosses his arms, lips pulling back into a sneer directed at the younger. It’s stupid, and probably reckless, but he’s at least reasonably confident that Changkyun won’t kill him for it. He throws his arms around the younger’s blanket mummified body and lies down behind him. “The hell? Get off! These tiny ass beds are _not_ made for two people!”

“That never stopped you from sleeping with me on my bed,” Hyungwon points out.   
“There’s a difference between having sex on these beds - as in, one person on top of the other - and actually sleeping on them.” He tries to fight his way out of the blanket he’s tangled himself up in with little success. “Would you just let up? You don’t have to pretend to care about me just because Jooheon asks you to. I’m a big boy, and I feel like I’ve already told you that I don’t really care.”

Hyungwon holds onto Changkyun tight in spite of all the wriggling and struggling the younger puts up. Those words cause him to frown though, and he asks, “What makes you think I don’t like you?” He thinks he has been exceptionally kind and tolerant towards Changkyun, thank you.

Finally, the younger stops struggling, going limp in Hyungwon’s arms. He inhales a heavy, audible breath and then releases it as a sigh. “Like, everything?” is his answer. “I mean, the better question is why would you like me?”

“I have been very nice to you,” Hyungwon protests.

But Changkyun only rolls his eyes and tries to shrug him off. “Trust me, by now I can tell the difference between kindness and diplomacy. Jooheon is kindness - misguided indeed, but still kindness - you are diplomacy. You’re not a very confrontational person, are you?”

The elder feels his heart stop for a moment, body feeling cold from the shock of his words. The younger speaks as if he read Hyungwon’s mind. The feeling is highly disconcerting. “I - no,” he confesses rather easily. “I don’t really like fighting. I’d rather avoid it if possible.”

“I gathered.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t like you though,” Hyungwon amends quickly. “I admit I don’t always speak my mind to you in order to avoid any fights, but that doesn’t meant I don’t care about you or dislike you.” Hyungwon furrows his brows in thought, wondering if he’s telling the truth or not right now. “The more I learn about you the less I dislike you at the very least, right?”

Changkyun snorts at that, and Hyungwon dares say that perhaps the younger just laughed at him. “Does my bleeding heart captivate you or something?”

“Yeah, I guess something like that,” he shrugs his shoulders.

“Yeah, well, I guess I’ll be having a talk with Jooheon in that case. He needs to learn to keep his mouth shut.”

“No, don’t!” Hyungwon protests.

A beat of silence passes between them before Changkyun asks, “What? You like talking about me?”

Hyungwon flushes a bit in embarrassment. Well, when Changkyun phrases it like _that_. “No. We don’t, like, like gossiping about you or anything. It’s just he’s the only one who knows even a little bit about you, so…”

“I see. Your information broker then?”

“Yes.” The elder nods his head in agreement. That’s a pretty accurate description.

“Okay, then I suppose the better question is why would you want to know anything about me?”

“I don’t know. Because we’re kind of similar I guess?”

Changkyun scoffs those words. “Similar? This again, really?” he mocks with a slight shake of his head. “Sorry to break it to you but we’re not similar at all. In no way. I think definitely not.”

“I meant our situations,” Hyungwon points out. “I just want to know more about you. Is that so wrong?”

The younger sighs in exasperation, giving up on this argument in favor of burying further beneath his cold, scratchy blanket. “Whatever,” he dismisses, eyes sliding shut. He turns his head to dig his nose into the pillow and hums in satisfaction. “I’m going back to sleep.”

Hyungwon hums his consent, apparently okay with the decision until Changkyun yawns. He sits up a little in the bed. “Wait, you’re really going back to sleep?” he asks the younger, trying to lean over his body to get a good look at his face.

Changkyun’s face scrunches up in confusion. “Um, did I not just say that?”

“Yeah, but I just thought it was code for like ‘shut up, I don’t want to talk anymore,’” Hyungwon translates.

“It means that too, yes.”

“But you’ve slept too much today already.” Hyungwon shakes him while whining.

“Fuck off. I’m already letting you stay in my bed unscathed.”

“You can’t sleep anymore though. You’ve already slept like a year’s worth amount of time. I know! Why don’t we keep talking to keep you up,” Hyungwon suggests as if it has no self serving purpose. Changkyun doesn’t seem amused by him though.

“Talk about what?” he grunts in frustration. “What else is there to talk about? You know pretty much my entire life’s history already.”

Hyungwon sits up on the bed, cradling his chin with his thumb and forefinger thoughtfully. He hums to himself, eyes cast up to the ceiling as he thinks about a topic they haven’t touched upon yet. “Oh!” he exclaims when he’s struck with a sudden stroke of inspiration. “What about what your favorite candy was when you were a kid?”

Changkyun actually sits up and twists his mummified form around to stare at the elder with express disbelief. “You’re kidding,” he deadpans, falling back to the mattress as Hyungwon’s lips pull down into a frown. “That’s a stupid question and I don’t know anyways. I didn’t have one.”

“What? Don’t have much of a sweet tooth?”

“No,” Changkyun sighs. “Didn’t have any money to spend on worthless candy.”

“Oh.” Hyungwon feels very guilt ridden all of a sudden. “Sorry. That was insensitive. I -”

“Don’t,” Changkyun cuts him off. “It doesn’t matter. And I’m not offended. So just don’t.”

Silence passes between them again. Then, “Can I ask you a serious question instead then?” Hyungwon asks tentatively.

“Why not? Shoot.”

Hyungwon bites his lips nervously. “I have a date set now for my retrial,” he tells the younger. Changkyun grunts in acknowledgement but otherwise does not give any other indication that he’s listening. “My lawyer seems pretty confident that I’ll be getting out soon.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were bragging right now,” Changkyun teases humorlessly. “So what’s your question then?”

Hyungwon presses his lips into a thin line, mentally going over all of Changkyun’s possible reactions to his question: none of them good. “Would that be a reason for you to get out of here? If I were waiting for you on the other side?”

Changkyun’s utter lack of response puts Hyungwon entirely on edge, and he backs away slightly as the younger rolls over to stare at him. “You ask me that as if we’re actually friends or something,” he points out. Hyungwon swallows thickly at those words because the other’s implication is clear. They are not friends, but Hyungwon thinks that they do have a special relationship with each other, a weird almost love-hate that probably borders more on the respect-hate spectrum.

“W-well, maybe not friends,” the elder concedes, “but, I mean, we have a special relationship with each other, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, sure, if by special you mean I fuck you into the mattress from time to time just because I can,” Changkyun snorts derisively.

“What does that mean? You didn’t actually like having sex with me?” he sniffs in offense.

Changkyun releases an exasperated breath while his eyes slide shut. “Stop pretending to be disappointed by this. It’s not as if you like it anyways. It’s just power play here. Yeah, it feels fucking good, but sex is sex. And sex always feels good.”

Hyungwon feels his temper flare in spite of himself. He shouldn’t feel angry over this because Changkyun’s right. He hadn’t liked it. He always felt violated and used during those times, and he tells himself that’s what he’s feeling right now, but he also knows he is just kind of pissed that Changkyun apparently didn’t like it either. “That’s not fair! You know - you know that I like…”

“Boys? Dicks?” Changkyun finishes for him after the elder trails off shyly. “Why? Are you saying you liked it or something?”

Hyungwon’s face turns red from embarrassment. “No! It’s just - it’s indecent to do all those things without liking it even a little bit. I mean, I already felt used enough, but this is just too much.”

“It wasn’t bad,” Changkyun tells him with a small laugh. “I mean, maybe if the circumstances were different…” then he trails off, causing Hyungwon’s heart to skip a beat. Is he really reading between the lines of that statement? And is he actually pleased by what it sounds like the other is saying?

“What does that mean? Are you gay too?” He tries to diffuse the sudden tension with a joke. The problem is his joke is more a serious question than a joke.

“No. I don’t know. I’m not anything,” Changkyun says all in one breath, eyes remaining closed the entire time. He really does seem sleepy. “In here I’m not anything. It doesn’t matter.”

Hyungwon softens at those words, mind already reeling back to the conversation he had overheard with the doctor about a possible diagnosis with depression. He wonders if the doctor diagnosed him or not yet. “Changkyun,” he calls out for the younger, encouraging words on the tip of his tongue. Then he notices the steady, even breaths from the younger, and oh, he must have fallen asleep.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

When Changkyun wakes up again it is to the sensation of fingers combing through his hair, but, even in his sleep addled mind, he knows instantly that it can be only one person. Refusing the open his eyes, he huffs out a short puff of air then asks, “Why are you combing my hair?” The fingers stop their movement. Changkyun can almost picture the face of fear Hyungwon probably harbors at this very moment.

“Um, I - no reason,” he finally answers nonchalantly. He hesitantly pulls his hand away from Changkyun’s head which is only a mild disappointment because he does actually enjoy the feeling. Changkyun can’t recall the last time anyone had massaged him or given him a back rub or spoiled him with affectionate touches.

His mother used to call him her “Baby” because he was the youngest in the family, even among all his cousins. She used to offer him a back massage whenever he crawled into bed with his parents, and she would stroke his hair sometimes when he found it particularly difficult to fall asleep. It had been awhile since he had felt those touches though, and he hadn’t realized just how much he had missed them.

He doesn’t protest when Hyungwon pulls his hand away. He’s too prideful for that.

“What time is it?” he asks groggily. Even beneath his eyelids he can tell that it is dark inside of the cell. Red doesn’t burn behind his shut eyes, but instead a calm black remains. That means the light must be off in the cell which means it must be night outside. Time to sleep.

“I don’t know. Sometime past midnight I think?”

“It’s past midnight and you’re not asleep yet?” Hyungwon wonders if he’s imagining the little undertones of concern in the younger’s voice.

“I’m not all that tired,” he lies. He has dozed off for a couple hours already, but sitting up against the wall doesn’t facilitate the best sleep.

Changkyun clears his throat so he doesn’t sound as sleepy and tired for his next question. “Alright. Then why were you stroking my hair?”

His fingers curl up into a fist and he tenses. Clearly he hoped that Changkyun would be too dazed from waking up after hours of sleep to notice. Changkyun smiles in amusement at the thought. Some things just never change. “Um, I don’t know. I just like it when my mom does it, so I thought...What? Did you not like it? Are - are you mad?”

“No, I liked it,” Changkyun reassures him before he can think about his words. Fuck.

Apparently pleased by the response, however, Hyungwon places his hand on top of the younger’s head, fingers digging into his scalp in a soothing manner. Changkyun shudders involuntarily in delight and presses his head harder into Hyungwon’s lap. _Goodbye dignity_ , he sighs to himself, but right now he’s content to indulge himself. “I thought you hated me,” he mumbles to Hyungwon, half-asleep again already.

The hand in his hair momentarily freezes, possibly in surprise, before hesitantly resuming its previous movements. “I don’t hate you,” Hyungwon murmurs, mentally adding an “at least not anymore” for his own benefit. “I guess you’re not like my favorite person or anything, but I- I like you enough.” _Or I’m starting to_ , he thinks to himself.

He wonders if that’s okay. He wonders if it’s weird that he thinks to himself that if they were in college and not this hell hole, he might have tried to pursue Changkyun as a romantic interest. He is pretty much Hyungwon’s type minus all the asshole behavior, and now, knowing Changkyun’s story, he can practically feel his heart opening up to the younger boy against the odds. He wonders if that’s normal. However, Hyungwon still needs to confirm one thing.

“Do you feel bad at all?” he asks the younger, perhaps a little too judgmental.

Changkyun grumbles something unintelligible into Hyungwon’s thigh at first to which the elder responds with a “huh?” So the younger shifts his head and tries again. “Of course I do. I'm in prison. I feel bad about everything I’ve done.” He sounds resigned, and Hyungwon’s chest feels all twisted by his mistake. He hadn’t meant it like that.

“I meant about what you’ve done to me,” he clarifies quietly feeling very much as if he were adding salt to a very open, very fresh wound.

“Yeah, I feel bad about that too. Mostly because you’re a giant pussy,” Hyungwon bristles at those words, his opinion of Changkyun quickly plummeting again, “but also because it shouldn’t have happened to you. Because you shouldn’t be here. So I guess I’m sorry. And I feel sorry for you. I hope you win that retrial of yours. Prison would fuck you up.”

Now Hyungwon relaxes, finding Changkyun to be surprisingly soft when he’s half asleep. “I hope you change your mind,” he offers back to the younger, but he suspects Changkyun has already fallen asleep again.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

“I was actually in the infirmary after Jooheon punched me in the face,” Hyungwon confesses to his cellmate over breakfast the next day. He sets his silverware aside and scrunches his eyes shut in preparation for Changkyun’s no doubt explosive reaction, but the younger’s response is completely unexpected.

“Wait, _Jooheon_ punched you?”

Hyungwon opens one eye when he realizes that Changkyun has not reached over to punch him, or started cussing him out profusely, or even just glaring at him. He eyes the younger oddly for a moment before tentatively nodding his head. “Um, yeah. I mean, I asked him to but -”

“You _asked_ Jooheon to _punch_ you?”

“I - you’re reacting to this very differently than what I expected. I thought you would be pissed that I was eavesdropping on you.”

“Oh, I am pissed,” Changkyun reassures him, taking a bite out of his dry biscuit. “I just can’t believe you asked Jooheon to punch you just to get in. Why did you want to know anyways? Is everyone’s medical health your business now?”

“N-no. I know I violated your privacy and all, I just, we were concerned,” Hyungwon defends meekly, feeling so much like a villain right now. It was a shoe that decidedly did not fit him. “You were going so often, and Jooheon just worried about you, and -”

“And now you know about my depression,” Changkyun finishes for him deadpan. “Great.”

Hyungwon doesn’t know how to respond to that other than to just apologize. “I’m sorry. We just wanted to help.”

“How the hell were you planning to accomplish that? Have you ever been depressed before? I suppose it’s rather rather common for young gay kids.”

Hyungwon shakes his head, cringing at his answer. “No, I didn’t. My parents were very supportive. I was bullied at school some, but my friend group was strong and supportive so…” Changkyun stares at him, his gaze piercing. It’s the same look that always makes Hyungwon feel that the younger is just staring right through him, and he unconsciously curls inward on himself. “Did they diagnose you?”

Seeing no point in hiding the information since Hyungwon already knows more than Changkyun ever anticipated, he shrugs and indulges the elder. “Preemptively, I guess. He said ‘just to be safe’ he’s putting me back on the meds I was on before.”

“Is it helping?”

“It’s not doing jack shit.”

Hyungwon bites his lip in concern. “But you’re not...I mean, you wouldn’t, like,” he struggles for his words, not sure how to ask without being super offensive, “...hurt yourself, right?”

But Changkyun only rolls his eyes, apparently more exasperated than angry. “That last and only time I tried to kill myself, I hit rock bottom. I was in prison on a life sentence I didn’t deserve, my appeal wasn’t going anywhere, and my sister had more or less told me to fuck off because she would be glad to just leave me behind like a bad memory.” He takes a moment to catch his breath while Hyungwon processes those words that cause his stomach to twist up in knots. “I find it hard to believe I’ll hit a low point like that again.”

“O-oh. I see.” What does one even say to that? Hyungwon’s lowest point was probably either when he saw that kid trip over his own feet and fall from the roof or when he landed himself in here for that accident. Only one of those Changkyun can relate to though, only his own experience is the same magnified to the nth degree. “Well, I guess that’s good then. I mean, what happened to you isn’t good! I meant, like, it’s good that you don’t want to, you know, hurt yourself again.” Hyungwon cringes at the end of his own explanation. Eloquent he is not, especially when it comes to speaking.

Changkyun shakes his head pitifully. “Right,” he agrees a bit sarcastically, eyebrows raised in doubt.

“Jooheon just worries about you,” Hyungwon tells him softly.

“Well, he doesn’t need to,” Changkyun sighs. He has repeated this one too many times in all honesty. “I’m fine. And I don’t particularly want his sympathy either.”

Hyungwon frowns at the rejection because he doesn’t think that Jooheon deserves it. Certainly he understands his cell mate’s anger and resentment towards his former friend, but he rather feels that Jooheon is truly sincere in his effort to redeem himself and help Changkyun. The younger could at least recognize that and try to appreciate it, and, hopefully, in the process, he might learn to forgive his friend.

“He’s just trying to help,” Hyungwon defends, “can’t you just forgive him?”

Changkyun looks at him sharply. “If you were in my position do you think it would be so easy to forgive him?”

“No,” Hyungwon agrees without hesitation. “No, I don’t think it would be easy, but I also think I could forgive him. Especially under these circumstances.”

“Well, unfortunately I am not kind enough to see the situation like that. The fact that I’m stuck here because of him only makes it harder to forgive him.”

“I think that you are kind enough,” Hyungwon declares confidently, visibly startling Changkyun who pauses in the middle of drinking his water. “I think that you just won’t because it matches the kind of persona and attitude you’ve built for yourself in here. It matches that made up character you hide behind.”

Changkyun sets his cup of water down on his tray with a little more force than was probably necessary. “Character,” he sneers at the thought. “That isn’t some kind of character or mask. That is 100% me.” Then he picks up his tray as he slides out of his seat.

Hyungwon watches him stand up from his seat in alarm. “Where are you going?”

“To see the doctor,” Changkyun answers truthfully, but quietly enough that only his cell mate can hear. “They can’t just give me a bottle of my pills, of course. Too much of a risk to abuse them because my ‘character’ is a crazy drug user.”

Hyungwon winces, sure that Changkyun is mocking him. “Oh, okay then,” he remarks meekly.

“Also I would suggest you go hang out somewhere safe. I’ve seen at least one guy eyeing you rather aggressively,” he warns before leaving. Hyungwon’s head immediately spins left and right, eyeing all the prisoners for anyone who might be looking to start a fight, but everyone seems to be minding his own business.

Hyungwon wonders if perhaps Changkyun lied to scare him, but decides not to take any chances. Gathering up his half finished breakfast, he dumps it off with the cafeteria staff before high tailing it back to the safety of his cell.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Today is a weird day. For Hyungwon this is an especially loaded statement because all his days seem to be getting more bizarre the closer the date of his retrial looms. But today is especially weird because Changkyun is curled up in his blankets on the top bunk with his nose buried in one of Hyungwon’s books while the elder stands around the cell, bouncing Changkyun’s tennis ball against the wall rhythmically.

“So I was wondering,” Hyungwon starts, throwing the ball against the wall again. It hits the surface with a dull thud and bounces back towards him. He misses it miserably, but Changkyun hums to encourage him to continue. “What caused it to resurface?”

He doesn’t get any more explicit than that. It. He doesn’t have to be any more detailed because Changkyun automatically knows what he means. The depression.

Changkyun doesn’t say anything at first. Hyungwon almost thinks that the younger hadn’t heard him, too immersed in Jane Austen. But when he goes to ask again, a bit louder this time, Changkyun cuts him off. “Not to point fingers or anything, but probably you,” is his answer.

Hyungwon startles at the answer, taking a step back in surprise. “Wait, what?”

“I’m sure it wasn’t your intention or anything.” Changkyun rolls onto his back, holding the book up high above his high above his head to continue reading as if Hyungwon had never interrupted him. “So don’t take it personally or anything. It’s just you wouldn’t stop pestering me, and you never gave up even when I told you to. You drudged up memories of my failed appeals and my sister. It’s all just -” Changkyun cut himself off with a sigh. “Whatever. I’m not _actually_ depressed anyways.”

Hyungwon turns to retrieve the ball that since came to a stop near the far corner of the cell. Bending down to pick it up, he shuffles back over to the younger and holds it out as an offering. “You want to play together?” he asks because he doesn’t know what to say to Changkyun’s accusation, but he certainly does not want to talk about it.

Pulling the book down to cover half his face, the younger eyes the ball contemplatively for a moment. They have never played together before. To Hyungwon’s surprise though, he closes the book with a shrug of his shoulders. “Okay, but prepared to be annihilated.” Then he snatches the ball from Hyungwon.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Changkyun is _mean_. He’s mean and way too competitive over a game of wallball in Hyungwon’s opinion. He throws the ball way too hard, and, admittedly Hyungwon is not so good in the whole hand-eye coordination thing, so catching the damn thing is near impossible though he is quite good at not getting hit by it. That is until Changkyun does something quite unexpected.

“Can I ask you something?”

Startled, Hyungwon’s eyes immediately turn to Changkyun. Meaning that they’re no longer on the ball. Meaning that he lets out a surprised yelp when a ball seemingly smacks him out of nowhere. Rubbing his head, he says, “Of course.”

Changkyun immediately plops down onto the floor, apparently losing interest in their game. “You said the other day that if you were in my shoes you would be especially more willing to forgive Jooheon. Why?”

Hyungwon cautiously lowers himself onto the floor so he’s sitting with his legs tucked underneath him beside the younger boy. He thinks carefully over his answer, how he wants to present and bring it forward for Changkyun to understand. “Because...because in normal everyday life, I could end our friendship and it would not particularly matter because there would always be other people to turn to, but here you’re not surrounded by other friends and family to protect you. You have to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right?

“Plus there’s the fact that, you can restart efforts to get you out of your sentence, but Jooheon can’t. You’re both life sentence prisoners, but no matter what Jooheon does he’ll be stuck here for awhile. Possibly forever if his parole doesn’t fall through. I think I would do it to comfort him.”

Changkyun stares thoughtfully at the ground, digesting these opinions. “I see,” he murmurs initially, eyes narrowed in thought.

“Are you going to forgive him?” the elder asks hopefully.

“No.” Changkyun looks away, and if Hyungwon isn’t mistaken, the younger almost looks ashamed. “I don’t have it in me. I just don’t. There is no forgiveness in me to give.”

“Everyone has forgiveness. Maybe yours is just buried somewhere you don’t want to dig.”

“Or maybe it just doesn’t exist,” Changkyun suggests.

Hyungwon presses his lips together while cursing the younger one silently in his head. God damn, could Changkyun be stubborn when he wanted. “Well, in the end it’s up to you to decide what you’re capable of. I’ve already given you my opinion and advice. Do with it what you will.”

**  
  
  
  
  
**

It’s an even weirder night when Hyungwon wakes up to the faint sounds of sobbing. Rolling onto his back, he cracks his eyes open, ears straining for the sounds of sniffles above the sound of his bed springs creaking and squeaking with protest. When all other sounds in the cell abate, all he’s left with is very quiet sobbing noises. At first he blinks, utterly reactionless and convinced the noises are a result of being sleep deprived.

However, he quickly pinpoints the noise as originating from above him. Which is where Changkyun sleeps, and where he must be sleeping right now. Or, to paraphrase, what the hell?

“Hey,” he calls out softly, only to receive a loud sniffle in response. “Hey.” He raises his voice this time, and the sound of crying utterly stops for a moment. Hyungwon imagines Changkyun holding his breath and probably half wondering if he is only hearing things.

Hyungwon’s brows furrow, still too sleepy to continue planning for what to say next. Because of this, the crying starts up again a moment later with a shuddering breath. Changkyun probably held his breath to quiet those sobs.

Sighing, the elder presses the heel of his hands into his eyes before moving one of them up to press against his forehead. Okay, he mouths to himself before rolling off the bed. The springs creak again unpleasantly, and the sniffles immediately die down with it. Hyungwon hardly pays attention though.

“Changkyun,” he calls, still sounding sleepy. His eyes are half lidded, but he feels arguably half awake in the same way drunk people insist that they’re sober. “Changkyun, are you okay?”

The younger doesn’t say anything, but he hears some rustling and when he finally forces both of his eyes open, he sees Changkyun has draped the blanket over his head. Hyungwon frowns and reaches out to pat the lump beneath the blanket. “Are you _crying?_ ” he asks. He doesn’t mean to sound mocking, merely surprised, but the way the younger continues to hunch into himself, clearly telling Hyungwon to fuck off with his body language, indicates that he’s done a pretty poor job at it.

“Why are you crying?” he asks despite not receiving an answer to his first question. Then it hits him a bit late. “Oh. Is this...are you having like an episode?” He doesn’t think depressed people really have episodes, but Hyungwon doesn’t know what else to call it.

“Changkyun,” he calls for the youngest again while pulling himself on to the bed. Changkyun responds to the action by rolling away from him, pressing his body up against the wall. “Go away!” he muffles from underneath the blanket. “Go back to sleep. I’m _fine_.”

“You’re crying. I heard you.” Hyungwon reaches out and grips the edge of the blanket to pull if off, but Changkyun keeps a stubborn grip on the cloth, refusing to let go of his only shield. In the end, the elder manages to pull the blanket down far enough to reveal Changkyun’s face.

However, it’s hard to see in the dark, so Hyungwon reaches out tentatively to touch his cell mate’s cheek. The pads of his finger immediately come away wet. “Oh…” he sighs pitifully, pressing his hand against Changkyun’s face so that he’s cupping his cheek. “Why are you crying?” he asks softly, soothingly.

Changkyun doesn’t answer him, but when he blinks more tears roll down his cheek. Biting his lip, Hyungwon carefully wipes at his cheeks and eyes as best he can in the dark, wiping away the wetness. “Did you have a bad dream?” he whispers, shifting around to find a more comfortable position. He ends up just lying next to the younger though because he’s tired too. They’re facing each other now though, which is super awkward, and is only made better by the fact that Changkyun has his eyes shut tight. “Is it about your sister?”

Changkyun releases a shuddery breath that has Hyungwon thinking she’s at least part of the problem. Then Changkyun shakes his head and says, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” Hyungwon agrees at the same time that he thinks this isn’t the same Changkyun he first met, but a completely different person. That Changkyun, at this point, would have pushed Hyungwon down and pinned him there just because he could. He would bully Hyungwon out of his business instead of crying for him not to pry. Now, and for the last few weeks, he thinks he has truly witnessed the Changkyun from Jooheon’s memories. Now he thinks he understands Jooheon’s desire or, dare he call it, need to rediscover this side of his friend.

Half of it is because his brain is currently sleep addled and half of it is probably just hormones (with only a little bit of self-awareness) when Hyungwon scoots forward and presses his lips against Changkyun’s.

It’s an innocent enough kiss, just a press of lips. It’s probably the most innocent kiss he’s had since that one awkward time in high school with his first boyfriend. However, it is probably the most awkward kiss he’s ever had behind that one time he drunkenly made out with Hoseok at a Halloween party his friend’s senior year in college.

Truthfully Hyungwon can’t say what possesses him to do this or why he thinks it’s a good idea other than the fact that they’ve already been frequently intimate with each other. He realizes his mistake when Changkyun pushes him away with a hand to his chest and he almost whines petulantly as he’s pushed away.

“What are you doing?” the younger asks with a groggy voice. He finally opens his eyes, but, still tired, they’re half lidded, and Hyungwon thinks it only makes him more adorable looking.

“Just - I’m just - I was…” Hyungwon struggles for an answer. For a reason for his behavior, but he notices something more important. “You stopped crying.”

Changkyun blinks once, slowly, as if checking for himself. “Oh,” he says when he realizes his cheeks are dry.

Hyungwon thinks he should probably remove his hand from Changkyun’s face now, but he doesn’t figuring that as long as the younger doesn’t fuss about it, it’s fine. “Do you feel better?” he asks.

Sniffing once, Changkyun nods his head and verbally responds, “Yeah. A bit.”

“Okay.” Hyungwon swallows thickly, wondering how far he can push this and whether or not this is real. It doesn’t seem real, and yet...He leans forward again, pressing his lips to Changkyun’s in another kiss. One that is, this time, more confident and less awkward. He contemplates adding some tongue to the mix when his cell mate pushes him away again.

“What are you doing?” the younger gasps like a fish out of water. “You hate me, remember?”

Hyungwon moves his hand down from Changkyun’s cheek to his chin, thumb tracing the shape of his lips. In the darkness it takes a couple tries before he memorizes it feel, no need for any light to guide him. “I hated the person I met when I first came here. You’re not that person.”

He feels Changkyun’s lips twitch up into a smirk. “Of course I’m that person. I -”

“You’ve _changed_ ,” Hyungwon butts in. “I don’t know why, but it’s for the better. I like this you.”

Even though it’s hard to see in the darkness, Hyungwon can definitely feel Changkyun’s gaze on him, peering deep. “I don’t like it,” he whispers.

“Why?”

“Because this me is weak. This me couldn’t handle being here. This me -”

 _Attempted suicide_ , Hyungwon finishes in his head because Changkyun did not and he would not finish that sentence. He could not.

“I couldn’t survive in here before.”

“You can now. You have friends.”

“Friends?” Changkyun repeats sardonically. Hyungwon knows he’s about to go into a long tirade about how useless friends are and decides that he will not allow the younger to do that. “Friends -”

“Go to sleep,” Hyungwon interrupts him. “Would you like a back rub?”

Changkyun falls into a stunned silence, contemplating Hyungwon’s offer for a moment. Eventually he slowly untangles himself from his blanket cocoon and rolls onto his stomach, so his back his available to Hyungwon. Satisfied, the elder reaches over, placing his hand on top of Changkyun’s lower back and kneads the skin there through his uniform.

Sighing in content, Changkyun’s eyes slip shut and he easily drifts back off into dream land.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Hyungwon wakes up when he feels Changkyun roll out of his arms, but he doesn’t try to stop him. In fact, he barely reacts at all, preferring to chase further after sleep. Unfortunately, the younger is having none of it. He yawns loudly, stretching his limbs in a starfish-like manner and smacking Hyungwon in the face in the process. Still, the elder stubbornly refuses to wake up and face the day.

“I was upset because of a lot of things last night,” Changkyun says quietly.

Oh? Hyungwon’s ears perk up at those words, but he still makes absolutely no move to wake up. He half wonders if Changkyun is telling him this while believing that he’s still asleep.

“But mostly I was thinking about Jooheon.”

Hyungwon considers waking up to talk about this, have a discussion, but Changkyun keeps talking.

“We actually used to be really good friends when we were young. He was the only kid I could stand consistently being around to be honest, and he was a good friend. A great friend. Always reliable and dependable. Well, at least until his drug habit started. Anyways, I was just thinking about some of those memories. The good ones. And the bad ones. Sometimes I really miss him, but I still can’t. I’m still so mad at him.”

“I know,” Hyungwon mumbles into the pillow, showing the younger that he is, in fact, awake. Changkyun doesn’t seem very surprised though if his stillness indicates anything, so Hyungwon continues. “I think that what he did to you is hard to forgive, but like you’ve said and he’s said and I’ve said, you guys were once close friends. And clearly you have plenty of good times together to remember. Jooheon’s already made it abundantly clear that he wants to repair that relationship, so now it’s up to you to decide whether or not it’s worth fixing.”

Hyungwon sighs a little, feeling that he’s given this speech way too many times now. However, for the first time, Changkyun doesn’t immediately shut down the conversation upon hearing his advice.

“I know,” the younger sighs instead. “That’s what I hate about it though. I don’t want it to be up to me. I don’t want to be the one to decide if our friendship still has hope or if it dies here.”

“Is it really that hard for you to decide?”

Changkyun nods his head in affirmation. “It’s so difficult because a part of me really misses him, especially in here because I don’t have any other friends. I don’t have anyone else to turn to like I did in high school when he started ditching me to hang out with his dealer or whatever. But I also don’t want to forget what he’s done to me either.

Finally, Hyungwon opens his eyes and tiredly pushes himself up into a sitting position while his eyes scan his surroundings, quickly falling upon Changkyun. The younger is still wrapped up in his blanket, but he’s sitting up against the wall with his knees pulled up to his chest. He observes Hyungwon from his spot. Yawning, the elder rubs at his eyes and shifts his legs until he has them both neatly tucked beneath him.

Blinking the rest of the sleep from his eyes, he meets Changkyun’s gaze before speaking. “Choosing to forgive him doesn’t mean you have to forget all the ways that he hurt you, and I don’t think it’s something Jooheon would ever ask of you anyways. Choosing to forgive him just means that you choose to acknowledge that hurt as a mistake, but you’ll always hold onto it.”

Changkyun stares at his cell mate while he digests Hyungwon’s advice. Then he sighs, leaning his head forward to rest his cheek on his knees while his eyes slide shut.

Frowning, Hyungwon thinks maybe Changkyun’s had enough of this subject, so he decides to change it for now. They’ve already discussed this topic enough, and Changkyun is a big boy. He can surely take care of the issue from here. “I’m hungry. Is it time for breakfast?”

“The guards have already made the rounds and the door is open,” Changkyun answers absently. “You want to eat this early?”

“I need to eat early anyways. My lawyer is suppose to come a bit early today.” He hops off the top of the bunk while Changkyun stubbornly stays put in bed. “You’re not coming?” The elder pauses when he realizes that his body guard, in effect, is not following after him.

“If you go this early you shouldn’t encounter any trouble. Hardly anyone eats the second breakfast is available,” the younger explains.

“Yeah, but don’t you just want to eat together?”

“No,” Changkyun answers bluntly, causing Hyungwon to wince at the severity of his tone. “Not after last night at least. After you - you -” He lowers his head into his knees to hide from the embarrassment.

Meanwhile, Hyungwon can’t keep the amused smile from his lips because he can’t believe that after everything they’ve done, two little kisses are what apparently undo him. Feeling suddenly a bit vindictive, Hyungwon hurries back to the bunk, using his momentum to easily pull himself onto the top bunk. Startled, Changkyun lifts his head up from his knees, leaving him vulnerable.

He goes in for another kiss, but Changkyun manages to react fast enough for his hand to shoot out, palm pressing against Hyungwon’s face and pushing him away. “What do you think you’re doing?” he grits out, pushing Hyungwon to the side with ease. The elder tumbles down into the bed, mildly miffed that he hadn’t caught Changkyun off guard.

“What do you think? You’re a big boy.”

“I know what you were doing,” the younger hisses at him in annoyance, probably wondering why he has to be so difficult. “I’m asking why the fuck are you doing it.”

Hyungwon shrugs. “I like you,” he admits nonchalantly, apparently going with the “honesty is always the best policy” approach. “I like the you now, and honestly we’ve already been to and covered all the other bases except first, so really I’m just making sure we hit all of them -”

“Oh, my God!” Changkyun cuts him off, face red in what Hyungwon assumes is probably a mix of anger and embarrassment. How unusual.

“What? Is it weird for you? You’ve literally done everything else to me, but kissing is weird?”

Changkyun scowls at him, half crawling out of his blanket before he pauses and retreats back into the safety its warmth provides. “I already told you that was just about power play,” he sneers.

Undeterred, Hyungwon pushes himself into a sitting position and scoots his way closer to Changkyun. He leans his head forward into his cell mate’s personal space, and Changkyun turns his head away in response to avoid him. “Then make it about something other than power play from now,” he suggests.

Finally caught off guard, Changkyun turns his head back around to face Hyungwon. His lips are already parted maybe to mock Hyungwon, or protest against him. The elder really can’t say with any certainty because Changkyun doesn’t manage to get even a noise out before he presses forward, slotting their mouths together.

It's much more intimate this time around, probably because Hyungwon has an easier time pressing his tongue into Changkyun's mouth. The younger tenses up at the feeling of the elder's tongue on his but doesn't pull away much to Hyungwon's satisfaction.

When he does finally pull back Changkyun immediately turns his head away so he doesn't have to look at his cell mate. He says nothing and neither does Hyungwon because there isn't much to be said. Instead the elder begins to carefully unwrap the younger from his blanket coat until he can reach inside and grab the younger's hand. Then he tugs.

Despite Changkyun’s resistance and complaints, Hyungwon manages to drag him out of the cell for an early breakfast. His hand is loose and limp in Hyungwon’s grip, but he does not attempt to pull free, so the elder considers it a small victory. Plus, Hyungwon simply tells himself that Changkyun’s likely just in the process of discovering himself.

He suspects the younger was probably locked up sometime during his sophomore year given the vague timeline both he and Jooheon provided. And, as far as Hyungwon could tell, he did not seem to have much experience dealing with interpersonal relationships outside of Jooheon and his sister. Neither of whom probably kissed him the way Hyungwon had. Meanwhile, Hyungwon had already experienced a handful of friends and boyfriends by the time he was through with high school and well into college.

They grab breakfast before finding an empty table to sit at. At this time in the morning it’s an easy enough task to accomplish seeing as only a handful of inmates are even up at this time. Hyungwon only releases Changkyun’s hand to grab a tray of food but as soon as he balances the tray in one hand, he holds his other out to Changkyun in invitation.

Gripping his own tray with both hands, Changkyun stares at the offered appendage for an intense but brief moment before ultimately turning away to head for a table.

Frowning, Hyungwon maneuvers the tray around in his arms so he’s holding it in both hands again while following after the younger. They sit across from each other as usual, but Hyungwon doesn’t immediately touch his food while Changkyun, in comparison, practically dives for his milk carton to keep himself preoccupied and busy-looking. The elder allows him that small break for a minute before trying to start up a conversation.

“So what do you think?” he asks. Staring down at his own tray, he pokes at the sausage link.

Changkyun momentarily pauses in his eating to meet Hyungwon’s gaze warily. He quickly averts his gaze, however, and reaches blindly for his milk. “What do I think about what?” he asks against his better judgement. He tips his head back to take a sip of milk.

Trying to hide a smile, Hyungwon decides to play the blunt card. “Are you gay?” he starts to which Changkyun chokes up and spits his milk back into the carton. “Do you like me?” he presses, confidence increasing now with Changkyun’s embarrassment.

“No!” the younger exclaims, nearly spilling his milk when he slams it down on the tray. “And n-no! I don’t.”

Hyungwon hides a grin behind his hand, but laughter still spills from his lips. Changkyun flushes but glowers at the elder. The look on his face only makes Hyungwon smile harder. “I don’t get it,” the younger scowls, “what’s with you suddenly liking me anyways?”

“You’re just like Jooheon described to be honest,” Hyungwon tells him once he has his giggles under control.

Changkyun shies away from the statement, curling in on himself protectively. “And how did he describe me?” he snaps, clearly not expecting much of a flattering description.

“Smart,” Hyungwon lists first. Changkyun stares at him, no reaction obvious on his expression. “He also said you were very nice and a loyal friend, but you could be a bit blunt and critical of others. By comparison I just thought you were a vindictive bastard.”

Shifting forward in his seat, Changkyun brings his fingers down to trace the edge of his metal tray. His brows are furrowed in thought. “Okay,” he finally says slowly as his finger come in contact with his silverware. He fiddles with the butter knife, digging the tip of his finger into the top of the knife. Hyungwon’s stomach flutters a bit nervously, but he’s not sure why. A butter knife really isn’t that dangerous. “So what’s that have to do with anything?”

“You’re my type,” Hyungwon chirps immediately as if he knew Changkyun would ask that next.

The butter knife slips from his grip while Changkyun stares at him. “You’re...type,” he repeats uncertainly. Surely Hyungwon would go ahead with his punchline of “haha, just kidding!” or something, but the elder only nods his head.

“Yeah, you know, smart with a bit of biting wit, nice, all the other things.” He looks around surreptitiously at the few inmates already up for the day. Then more quietly he adds, “Someone who’s protective. Can protect me, I mean. I may be tall, but I’m a delicate flower.”

Changkyun’s lips twitch a little at the description because he’s quite sure he once referred to Hyungwon as such, but at the time the elder had not taken the description positively. “Yeah,” he plays along, “someone who takes advantage of your weaknesses and then forces you to perform all sorts of sexually degrading acts.” He reaches for his fork, confident of his win. Now he can go back to eating in peace. Only Hyungwon doesn’t quiet down like he expects.

“Not the most pleasant of experiences, I admit, but because of that we have now been incredibly intimate with each other, have we not?” he points out innocently enough. Changkyun fumbles with his fork and drops it. “I can make you come really fast if I -”

“Okay!” Changkyun interrupts because they are not going to have this conversation over breakfast. “You win,” he mutters.

“Oh, do I get a prize then?” Hyungwon asks. Changkyun sighs, pressing his forehead into his hands. Grinning, Hyungwon places his hand on the table between them, palm up. The younger stares at it for a moment before it suddenly hits him.

“No,” he immediately denies. “No, we are not holding hands here. What if someone sees?”

“Then they’ll just think we’re a little gay?” Hyungwon suggests. “Well, though I actually am gay -”

  
“ _Hyungwon!_ ”

“Oh, come on. You said so yourself that almost no one is around at this time. And look! Almost no one is around at this time. Just like you said. And anyways, you should be thankful I’m picking something like this. Unlike some people, I like to start out my prison bullying with innocent things like hand holding and kisses. I move on to the sex later.”

Cringing, Changkyun slaps his hand into Hyungwon’s. Anything for the elder to shut up.

Pleased, Hyungwon closes his fingers around Changkyun’s hand and squeezes tightly.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

By the time Hyungwon finishes up his meeting with Hoseok, most of the prisoners are loitering around outside for their designated daily courtyard time. Nevertheless Hyunwoo first escorts him back to the cell because he has an inkling that Changkyun has probably discovered a way to ditch his outside time inside since that’s all he’s been doing lately. But to his surprise Changkyun is not there.

Confused but relieved that the younger isn’t spending all of his time in bed, Hyungwon back tracks out of the cell and tells Hyunwoo that he would like to go outside. The guard nods once before turning to lead the way to the courtyard.

When they arrive, Hyungwon scans the area for his cell mate. It takes two scans before he spots the younger pacing around the perimeter of the courtyard. He thanks Hyunwoo for escorting him, waving the guard away before turning to jog off towards Changkyun only to immediately run into someone. Stumbling back, Hyungwon manages to catch his balance, apologies already falling from his lips, but apparently the other isn’t interested in hearing it.

“Hey,” he growls, taking a threatening step towards Hyungwon who backs away. The guy isn’t one of those freakishly muscular inmates Hyungwon prefers to avoid completely, but the way he just holds himself is intimidating enough.

 _Shit_ , he thinks to himself. He contemplates turning around to run back to Hyunwoo, but another body barrels into him before he can, nearly knocking him over. “Hyungwon!” Jooheon’s voice filters into his ear. “Is there a problem?” Hyungwon blinks, unsure how he should answer only to realize Jooheon was not addressing him when the inmate he ran into huffed before walking away.

Jooheon makes sure he’s well out of sight before pulling Hyungwon into another bone crushing hug that has the elder wheezing for breath. “I have no idea what you did, but thank you. Seriously, thank you!”

“Um…” Hyungwon’s brows furrow in confusion. What the hell has he done exactly? “Uh, you’re welcome. I guess,” he replies awkwardly while patting Jooheon on the back. “But, uh, what did I do?”

Jooheon pulls back, loosening his grip on the elder, but his hands linger on Hyungwon waist. “Changkyun and I talked earlier and it was good. It didn’t immediately devolve into an argument. We just... _talked_. I wouldn’t say we’re friends again now or anything, but we talked and - and I think things are going to get better between us finally. I think we can fix this.”

“Oh.” Hyungwon’s heart melts at Jooheon’s words. “I’m glad you guys finally talked it out then.”

Jooheon drops his arms back down to his side, bouncing on the balls of his feet ecstatically. “Yeah, thanks to you! Hey your new trial is coming up soon, right?”

“Yeah. Next month. My lawyer came today to review court proceedings and go over our case one more time.”

Jooheon grins at him, shoulders lifting in elation. “Well, if all goes well you’ll be out of here in a month’s time, right?”

Hyungwon nods his head. “Well, that is the plan anyway.”

“Well, I know it’s not much, especially if you’ll be gone soon, but if you ever need anything feel free to ask me, alright?” Jooheon suggests. “I seriously owe you for this, so don’t be shy. Anything at all.

“Okay,” Hyungwon agrees even though he thinks he’s highly unlikely to take the younger up on his offer. “I’ll keep that in mind.

Satisfied, Jooheon grins wider and waves to Hyungwon again. He calls out another thank you to the elder as he walks off to which Hyungwon can only incline his head in acknowledgement because he doesn’t know how else to respond. Then he continues on his way to Changkyun.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

After lunch Changkyun decides to return to the cell having had enough of socializing and being outside. NOt particularly feeling up to going to the library today, Hyungwon naturally follows his cell mate back to the cell. Maybe a little too far back.

Changkyun stares at Hyungwon lying stomach down on the top bunk. As in Changkyun’s bunk and not Hyungwon’s. He’s sitting in his own bed as well, pressed against the wall with his legs drawn up to his chest to avoid being in Hyungwon’s space. “Can’t you sleep in your own bed?” he asks, strained.

“Yes, but I’m not sleeping right now.”

Changkyun sighs. Does he have to be so literal about it? “You’re taking up all the space with your stupidly long limbs,” he complains.

Hyungwon pushes himself up into a sitting position, reaching forward to grab his cell mate by the wrist. With a yelp from the younger boy, he pulls him down until they’re both lying on their sides, Changkyun’s back pressed up against Hyungwon’s back. “There,” Hyungwon declares, “now we both fit.”

Changkyun squirms around uncomfortably before settling down. Hyungwon imagines that he’s probably making a face right now though. “Are we seriously spooning?” he asks irritably.

The elder’s lips twitch up into a smile. He knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t stop his lips from moving before his brain tells him to stop. “Yes, and you’re the little spoon,” he croons.

Yep. Definitely the wrong thing to say. Changkyun kicks him in the shin and easily rolls on top of him so that he’s straddling the elder’s waist, crushing him slowly. Hyungwon sucks in a deep breath. It’s hard to breath with Changkyun’s weight on top of him. “Okay,” he wheezes out, “point taken. Please get off now?”

But Changkyun doesn’t move from his spot. “I think we need to relearn just we’re your place is,” he says threateningly.

Hyungwon can’t stop himself for throwing in another jibe here. “Only if you make it intimate this time around, baby.”

Making a sound of disgust, Changkyun rolls off him and scoots away to take up his original spot at the end of the bed, knees drawn up to his chest tightly. “You are seriously so gross. What is with you lately? Ugh, never mind, don’t answer. I don’t want another creepy confession.”

“Creepy?!” Hyungwon exclaims in offense.

“How was meeting with your lawyer today or whatever?” Changkyun asks loudly to change the subject.

Hyungwon shrugs and decides to let him have his way for now. “Okay. It really wasn’t a social call this time or anything. He was making sure I remembered court etiquette and then he took me through our case, highlighting the main arguments and whatnot. He’s pretty confident of a win.”

“That’s coming up soon, right?” Sitting up to sit beside Changkyun, he ignores the way the younger ever so subtly shifts away from him in response. “When you get out - or I guess if - what are you going to do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, just like with school and stuff. I mean, this whole thing must have interrupted your life a lot,” Changkyun explains. “Like, are you going to go back to school immediately? Would you wait?”

Hyungwon stares at the top of his knees, brows knit together in thought. What would he plan to do actually? That is a good question. “I don’t know,” he finally answers. “I guess I would like to go back to school right away. It would be a good distraction from this whole mess, but I don’t know. I guess if my life really falls apart after this, I’ll probably have to take some time off to get my shit together. And, well, if I don’t get out I guess I’ll just be very upset the rest of my sentence and make out with you a lot?”

Changkyun makes a disgusted noise at the suggestion, turning his head away in distaste. “You’re seriously weird,” he remarks.

“What can I say? Boys are my undoing,” Hyungwon says. “Also, you’re surprisingly easy to tease, which doesn’t help you in the least.” He ignores Changkyun’s protests to instead prod at his arm. “Speaking of which, I could be leaving soon, you know.” Changkyun turns his head back around to stare at him, one brow arched in a silent, verbal expression of “your point?” The elder shrugs nonchalantly. “I don’t know, shouldn’t that mean we should, like, fuck like rabbits before I leave? You might not have a cell mate next month.”

“Trust me, that would be an improvement,” Changkyun deadpans. “Also, you make it sound like I _need_ to fuck you. I don’t need to. It was -”

“Power play, I know, I know. You’ve said it a million times already,” Hyungwon interrupts. A small smile tugs on his lips and he tilts his head a bit innocently. “But you want to don’t you?” Flushing, the younger averts his gaze to his thighs, tuggings at the fabric of his prison garb mindlessly. Hyungwon smiles. Changkyun might not have said anything aloud, but he’s said enough.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Definitely something has changed, Hyungwon notes, because it has been months now since Changkyun had last touched him in any way. But Hyungwon remembers what those times had been like. Emotionally painful and humiliating. Degrading to the highest degree. And, as Changkyun likes to keep insisting, all about power play. They’re moments that have burned themselves in Hyungwon’s mind even though he would rather not have time to begin with.

But this time Changkyun fucks him in a way that is completely different. In fact, Hyungwon would not call this fucking. He would call it sex. Neutral, neutral sex, because it’s definitely not love making either. He’s not confident in the way he touches Hyungwon now like the way he previously was. His touches only fleeting and light, fingertips trailing down the elder’s chest briefly before pulling away.

He doesn’t choose an utterly humiliating position to put Hyungwon in either. He’s not down on his knees or on the floor. In fact, Changkyun doesn’t even bully him into any kind of position, just allowing Hyungwon to fall onto his back on the bottom bunk, knees drawn up to his chest. Comfortable.

He fingers Hyungwon open carefully and thoroughly like he always does when he intends to actually fuck him, but he doesn’t accompany it with any kind of dirty talk or humiliation. In fact, he barely says a word as he sinks three fingers into Hyungwon, twisting them and scissoring him open carefully. Oddly enough, Hyungwon ends up speaking more.

“Feels good,” he stutters out in encouragement when Changkyun’s fingers falter. There’s a pause before the younger starts fucking him open on his fingers again, much more confident now.

Hooking his arms around the back of his knees, he hikes his legs up higher and, “ _Oh!_ ” he moans, hips jerking once at the sudden pleasure, that feels so much better. Changkyun’s fingertips prod against his prostate. His toes curl and his stomach twists and knots up in pleasure. “I’m ready," he gasps out, fingernails digging into the back of his thighs. "I'm ready, I'm ready," he insists repeatedly until Changkyun finally pulls his fingers out. Sighing in relief Hyungwon relaxes into the bed.

"What? You don't like it?" the younger asks, sounding rather insecure. He looks at his slick covered fingers, not entirely sure what to do with them. There's no convenient place for him to clean them off on.

"No, it's not that," Hyungwon laughs. "I'm just ready for something more, if you get my meaning."  

"You seem way more comfortable with this than previously," he notes with a frown.  

Releasing his hold on his legs, Hyungwon sits up and grabs the bottle of lube beside his hip. Flipping the cap open he pours a generous amount into his palm. "I've had my fair share of boyfriends and one night stands," Hyungwon admits, rubbing his hands together to warm it up.

"I don't know whether to be disgusted or impressed," Changkyun mutters, biting back a whimper when Hyungwon reaches out and touches his half-hard cock.

Stroking him carefully, Hyungwon thoroughly coats Changkyun while bringing him to full hardness. Hyungwon only notices that his cell mate is bothered by this when he pulls away and sees the hesitation in the younger's expression.

"What's wrong?" he asks, taking his hands away from Changkyun's cock.

The younger stares down at Hyungwon with his brows furrowed and his lips pulled down into a frown. "Look," he says while heaving a deep breath, "I'm not really a prude or anything, and I have nothing against sleeping with people just for pleasure sake or whatever. But you said you liked me."

"I did," Hyungwon acknowledges. "Do you not like having sex when someone likes you then? Or when you like someone?"  

"I never said I liked you," Changkyun defends quickly.

"I never said you did. I was speaking hypothetically," he deflects easily enough. "But is that the problem? You're hesitant because this is more intimate than the last time?" He cocks a brow at the younger, leaning back on his hands to wait for an answer.  

"No. Well yes, but not really. Not entirely," Changkyun stammers over his answer.

"Okay..."Hyungwon acknowledges slowly. "Then what is the problem?"  

And even though the younger is hard and Hyungwon is naked and spread out in front of him, he actually stops to complain. "It just bothers me that you say one thing, but isn't this basically just a one night stand?"

Hyungwon shivers from the chill of being naked in the cell now that the heat from the foreplay has left his body. "Why would you think that?" he asks, wrapping his arms around himself for warmth.

Annoyingly, Changkyun doesn't seem nearly as affected by the cold. The elder can see some goosebumps rising on his arms, but he doesn't even appear to notice them. "Well, you'll likely be gone soon, won't you? Isn't your new trial like in a month?"

Hyungwon thinks carefully about the younger's response. Yes, his retrial is in a month and, of course, if everything goes well Hyungwon will be on his way out but how does this relate to - oh. Hyungwon thinks he sees now. "Oh. Wait you think I'm going to forget you like the minute I get out?"

"Wouldn't you? I imagine one's former cell mate is not a matter people often concern themselves with. I mean, I wouldn't actually know, but -"

"Even if I wanted to forget about you," Hyungwon interrupts him, "I think that would be a rather difficult task. Trust me when I say I have a lot of...unforgettable memories from my time here."

Changkyun winces at that slight jab. "Okay, well then..." he trails off, turning around to grab his discarded prison garb from the floor.

Making an alarmed noise in the back of his throat, Hyungwon scrambles to his feet, seizing him by the arm and pulling him back to the bunk beds. He drags the younger down on to the bed, pinning him onto his back and throwing a leg over his hips to straddle him.

"Where are you going?"

Changkyun refuses to look at him, trying to push him off with his fingers pressed into the elder’s waist. “Um,” he says, completely ignoring the question, “can you get off of me?”

“Why?”

Pointedly, the younger looks down at himself, specifically at his now flaccid penis. “I’m not really in the mood,” he mutters, tilting his head up to look away again. “So, like, please get off?” He pushes at Hyungwon again, but the elder doesn’t move. Funny, Hyungwon thinks, because Changkyun can probably easily shove him off if he wants to, but he doesn’t for some reason.

“You’re wrong,” Hyungwon corrects him, sitting back on Changkyun’s thighs. He half wonders if he should be embarrassed by his nakedness or not.

Changkyun’s nails dig harshly into the sensitive skin of Hyungwon’s hips, and he winces in pain. The younger turns his head so he can look up Hyungwon, eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Wrong about what?” he challenges.

“The things I won’t ever forget. Not all of it is bad, but it’s not all good either,” he tells his cell mate. “I won’t lie though. Right now I would say there is more bad than good, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still leave with better memories either. So…” he trails off, prompting the younger.

However, Changkyun doesn’t know what to say. He’s still bothered by this but how can he put his feelings into words? Expressions himself was never a strong point of his. “Okay,” he starts off steady enough. Good. “I get that, but that doesn’t mean that when you leave you’ll - that you still…” he trails off, becoming increasingly unsteady, stumbling over his words and struggling for what to say.

Hyungwon observes him with his head tilted to the side, wondering what could possibly be running through his cell mate’s mind. It takes a moment before it clicks and he opens his mouth, a small gasp escaping. By the time Changkyun glances at him though, he snaps his mouth shut, not entirely sure he’s right.

“What?” the younger barks at him though, clearly seeing that he has something to say.

Startled, Hyungwon’s lips part to say something again. “I’m not -” he starts before deciding he wants to change the direction of this conversation. “Are you...worried about it because of what happened with your sister?” He chooses his words very carefully, getting the feeling that “afraid” would likely piss the younger off.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with my sister,” Changkyun defends predictably.

“No, it doesn’t,” Hyungwon agrees. “I’m not talking about her, really. I’m talking about what she did. That’s what’s bothering you right? Because you said that you thought I would leave you behind when I left.”

Changkyun crosses his arms over his chest, partly because he’s cold and trying to gather warmth and partly because it’s a show of stubbornness. “Can we not talk about this anymore?” he requests. “I’m cold. And naked.”

“You want to stop?” Hyungwon asks.

His cell mate eyes him warily. Then he nods his head once, not sure what he is expecting but, surprisingly, he does not expect Hyungwon to roll off him so he can start gathering their clothes from the floor. Changkyun stares up at the top bunk above him blankly until Hyungwon throws his prison garb over his face. He grabs the fabric, placing it strategically over his crotch area as he sits upright, careful not to bang his head against the top bunk. “You stopped,” he notes dumbly.

“Yes,” Hyungwon acknowledges, slipping his arms through the sleeves and buttoning up the uniform. “And you might want to take a shower first since you have, you know, lube everywhere.” He looks apologetic.

Changkyun ignores his advice though, staying focused on his topic. “I wasn’t expecting that,” he admits.

Hyungwon blinks. “Why not?” The question comes out right before the answer suddenly hits him. “Ah, not common etiquette here?” The younger doesn’t even need to answer that, so Hyungwon shrugs him off. “No means no. At least I can understand that.”

He turns away from Changkyun which is really a terrible move considering the dig he just aimed at his cell mate. Not particularly partial to the insult, Changkyun lashes out, kicking Hyungwon on the back of the knee so he buckles to the ground with a cry. Quickly whipping around, Hyungwon glares at his cell mate, but he isn’t greeted with the sneer he expects, only a thoughtful expression on the younger’s face.

Finally, Changkyun looks at him and says, “Thanks.”

Hyungwon swallows back the poisonous response he originally had ready to nod his head. “Of course.”

**  
  
  
  
  
**

The month leading up to Hyungwon trial passes quickly and relatively uneventfully. The two of them never try to sleep together again, mostly because Changkyun gives no such indication that he’s interested at all. In fact, they go about their daily routine as usual, as if nothing had ever changed at all.

The day before his trial, Changkyun wishes him good luck before they go to bed. Hyungwon can hardly sleep though, anxiety and anticipation stopping his mind from getting the shut eye he needs. So naturally he ends up crawling up to Changkyun’s bed.

Surprisingly, the younger never wakes up. Or, if he does, he decides not to say anything about Hyungwon in his bed. Again.

In the morning, Hyunwoo comes to collect him early. The trial is set for the afternoon, but he still needs to be transported to the courthouse. Changkyun is still curled up in his blankets at this point though he does offer a grunt of acknowledgement when Hyungwon says goodbye to him.

Hyunwoo leads him outside to a bus where another guard meets them. He hands Hyungwon off to the other man, offering him a smile and small wave. "Good luck, kid," he offers.

Hyungwon stares at him, suddenly hesitate to hop on the bus. "You're not coming with me?" he asks, clearly disappointed.

The man shakes his head. "Not part of my duties. Hopefully though this will be the last time I see you. Well, second to last I suppose. When you come back I hope it's to collect your stuff."  

The inmate nods his head, more dazed than out of agreement with Hyunwoo's statement. Everything seems so surreal now, and he can't believe this is all really happening. It feels like a dream.

"Yeah, hopefully," he murmurs while being ushered into the bus. He waves goodbye at Hyunwoo through the window, regretting that he hadn't managed to squeeze a proper farewell out of Changkyun. Well, assuming this is even farewell.

 

**  
  
  
  
**

Hyungwon can't really describe how he feels after the jury files back into the courtroom and overturns his previous sentence. Elation is there for sure, especially as Hoseok pulls him into a tight hug, apparently attempting to squeeze the life right out of him.

His parents jump up from their seats in the gallery, and his mother rushes forward to him even though she knows she’s not allowed not allowed to cross the bar, security guards stand nearby to make sure of that. Nevertheless, she reaches across to Hyungwon who unwraps one arm from around Hoseok to grab his mother’s hand. She has tears in her eyes, but he knows they are tears of happiness.

His face feels bizarrely blank though. Hoseok seems to take no notice though, dragging Hyungwon out of the courtroom when it’s sufficiently proper to leave.

Hyungwon admits that it feels a bit wrong to be shoved into the passenger seat of Hoseok's car and not the prison bus. Maybe it's been too long since he's been in a car - a thought that disturbs him.

Hoseok sighs as he sinks into the driver's seat. He takes a moment to relish in his victory before reaching over his shoulder for the seat belt. Buckling in he then turns to Hyungwon and asks, "Celebratory dinner and then would you like to go home?"

Without turning his head to look at his friend, he points to his friend. "Yes to the first thing, but then I need to go back. They have some of my things still."

"Okay, let's be quick though. I'm sure your mom wants you home as soon as possible."

They meet his parents at the restaurant, his mother immediately pulling him into a tight embrace. Hyungwon hugs her back just as tightly, afraid to lose this comfort again. "I'm so happy that you're finally out of there," she says.

"Yeah," Hyungwon agrees, "me too."

“Are you okay? Is there anything you need me to do?” She pulls away from him, stroking her hands down his arms, smoothing out his coat. Hoseok had brought him a change of clothes which he had awkwardly shimmered into in the back of the car on the way over. It felt nice to be in his clothes again.

He shakes his head in answer. “No, I’m okay, Mom. Really. It wasn’t as bad as you think. I just want to eat and get my stuff back and sleep forever.” She chuckles at the statement because it sounds exactly like her son. Then she leads him over to a table, blabbering on about the menu and the things that Hyungwon should try. With a strained smile, Hyungwon sits and endures it.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Hoseok drives Hyungwon back to the prison to pick up his personal possessions. His parents had originally insisted that they do it, but Hyungwon assured them that it was fine and they should go home and rest. It really wouldn’t be a big deal to go back to the prison. Reluctantly, they released him to go back but only under the promise that he call them as soon as he gets his phone back and is home. Hyungwon agrees.

Sitting in his friend’s car, he has his elbow pressed up against the window, leaning his forehead against his fist as he stares out of the window blankly. Dusk is setting now. The drive is silent sans for the quiet drawl of the radio Hoseok turned on. His friend glances at him for a moment before returning his gaze to the road. “You okay?” he asks, fiddling with the radio a little more, turning it’s volume down lower.

Hyungwon snaps out of his daydream. “Huh? What? Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

The elder settles back into his seat. “You seem a bit dazed and distracted. You sure you want to go? I’m your legal representative. I can get your items for you.”

“No,” Hyungwon denies instantly. “No, I want to go. I’ll be fine, don’t worry. I’m just thinking about things.”

“What things?”

Hyungwon shrugs. “I don’t know. Like I guess the fact that I’m just...I don’t know.” He allows his arm to drop back to his lap, but bangs his forehead against the window, watching the increasingly drab scenery pass by. “I’m happy, Hoseok. Like I really am. I don’t want to spend another second in that place, but at the same time I just feel sort of...meh. Is that weird? Like why aren’t I as excited as my mom?”

“Don’t think about it too much,” Hoseok advises, leaning over to ruffle his friend’s hair. “It’s probably just shock. Like I know this is what you’re used to, but you’ve spent months in a completely different environment. You’re probably just in shock.”

“Yeah…” Hyungwon mutters his agreement, not entirely convinced that is the only reason. The rest of the car ride is silent.

In all honesty, Hyungwon can’t say why he expected that he could see his cell mate one last time before he leaves. He’s taken to the warden’s office where his personal belongings which had previously been confiscated are returned to him, mostly including just his clothes and his phone. Disappointed, Hyungwon stares at the door to the office, wondering if it would be a strange request to see his cell mate.

He doesn’t end up saying anything though, only thanking the man for his belongings before leaving the prison behind him.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

When Hyungwon doesn’t return that night Changkyun relaxes because he realizes he finally has the cell to himself again, but he can’t sleep because he finally has the cell to himself again. That must mean that everything went well for Hyungwon. Sighing, he curls up into a tighter ball, pulling the blanket well over his head. It’s nice and quiet again, and Changkyun wonders if he likes it or not. He wonders if Hyungwon will live up to his word.

About a month after his cell mate’s departure, he hasn’t heard a word from Hyungwon. Changkyun supposes he isn’t too surprised, and he certainly tells himself that he is _not_ disappointed. No, life goes back to his regular routine. He still goes to the infirmary every day for his meds, but he no longer fights the doctor on the anti-depressants. He thinks he definitely needs them too now. He still insists he isn’t suicidal, happier now that Jooheon somewhat has a presence in his life again, but certainly not feeling up to most activities.

“You seem down,” Jooheon points out to them while they’re in the courtyard. Changkyun has taken up a position by the wall of prison and refuses to move. “You’re not even walking around like you usually do.”

“I’m fine,” Changkyun answers, pressing his fingers against his forehead. He feels like he might be getting a headache. “I’m fine. I’m just… not having a good day.” Truthfully he hasn’t had much of a good day for the past month. He’s been up and down lately, some days happier than others and some days he just wants to curl up in bed and stay there.

Jooheon once makes the mistake of asking if he’s heard from Hyungwon at all. Changkyun snapped at him before storming off, wondering why he even felt upset. He wasn’t actually expecting a visit right? Of course not. Changkyun never expects much of anything anymore which is maybe why he feels a little sick when the guard Hyungwon used to hang out with a lot walks up to them and says that he has a visitor.

Shooting Jooheon a look of confusion, his friend can only shake his head and shrug because he has no idea who it could be. “Hyungwon?” he suggests quietly as Changkyun walks past him.

“After a month of silence? I doubt it,” he responds before following after the guard. He’s led through the prison to the visiting room - a place he hasn’t been for years. An open space for visitors and prisoners to mingle. A few are already here, talking to loved ones while Changkyun glances around unsure of why he’s been called here until he spots a familiar face at one of the tables. He freezes.

“This way.” The guard directs him to the familiar face, but Changkyun refuses to follow him. The man has to place his hand on Changkyun’s back and physically guide him over to the table. The person perks as Changkyun approaches, and he reluctantly sits down.

Changkyun admits this visit is completely unexpected, and he isn’t quite sure how he feels about it. Happy? Scared? Maybe a little bit bitter too. He places his hands on top of the table, linking his fingers together. He says nothing, not even a greeting, choosing to stare broodily down at his hands. He realizes it is not the most friendly of actions, but he isn’t sure what to do. Acting frigidly just comes naturally, however unfortunate that is.

His sister’s smile drops a little at his attitude, and she shifts in her seat to mirror her brother’s posture. “Hi,” she finally greets her brother cautiously but still manages a smile on her face.

Changkyun briefly glances up at her before his gaze falls back down to his hands. “Hey,” he returns a bit listlessly.

Her smile drops again. “You don’t seem very happy to see me,” she notes sadly.

Changkyun shrugs. “I didn’t expect to see you again. It’s been a couple years now,” he defends. “It’s not that I’m unhappy to see you. It’s just that I’m confused. Why did you suddenly decide to visit me?”

She blinks back tears at Changkyun’s words. She hangs her head in shame. “I’m sorry,” she first apologizes to him. “I realize that the last time I was a bit harsh to you, and - and maybe I didn’t have the fully story.”

Changkyun furrows his brows at his sister’s words. “What are you talking about?”

Breathing in deeply, she sighs heavily, placing her palms flat against the table. “About a week ago, someone reached out to me about you. At first I told him I wasn’t interested in hearing his story. I had moved on from you. I thought.” Changkyun’s nose flared; he had a pretty good idea of who she is talking about, but he says nothing. “He said he knew you from here - prison, I mean.” Changkyun clenches his jaw. “I was even less interested, but he said he had been unfairly charged and that you had too.”

She releases another heavy breath. “So I agreed to meet up with him, and we talked. He told me everything he knew about your case. I...thought it over for a few days before deciding to come here.”

Changkyun finally lifts his gaze up to hers, but his eyes are hard and piercing. “Why?” he asks simply. “Why did you decide to come if you already know the story?”

“To see you,” she answers immediately. “And to apologize. And also to ask you if it’s true. Was he telling me the truth?”

Changkyun nods his head curtly. “If you met who I think you met, then yes, he knows most everything about my case.”

Gasping, she clasps her hands over her mouth, eyes wide. When Changkyun doesn’t say anything, she lowers her hands and whispers, “Jooheon really did that to you? How could he?” He shrugs his shoulders, not really feeling up to explaining it. “Well, what are you going to do about it then? I mean, you’re innocent! At least of the murder charges, right?” she asks him. “You shouldn’t be in here for life!”

“There’s not much I can do,” he says. “They made their call.”

“Appeal it!” She demands. “Demand a retrial. This isn’t fair. They got you on false evidence -” Changkyun groans loudly, leaning forward to rest his head against his forearms. How exactly does he explain this without actually wanting to explain this? “What?” she asks, clearly spotting her brother’s reluctance. “You’ve just given up?”

“No,” Changkyun shakes his head in protest. “No, I’m just tired. I’m just really, really tired.”

“Changkyun…”

The younger sibling stands up at that moment, shaking his head apologetically. “No, I’m sorry. I’m - I’m happy you came, but I’m tired.”

“Wait, Changkyun!” She protests, reaching forward to grab her brother by the arm, but he pulls out of her grip easily. “Please sit. I’m sorry! I’m really, really sorry.”

“I know,” he acknowledges as he steps away. “I just...I can’t right now. I’m sorry.” Then he turns and rushes out of the room even as his sister calls for him to stay just a little longer. But he can’t. He’s too tired and drained. He just wants to sleep. Maybe forever.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Jooheon’s more than a little shocked when Changkyun tells him that his visitor was his sister.

“Really?” he asks, setting his dinner tray down on the table, taking a seat across from Changkyun. “Now? Isn’t it kind of random? I thought - Hyungwon told me…” he trails off, feeling the topic too insensitive to just bring up. His sister has always been a bit of a touchy subject for Changkyun.

“Hyungwon talked to her,” Changkyun adds. “He must of. She said someone from the prison approached her, so it must have been him.”

Jooheon cocks his head to the side in confusion. “But, if that’s the case, how come he hasn’t come to see you yet? Isn’t that sort of weird?” The younger makes a noise of annoyance; he doesn’t want to discuss this, so Jooheon wisely chooses a different topic to embark on.  “So what did you guys talk about?” he asks, referring to his sister.

Changkyun shrugs. “Not much.”

“Not much?” Jooheon gapes at him in shock. He would have thought that they would talk for hours and hours until the guards finally had to kick his sister out, but apparently not. “But it’s been so long now,” he points out uselessly.

“Exactly,” Changkyun agrees. “It’s been so long that it was awkward. There wasn’t much I wanted to say to her. I felt like it would just make it worse. Drive her away again.”

Jooheon stares down at the food in front of him with an awkward expression on his face. He picks up his fork, fiddling with it for a moment before finally saying, “I’m sorry. I always thought you would be happy to see your sister again.”

“Me too,” Changkyun agrees. “I mean, I was happy I guess. There just wasn’t much to say.”

“Are you going to be okay?” Jooheon asks.

“Yeah,” Changkyun agrees immediately, wondering if it sounds as fake to his friend as it does to him. Internally cringing at his own answer, he tries to fix it by explaining himself. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry. I’ve already promised myself that if she comes back I’m going to try talking to her. About everything.”

Jooheon nods his head in agreement to his friend’s resolution. Yes, that sounds like a good idea.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

Yet in spite of his convictions, Changkyun finds that he still doesn’t know what he wants to say to his sister as he’s led back to the visitor area a little more than a week later. There isn’t much he wants to say still, so he determines that he’ll allow his sister to do the talking while he’ll try to be  more open to responding to her.

He’s thrown into a slight panic, however, as he’s led into a different room than last time - this one more private looking with only one table in the middle. He turns around to confront the guard. “Why?” he asks simply.

The guard doesn’t have a chance to answer before the door on the other side of the room opens and an unfamiliar voice filters into the room. “This room is most commonly used by inmates to meet with their lawyers,” the voice explains as a man Changkyun doesn’t recognize walks in. He’s followed by someone very familiar.

Tensing, Changkyun watches from one corner as this stranger and Hyungwon take a seat on one side of the table. The stranger motions for Changkyun to take a seat at the table, but he refuses to move. A small push on the shoulder by the guard is the only reason he moves forward and reluctantly sits down across from them. He looks between the two of them suspiciously.

“Okay…” he finally says, settling his gaze on the stranger. “Who are you?”

“Hoseok,” he introduces, sticking his hand out for Changkyun to shake. The younger reluctantly takes his hand and shakes it. “I heard you might be in need of a legal representative.”

The younger’s lips curl up a little in distaste. No, he does not, thank you. So he turns his attention to Hyungwon next. “I didn’t expect to see you,” he tells the other truthfully.

Hyungwon smiles weakly at him. “I told you to have a little faith,” he reminds the other.

“Right…” Changkyun stares at him, clearly unconvinced that he ever meant those words. “So, what brings you back here then? Oh, congratulations too. I guess I should say.” He doesn’t mean to sound mocking, and he doesn’t think he sounds mocking, but Hyungwon decides to ignore his congratulations.

“Hoseok is my friend,” he explains, motioning to the man sitting next to him. When Changkyun glances over again, he smiles and waves, but the younger ignores the actions. “He’s a close friend of mine and a lawyer. He represented me for my case.”

The inmate knows where this conversation is heading, but he decides to goad Hyungwon anyways. “So?” he prompts.

Hyungwon tightens his lips, obviously unhappy with Changkyun’s attitude. “Your sister called me after she came to visit. She was distraught about it and said that you were _still_ , apparently, doing nothing to get out of here. So -”

“So,” the man, Hoseok, interrupts his friend, pulling a business card out of his wallet seamlessly and sliding it over to Changkyun, “I came to offer my services.”

The younger doesn’t even have to think. He slides the business card right back, ignoring the horrified look on Hyungwon’s face, and folds his hands together on top of the table. “No, thank you,” he refuses politely, motioning to the business card between them.

Hoseok raises a brow, less surprised and more skeptical about the inmate’s response. “No?” he repeats. Changkyun grits his teeth at the man’s mocking tone.

“No,” he reiterates firmly. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to undermine your skills as a competent lawyer, I just can’t afford you. I guarantee it.”

Placing a finger delicately on top of the card, Hoseok slides it back towards Changkyun. “I am well aware of your financial situation,” he tells the inmate, eyes glancing towards Hyungwon.

The younger mimics his glance, though his expression is a little less than impressed. His expression speaks something more like “traitor” to which Hyungwon smiles sheepishly and shrugs. He drags his eyes back to Hoseok, eyeing the well-dressed lawyer skeptically. “So, what? You offering to do a charity case or something?”

“Not exactly,” the man corrects. “I’m just offering to give you flexible options when it comes to paying me back. _Really_ flexible. So, just consider it?”

Biting his bottom lip, Changkyun reaches forward and picks up the business card, twirling it between his fingers a few times before ultimately accepting it. “Okay,” he agrees, pulling the card closer and sliding it into one of the small pockets of his uniform. “I’ll think about it then.” Hoseok smiles at him, but Changkyun’s already turned his attention back to Hyungwon. “Why did you contact my sister?”

Hyungwon straightens up in his seat as if he has been waiting for this question to come out the whole time. “Are you upset that I did?” he retaliates with another question.

Almost instinctively, Changkyun opens his mouth to say yes, but pauses before he can spite the word out because truthfully he thinks he isn’t really upset at all. However, he doesn’t think he’s exactly grateful for it either. “No,” he answer eventually after thinking about it, “I’m just wondering why you contacted her.”

Hyungwon breathes out heavily and audibly. “Because I thought you would want to see her again. And she deserved to know the truth about your case.”

“You didn’t do it because you thought it would make me more likely to take my case to court, did you?” he asks slyly.

The elder shrugs innocently enough. “I won’t deny it,” he answers.

“Well, I suppose I owe you a thank you then,” Changkyun states.

“You can thank me by accepting Hoseok’s services and trying to get out of here,” Hyungwon not-so-subtly suggests. Changkyun’s gaze slides back over to Hoseok, but he’s distressed to think that it might not be a bad idea. The lawyers that the court provided to those who could not afford to hire one were often overworked, underpaid, and inexperienced. Changkyun’s had merely sighed, gathered his belongings, and left the courtroom while Changkyun was handcuffed and led away. He would rather not live through that experience again.

“I’ll think about it,” he tells them both quietly. Then he scoots his chair back to stand up, but Hyungwon suddenly leans across the table, reaching out to grab Changkyun’s hand, but the younger pulls his own back with nervous glances thrown in both the lawyer and guard’s directions. Hyungwon stops short at the rejection, placing his palms flat against the table instead.

“Come out and meet me,” he tells the younger softly enough that Hoseok tilts his head to the side, clearly wondering what his friend said. “I’ll be waiting, okay?”

Swallowing thickly, Changkyun stares at him like a deer caught in headlights. Tentatively he nods before turning to leave. In his pocket he fingers the business card that Hoseok offered him.

**  
  
  
  
  
**

He holes himself up in his cell for the next two days in spite of Jooheon’s protests and pleas for him to come out and socialize again. He’s likely worried about the depression, but Changkyun shrugs it off. He thinks about Hoseok’s proposal, sometimes staring at the business card for what feels like hours on end. By the end of the two days the edges are worn and one corner of it has been folded over.

Jooheon comes by to check on him again, but instead of ignoring the other as usual, he finally hops off his bunk to talk to him. “Hey,” he calls as he exits his cell, “is your offer still up?”

The other quirks his head. “What offer?”

“The one where you said you would testify for me.”

Jooheon perks liking the direction this is going. “Yeah, of course. Why?”

Changkyun pulls out the business card from his pocket, waving it in Jooheon’s direction even though he probably doesn’t know what it is. “I think I’ll take you up on that offer,” he says.

**Author's Note:**

> if you made it here: i'm so sorry.


End file.
